Time Of Your Life
by x Graveyard Angel x
Summary: After the death of Bradin, Nikki and Derrick's parents, they are left to start a new life. Nikki meets Cameron and falls for him. But when she figures out that he has a connection to someone in her past.. trouble starts! Occasional M rated material
1. Wake Me Up When It's Over

**THIS WHOLE STORY HAS BEEN REWRITTEN.

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**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Summerland nor do I own the song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day. But I do own any characters in this story that you may not know... Such as Dan (the officer), Lisa and Tom Westerly, and John (the guy from the office).**

Not to confuse you all, the phone conversation in the chapter will be in the little quote " things, k? The song is also in italics so don't get confused

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**Chapter 1: Wake Me Up When It's Over**

It was a gorgeous day in June in the state of Kansas as the Westerly family relaxed and played in their backyard. Tom and Lisa Westerly sat on the patio as they observed their children playing around in the backyard. They smiled at how nicely they got along and were so proud to be called their parents.

"Dad come and play catch with me!" Derrick yelled to his father as he threw the football up and down in his hand.

Tom smiled and got up out of his chair to go play with his youngest son. Bradin and Nikki had been playing frisbee with each other and Derrick hadn't wanted to play. Bradin waved for his mom to join them as well. Lisa got up out of her chair and caught the frisbee that Bradin threw at her.

Life was good in the Westerly house as they had all they could ever need, each other. They were so happy and they all thought nothing could put an end to that... Until one sound would be the signal of the end to their happiness...

RING! went Tom's cell phone. He glanced down at the number and picked it up, seeing as it was the office.

_Like my fathers come to pass  
Seven years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends_

'Hello?

_Tom, it's John. I need you and Lisa to come down to the office pronto... Important issues to discuss and we have a little crisis on our hands. _

Can't this wait until tomorrow? My family and I are jus-

_No. No it can't... It's so important it could truly change all of our lives forever. Especially the lives of your family._

Agh... Fine! How soon do you want us to be there?

_Now would be nice... But as soon as possible, if possible._

We can be there in twenty minutes top if I break the speed limit?

_Good. Perfect. If you get a ticket, I'll even pay for it. I need you here now! Goodbye!'_

And with that, Tom hung up to the phone and turned to his wife. "Hun, we gotta go to the office."

"Er, now... Why? Did something happen?" Lisa asked with a worried tone.

"I don't know, but something's going to happen that'll change all of our lives forever."

Both Tom and Lisa rushed inside and their children followed suit, dropping both the frisbee and football in the yard and leaving them there. Bradin, Nikki and Derrick were all very curious about why their parents were rushing around so frantically with smiles like jack-o-lanterns on their faces.

"You're father and I need to go to the office for something that will change all of our lives... Bradin, you're in charge until we come back. We'll try to be back as soon as we can! Be good you guys. I love all of you very much," Lisa said finally stopping a moment.

They finally finished getting their things and Lisa and Tom stood before their kids, gave them one last kiss goodbye and said 'I love you' one last time as they walked out of the door and out of their children's lives... forever.

_Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are_

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

About ten minutes or so had passed before the silence was broken in the house as the phone rang.

'Hello this is the Westerly residence, Nikki speaking.

_Hey, Nikki. This is Dan _(Dan was a police officer and a family friend) _I have some tragic, terrible news... Your parents were involved in a fatal accident not to long ago..._

Oh my God! Are they okay? Can I talk to them? Where are they? Let me speak to them!'

There was silence from the other end of the phone then some soft sniffs.

'Dan... Where are my parents?

_I'm sorry Nikki... But they've passed away..._

Dan... It's not funny to joke about something like that...

_I wish I was joking, sweetie... I really do. But your parents were killed by the impact of the crash... They were the victims of a drunk driver at the wheel hitting them at high speeds... I can assure you though, they didn't feel a thing... I'm sorry Nikki. Tell your brothers I said so to them as well... Someone will contact you about moving to your aunt's house in a few days.'_

_As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends_

The dial tone buzzed on the other end as Dan disconnected himself and Nikki... Shakily, Nikki hung up the phone and began sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. Bradin rushed into the room to see what happened as Derrick followed him a little while afterwards.

"Nikki what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Bradin asked with concern as he crouched down next to his sister while she was slowly becoming a puddle on the ground. Nikki couldn't even talk she was so shaken and upset. "Nikki... talk to me, sis."

Nikki looked up at Bradin through watery eyes, "They're g-g-gone, Bradin! Not coming back ev-ever!"

"Who mom and dad? They just went to the office... They _are_ coming back," he laughed. "What's gotten into you?"

"Bra-Bradin... They're de-dead. M-Mom and D-Dad died!"

_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends_

_Ring out the bells again  
Like we did when spring began  
Wake me up when September ends_

Bradin and Derrick looked at their sister to try and figure out if she was telling the truth or just making it up. Derrick caved first and curled up in Nikki's arms as he began to cry. Bradin tried to hold it back to be the big, strong, older brother that he had always been. He hated crying, especially in front of other people, but right now... he couldn't help it and he had to cry with his siblings. Bradin wrapped Nikki and Derrick in each of his arms and held them as close to him as he possibly could.

They sat there and cried for sometime before Nikki had finally calmed down enough to tell them about her conversation with Dan from earlier. The three of them pulled themselves together and held back the tears as they began looking around the house for boxes or anything to pack their stuff in. They figured they should start now so they had enough time to figure out what to do with everything and get a head start. Once they found a couple boxes in the garage they began to pack up and search through their things... and their parents things.

_Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are_

_As my memory rests  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends_

_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends_

_Like my fathers come to pass  
Twenty years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends_

_Wake me up when September ends  
Wake me up when September ends_

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So what did you think? I'm just getting started so i know it's all short and not about Nikki and Cameron yet, trust me... it will get longer and it will be about Nikki and Cameron. Well please please please let me know what you think! And if you have any ideas for a beter title. Luv yas always Lauren 


	2. The Day Afterwards

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone on Summerland. I do own Michael/Mike. **

**I do not own the song "Are We The Waiting" by Green Day.**

**Next chapter: ****I do not own the song "The Ghost Of You" by My Chemical Romance or the song (used as a poem in my story) "Learn To Be Lonely" from the Phantom Of the Opera.**

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**Chapter 2: The Day Afterwards**

**(Nikki's POV)**

I didn't sleep much last night as many horrifying dreams of my parents dying kept haunting me. I just couldn't believe it... My parents were dead... I'm never gonna see them again, ever. I sat down at my desk and picked up a picture of me and my mom... she had given it to me when I got really mad with her one time... Tears started falling down my face as I remembered the fight. I flipped it over, on the back it said 'Nikki, please find it in your heart to forgive me... If you don't forgive me, just know I love you very much and would never ever hurt you in a million years... I'll wait as long as you need to forgive me. I love you baby, and always will.'

I wiped the tears from my eyes... she found a picture of us and wrote on the back of it then slid it under my door. I read it and came out crying and hugged her. I think that had been the best way to get me to forgive her... The best sort of apology. It wasn't even that long ago...I had been so mad at her, I didn't talk to her for over a week because of something I can't remember about now... I can't believe she's gone...and dad. I just don't know what I would have done if I was still mad at her and then she died... I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Even now I can't, I didn't wish them a safe trip there and back like I always did. I felt hot tears start pouring down my face. I think I may die with greif and guilt.

I looked around for a empty frame and when I found one, I placed the picture in it then put it in a shoe box with the rest of my pictures. As I searched through my desk, I found another box... This one full of cards Dad and Mom had given to me over the years... I kept every single one. I wasn't quite sure why I kept them, they were always some weird Halmark cards... But the writing inside of it was probably why I cherished those cards like Christians worship the cross.

_Starry nights city lights  
Coming down over me  
Skyscrapers and stargazers  
In my head_

I read through a couple of them and felt this emptiness inside of me... Never again would I get a card or picture or anything from them. My heart felt like it was being squeezed, it hurt so bad. I felt as though I had to read all of them to have a better rememberence of my parents' wonderful personalities. I put the cards back in the box and went through everything else in my desk and went on to my closet and so on. I found many little trinkets and gifts from my parents and some stupid little gag gifts I had gotten on holidays such as New Years and the 4th of July. The more I went through my stuff, the more things I found that my parents had given me... I guess I never realized how much they had given me. I took it all for granted, now it's gone and I feel sick in the stomach because of it.

After all the stuff in my room was packed in a matter of an hour or so, I headed to Bradin and Derrick's rooms to see how they were coming along. To my surprise, Derrick wasn't crying at all... Nor going through his things and taking sometime to look at them, just putting them in boxes and getting on with life. I coudln't believe it, did the kid not have any feelings? Our parents just _died!_

Seeing as he was quite content, I went to see Bradin. I walked to his bedroom and found him on the bed completely breaking down. I walked in and kicked something. He turned around and wiped his face and tried acting like nothing was wrong. I knew my brother better than this though, he just didn't want to cry in front of me - this was one of the reasons why I look up to him so much.

"Hey Nikki!"

_Are we we are,  
Are we we are  
The waiting unknown  
__This dirty town was burning down in my dreams  
Lost and found city bound in my dreams_

It didn't fool me. I went over and hugged him as if I would never let him go. We both started crying once again as we noticed the other was having a weak moment.

He kissed me on the side of the head and squeezed me tighter. "I love you Nikki, you know that right?"

"Of course I know that. I always have." I cried harder. "This is so hard. I miss Mom and Dad!"

He rubbed my back a bit. "It's okay Nikki. I'll try my best to be there for you... and Derrick."

I cried a bit more then the tears stopped flowing. I broke out of the safety of his arms. "I-I finished packing my stuff."

"Same here."

"What should we do with Mom and Dad's stuff?"

We looked at each other for a moment. Bradin shrugged. "I g-guess we need to pack it with everything else... Or we could s-s-sell it."

We looked at each other again, our brains matching the same thought. We could never do that to mom and dads stuff. We grabbed some boxes and went to Mom and Dads room. He pushed open the door and we were greeted with the smell of Mom and Dad... Mom's cooking...Dad's new suit... I took it all in, the last time I ever get to smell them. I would always remember that smell. Anytime I would think about them, I would remember that smell... Always. It may sound weird, but these would be the things I would remember them by if I ever forgot what they looked like.

_And screaming  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting  
And screaming  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting_

Tears stained my cheeks again. Bradin reached over and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. We went around and started going through our parents belongings. We found all kinds of things we had made them, all the cards we gave them, all our school work, all of our baby teeth, everything... They had kept every single thing.

"Ewww!" Bradin exclaimed.

I quickly spun around. "What's wrong?"

Bradin picked up a bag, inside was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen. It looked like a combination of a dead rat, thrown up pizza, scrambled eggs and a dirty sneaker. "What is that!"

He sat there a moment just staring at the bag and then laughed, "Remember that little thing we made for mom and dad when we were little, before Derrick was born. I forget what we called it... But we tried giving it to Mom and Dad to eat..."

"You remember the looks on their faces when we said that it was for them to eat? They had looked so excited to eat it and then went into the kitchen for a few minutes and came back out rubbing their stomachs saying how delicious it was. They must have taken it and put it in that bag... I can't believe it, they kept it. It's almost disgusting that they kept it, I don't think I'm going to open it for fear of what was in this or what it smells like..."

Bradin and I both shared a weak smile. Then we went back to packing. In a matter of an hour or two everything in their room was packed in boxes. I walked back to my room to start bringing boxes downstairs.

I picked up a box and started walking downstairs. "Hey Bradin! Where do we put the boxes?"

Bradin spun around, startled. "Uh, I guess over there," he pointed to an empty wall. "I honestly don't know... someone's gonna come and take all the stuff away anyway so... Anywhere would be fine, I guess."

I put the box down by the wall. I looked around our house... Everything was so empty, so gone. I took everything in... The way it looked, the way it smelt, that warm and cozy feeling I got when I walked in the doors. I tried to lock every detail in my brain.

_Forget me nots and second thoughts  
Live in isolation  
Heads or tails and fairytales in my mind_

I sighed and walked back upstairs to get the rest of the boxes from my room... About an hour later all the boxes were downstairs in the living room. I looked out the window, seeing if the day was still young... "I'm going for a walk!" I screamed as I went to the door and opened it.

I took a deep breath of the Kansas air. It sent a chill through my body knowing that I'd never smell it again once we moved. I looked around at all the people joyously playing around without a care in the world. My heart felt like a hand grabbed it and crushed it. I walked down the street and took in all the scenery... the people... the smell... how everything felt... I walked for about a mile or so then decided to turn around and head home. A car whizzed past me as I tried to cross the street, narrowly missing me.

An image popped into my head...

Dad and Mom sitting in the car talking about what must have been wrong at the office... About how we were doing... Just as they went around a bend they saw another car... The terror on their faces... Dad tries swerving out of the way but is too late... The two cars collide... Mom and Dad slam into the wind shield... Pain runs through their body like the blood that flows through their body... They look at each other one last time and grab each others hands... Knowing this is the end... They close their eyes... Their hearts stop beating... They die...

_Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting unknown  
The rage and love, the story of my life  
The Jesus of Suburbia is a lie _

I collapsed onto the ground crying... Why did it have to end this way? Why? I tried to stop crying but the tears wouldn't stop flowing... I felt a hand on my shoulder, I looked up ad it was Bradin... The last thing I remember after that was him picking me up and start carrying me...

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

I woke up and was in my bed, all tucked in and teary-eyed... I guess Bradin put me in my bed... I itched my eyes and felt that my face was wet... Must have been crying in my sleep... I got out of bed and went to see where everyone else was... I looked in every rooms and no one was anywhere, I panicked. Did they all die too? I rushed into every room again in case I over looked them.. They still weren't there. I fell to the ground again... I had lost everybody... I was alone...

"Nikki! What's wrong!" I heard a guys voice. I turned to see who it was but I couldn't tell who it was, My eyes were too watery.

"B-Br-Bradin a-and D-Derrick a-are g-gone!" I sobbed, not sure why I was jumping to such conclusions already.

"No Nikki, we're right here." The guy put his arms around me.

"G-Go Away!" I broke out if his arms.

"Nikki, it's just Bradin, calm down!"

I ran over to him and hugged him and cried onto his shoulder. "I thought y-you guys were g-gone t-too. Just l-like Mom and Dad."

"Nikki we were just outside" said another boy. I assumed it was Derrick.

I managed to pull myself together and my vision cleared up. I could now see Bradin and Derrick. "I had come downstairs to look for you guys and you were nowhere... I looked everywhere and you were nowhere! I panicked! I thought y-you were dead too!"

_And screaming  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting  
And screaming  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting unknown  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting_

"It's okay Nikki. We're here now." Bradin said as he pulled me into a hug. He laughed a bit. "Hey, I really had like a panic attack when you were nowhere yesterday. I didn't hear that you went out. Ask Derrick, I was a mess."

Derrick laughed, "Yea, he cried so much he made an ocean look like a puddle. Haha!"

Bradin shot him a glance. "Oh yea, by the way. We're gonna need to wait a little to go to our aunt's... Dan called today and said that we needed to wait, something about transportation or something and a plane..." A shadow went over his face. "We also need to have mom and dad...buried..."

_And screaming  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting unknown  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting unknown  
Are we we are,  
Are we we are the waiting unknown_


	3. The Ghost Of You

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**Chapter 3: The Ghost of You**

**(Nikki's POV)**

I glumly nodded... I really didn't like the sound of that. An idea popped into my head, an idea to write about. I walked over to a box that said 'Nikki's Desk Stuff' I ripped open the box and right on top was my journal. I walked up to my bedroom and shut the door behind me then sat on my bed. (The bed and furniture were still where it had been before... not packed up) I pulled the baby blue pen out of the side and began to write...

_**"Learn To Be Lonely"**_

_**Child of the wilderness  
**__**Born into emptiness  
**__**Learn to be lonely  
**__**Learn to find your way in darkness  
**__**Who will be there for you  
**__**Comfort and care for you  
**__**Learn to be lonely  
**__**Learn to be your one companion  
**__**Never dreamed out in the world  
**__**There are arms to hold you  
**__**You've always known your heart was on its own  
**__**So laugh in your loneliness  
**__**Child of the wilderness  
**__**Learn to Be lonely  
**__**Learn how to love, life that is lived alone  
**__**Learn to be lonely  
**__**Life can be lived, life can be loved alone**_

Satisfied, I shut my journal and put the pen back in the side. I smiled weakly and put the journal back in the box and taped it up again then walked back downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and found Bradin and Derrick at the table looking through the yellow pages.

"Ah! Found it!" Derrick exclaimed.

Bradin smiled weakly, "That's good... Not something to be proud of though, bud." As I walked the floor creaked, Bradin and Derrick looked up. "Oh, hey Nik! I'm just gonna make some quick calls then we're gonna go out to eat, kay?"

I smiled and nodded. I walked over to the table and sat down and looked at the phone book... They had been looking up funeral homes... A knife went into my heart... This is for real, not a dream where I can just wake up... This was life.

_I never said I'd lie and wait forever  
If I died we'd be together  
I can't always just forget her  
But she could try_

I gave a silent sigh. After ten minutes or so Bradin had finished making all his phone call and he came back into the kitchen with tear streaks down his cheeks.

"Wow, I never in a million years thought we'd have to plan our parent's funerals at this age." I said.

Bradin scratched his head. "Yea same here and you're even younger than I am." Derrick just nodded. We sat there a moment just lost in our own thoughts. Then Bradin said trying to be happy "Well let's go before it gets too late."

We all got up and started walking down to our Mom and Dad's favorite place to eat, _A Day Back In Time_. The restaurant was a somewhat run down restaurant that had the setting as though it were the 50's, but the food was amazing. We went into the restaurant and sat down at a booth and waited to be waited on. We got our drinks and food, finished it all then ordered a sundae to split. They gave it some corny name like 'Sundae Blues' or something like that... whatever it was, it fit our situation and how we felt so we got it. After finishing that Bradin paid for it and we left. Once we got home we all crashed on the couch together... we had been doing that a lot lately ever since our parents died, always spending time together.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?  
And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever ever...  
Ever..._

A few days passed and we continued to get calls from friends and family (even people we didn't know) calling to say they were terribly sorry for our loss. When they had called we invited them to come to the funeral that would be taking place in a few days. It was a very depressing time at the Westerly household. We went to the clothing stores to get some black dressy clothes for the funeral. Everyone had said that they would donate money to us to pay for the funeral and all that came with it. Of course since we didn't have any money, we excepted their generous offers.

A few more days passed... then it was the day of the funeral. Bradin, Derrick and I got dressed in the clothes we bought and walked down to the church where the funeral was going to be held. Nobody was there when we got there... We walked inside and went to the front of the church where our parents coffins were... We walked up to the two coffins and peered in at our parents' lifeless bodies...

_Get the feeling that you're never  
All alone and I remember now  
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies  
She dies_

They looked so peaceful... Like they were just sleeping... Bradin grabbed my hand reassuringly and gave it a squeeze as he pulled Derrick close to his side. "Don't worry guys, we can get through this."

I smiled at Bradin's words... He was always so strong when the time was right. He was like the second dad in the household. And then there was Derrick, he was so free in spirit like mom... He had not a worry or care in the world.

We walked to the back of the church knowing that people would arrive soon. As the people came in we greeted them and they told us how sorry they were...All Bradin, Derrick and my friends came... Along with all of our family members and many people we didn't know... Bradin and Derrick went inside, knowing that the service was about to start. I stood there a moment and took a deep breath then turned to go walk inside the church. I was tapped on the shoulder, I turned around... It was Michael, he had been my best friend since I was in kindergarten. I smile weakly. "Hey"

He pulled me into an unexpected hug. "I'm so sorry Nikki, I really am."

"Thank you" I said in a shaky voice.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?_

We broke the hug and a few tears rolled down my face. Michael wiped the tears from my eyes. I smiled then we walked inside and I took my place in the front row with my siblings and close family.

The priest came up to the front of the church and started to speak a bit then a bunch of people brought us flowers and put a whole ton more at the front all around my Mom and Dad's coffins. He started speaking more, I looked around the church. I took in all the faces... All the people that were here to take part in the funeral... They were all crying... I faced the front again and after the priest spoke some more I started to cry. Some people went to the front of the church to speak about our parents and how sorry they were. Then everyone went up to the coffins to say one last good bye to my Mom and Dad as they left the church to go home and grab everything for the after party.

_And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me  
Never coming home  
Never coming home  
Could I? Should I?_

_  
_Then all that was left was Bradin, Derrick, me and my parents... We went up to the them again.

Derrick said something first, "Thanks for being there for me when I needed you. You always helped me when I was down and needed someone to talk to... You guys gave me everything I ever needed... I wish I could have known you for a little while longer, but I guess I can't ask for too much. Thanks. I love you guys and will miss you forever." Tears ran down his face as he stepped to the side for Bradin.

He sniffed. "Mom... Dad... Thank you for giving me a life. For giving me all I ever wanted and all I ever needed... You made me the happiest son on earth and I will always thank you for it. After all these years of knowing you, you were the greatest people I have ever met and will ever meet. I can't express my gratitude for having you guys as my parents. Everyone down here is so saddened to see you go, but I bet everyone up there is excited to meet you as well... God must have had bigger better plans for you somewhere else... too bad those plans couldn't wait a few years longer... Thanks for being there when I needed you. I love you guys and always will." He stepped aside for me.

I stepped up to them and looked at them. "I don't know what to say... Words could never describe how I feel about you guys and how thankful I am. Thank you guys for always being there for me when I needed you to be. For being the one constant in my life... My source of life.. My reason for living. You made me the happiest girl on the face of the earth... I know how much everyone loved you down here so I bet they will all love you up in heaven too. I love you Mommy and Daddy so much... I will miss you everyday til the day I die and love you even more. Thanks. I love you."

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

I kissed my fingertips and touched my Mom and Dad's cold lips. Bradin and Derrick copied me then we walked out of the church. A few guys went inside and came out moments later with our Mom and Dad's coffin's. They had bolted them shut and were walking them over to a grave. We followed them carrying all the flowers people had given us. They placed the coffins in the grave and waited a moment. Bradin, Derrick and I said our last 'I love you' and threw all the flowers in the grave. They guys started dumping dirt on it.

_If I fall  
If I fall (down)_

We walked home and when we got home, everyone was inside our house; which kind of startled me because we had locked everything up and only Bradin had a key... All the food was out and a few 'We're Sorry For Your Loss' banners had been put up. When we walked inside we were bombarded with people handing us envelopes. We took the envelopes then Bradin put them away in his room. Afterwards everyone chatted with each other.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are  
Never coming home  
Never coming home_

I walked around to take in the amount of people that cared so much as to be here. I bumped into Mike again. He grabbed my hand then drug me upstairs to my room and shut the door.

"Mike, what was up with that?" I asked a bit shocked.

Mike came over to me and kissed me on the lips passionately. Once he broke away my jaw practically hit the floor, I was stunned... He was a good kisser. I cleared my head of these thoughts and then became furious at him for pulling a move like that so suddenly... and even at my parents funeral!

_And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

"I love you Nikki. I know this is a bad time, but I know you're leaving soon and I had to tell you how I felt before you leave."

I stared at him for a moment then got butterflies in my stomach... It occurred to me that I had liked him all along too. We shared a hug before Mike spoke. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Mi-Mike, I don't know if it would work... I'll be leaving in a few days."

"Just say yes! Please! I know you're leaving but please tell em you will."

_Never coming home  
Never coming home_  
_Could I? Should I?_

I looked at the ground for a moment. Then I nodded. "Err, I uh..." Michael cheered. "But you do know that long distance relationships never really work."

"I don't care." He kissed me again then we went downstairs. After about another hour or so everyone had left and we were left to clean up. We threw everything in garbage bags then dozed off on the couch again.

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me  
For all the ghosts that are never gonna... _


	4. It Gets Harder

**Chapter 4: It Gets Harder**

"_Mommy don't leave me! I need you! Please come back!" cried a 7 year old Nikki. "Daddy where are you!"_

_Nikki ran towards her mother... But her mother kept backing away. Nikki's fingers reached out to touch her... Her mother turned and ran... Faster and faster..._

"_COME BACK! MOMMY!" Nikki ran after her mother... As she was running she tripped and her mother ran out of sight... Nikki got up and ran in the direction that her mother had run off in... She ran and ran and ran... Until she came upon two dark lumps in her path. _

_Cautiously, she walked over to them... Horrified she saw her mother and father on the ground... dead.. skulls busted open... blood staining the area around them... eyes looking up at her, looking as though they were shocked... mouths wide open as if they were screaming... Nikki bent over and shook her mother and father. "Mommy, Daddy wake up!" she yelled as loud as she could as she shook her parents. "WAKE UP!" she yelled out again._

_Nikki fell onto her mother and fathers cold dead bodies and sobbed her eyes out. "come back... come back... please come back..."_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - _

_Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets _

**(Nikki's POV)**

"Come back come back... please come... I need you... please." I mumbled in my sleep.

Suddenly my body was shaking violently as I felt someone's hands touch my side and shake me. "Nikki get up! Nikki!"

"Wh-wh-what's wrong?" I asked sleepily. I opened my heavy eyes to see Bradin standing over me with a worried expression on his stressed face.

"Nikki are you ok? You were screaming like mad just a second ago... Something like 'come back don't leave me'... and like 'no' really long and loud and then u were crying... Are you ok?" Bradin asked really shakily.

I stared at him a moment and remembered my dream... though it wasn't much of a dream... it was more like a nightmare... "Y-Yea... it was just a nightmare... I'm fine...honestly.." I said with a little reassuring smile.

"Well if you say so..." Bradin said starting to walk away. When he got to my bedroom door, he turned to me and said, "O yeah. Mike called... He told me to tell you to call him as soon as you got up... he sounded really serious about it too... So you might want to hurry up and get to that..." He smiled weakly then left my bedroom.

I hopped out of bed then to the phone. I speed dialed Mike's number... It rang...and rang... until someone finally picked it up.

'**Nikki?**

**Yeah. Hey Mike what's up? Bradin said you called...**

**Nikki... Nikki... God I just can't this out... I just can't... **(Mike starts crying a little bit on the phone)

**What's wrong? Mike tell me what's wrong!**

**I can't say it Nikki I just can't... It's so hard... and it hurts so much...**

**Tell me and I'll help you ease the pain! Please tell me...**

**I...I...'**

_I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know just how much you mean to me  
And after all the things we put each other through and... _

"Nikki get off the phone! I need to call David! And Bradin needs to call about our flight and stuff..." Derrick yelled from downstairs.

"HOLD ON!" I yelled back.

'**Mike I have to go... I'll call you later... Kay. I love you bye'**

I hung up the phone with Mike yelling 'wait!' but I hung up the phone anyway... I was worried abut him... He seemed really upset on the phone... but why wouldn't he tell me what was wrong? Hmm... I really don't know... I'm sure it was rude of me to just hang up, but I didn't want to deal with it at the moment. I almost found it kind of selfish and more than rude to try and push all his problems on me after my parents just died... My problems seemed a little bigger than his right now... I did want to help him though, I love him, or at least I think I do...

_I would drive on to the end with you  
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full  
And I feel like there's nothing left to do  
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running _

Hmm. Sometimes I just don't understand why things happen... Like punishments I guess... What did we do to have our parents die? Why does Michael have to feel whatever pain he is feeling? Why? What did we do to deserve this? I don't understand... I really wish I did though... I sighed again then got dressed and made my way downstairs with a heavy heart...

"Good mornin'" Derrick said to me. I grunted or mumbled something like 'what's so good about it?' but we both hardly understood what I said... Derrick gave me a little confused look then went back to eating his pancakes...

"I see you finally decided to get up.." Bradin said with a small chuckle. I nodded glumly but also amazed at how cheerful they could be at a time like this. I sat down next to Derrick and Bradin handed me a plate of pancakes. "You call Michael back?" he asked me.

I nodded again. "We didn't really talk much... He wouldn't really talk to me... Or tell me what was wrong... and he was crying..." Bradin and Derrick looked at each other then back at me.

"So you don't know what happened?" Bradin asked. I shook my head. Bradin sighed. "Why wouldn't he tell you?" I shrugged. "Well go call him back again... You should hear it from him..."

I finished my pancakes then got up and went back into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I grabbed the phone then sat down on my bed. I jumped out of my skin as the phone rang unexpectedly. Bradin yelled up the stairs that it was for me. I picked it up.

'**H-Hello.**

**Hey Nikki.**

**O Mike, Hi.'**

There was a really uncomfortable silence between the two of us...

'**Bradin said something happened... and that you had to tell me... And that he couldn't do it...'**

There was another silence then he hung up. I threw the phone down with disgust. Why wouldn't he tell me? This was beginning to piss me off, but I guess he was also pissed at me for hanging up on him before.

I hopped off my bed then grabbed my jacket and headed to Mike's house. I walked slowly and took the longest path there I could... I wanted to take in everything I could... Of the way to his house and of my home.

_But this time, I mean it  
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of everything_

As I got to Michael's house there was police cars everywhere along with a few ambulances. Caution tape scattered itself around the borders of the house. I walked up to a police officer.

"What happened?" I asked fear flowing through me like the blood in my veins.

"There was an attack. A man inside the home grabbed a gun and started shooting. He killed one and left another seriously injured. He's in the hospital now... But he should be out in a couple days." He said with a serious tone.

My eyes widened and I felt my stomach drop to my toes. A killing? "D-Do you know who died and who lived? This is my boyfriends house." I said as I had tears fill my eyes.

He flipped open a pad of paper. "A woman was killed... Probably in her late 30s... And then the three men lived... plus another unknown male that was in the house. Your boyfriend, I'm assuming, possibly a brother, the husband and another man inside the residence. One was just sent to jail a little while ago. And the other is in the hospital. The third is now no where to be found, fled the scene. The killer looked to be a younger age. But we're not sure about his whereabouts as of this moment."

I stood there frozen to the spot. A younger man... Mike...Mike killed someone! WHAT?

"Ar-A-Are you sure it was a younger man who killed the woman! I can't possibly see Michael doing something THAT bad." I asked in a state of shock.

"No. His name wasn't Michael I can assure you. But we know a man by the name of Fred and a younger man named... we're pretty sure Phillis, were the killers. But this is all the information we have at the moment." he nodded to me then walked away.

Oh my God! I couldn't believe that this happened... Oh Michael... I had to get a hold of him. But I didn't know where he was... hmm. I power walked back home making sure that I had my eyes and ears open. The killer was still out there... I ran up to the house and threw open the door then slammed it and bolted it shut. Bradin and Derrick were sitting on the couch watching the news...

'**37 year old Jill Smith was killed today inside her home. Her one son injured, the other fled the scene and her husband in jail. The killing is guessed to have been planned as 40 year old Fred Smith was sent to jail today for knowing about the planned murder. Smith is in jail being questioned about the whereabouts of the killer. **

**However. 18 year old Anothony Smith sits in the hospital in stable condition. He is to undergo surgery to remove a bullet that lodged itself in his stomach. No words yet on when this surgery shall take place. Michael Smith is 'missing,' so any information on his whereabouts contact us at the number at the bottom of the screen.**

**As for the whereabouts of the killer... Police are still investigating...**

**For continuing coverage on this story... This is John Phillis. Channel 6 Action News.'**

I felt the tears creep down my cheeks onto my lips. I tasted my warm salty tears on my lips. I sniffled and Bradin and Derrick turned and looked at me. Bradin got up and walked over to me and embraced me in a comforting hug. He kissed the top of my head.

"C-Can w-we g-g-go see hi-him?" I asked shakily.

"Yeah." Bradin said. He went and grabbed the keys to the car and a coat then headed out the door. We got into the car... And Bradin drove to the hospital... It was silent in the car the whole way. We pulled up to the hospital and parked... then silently walked inside.

It was crazy in there. People popping in and out of doors.. People on tables... People in operating rooms...Moaning... Crying...Waiting... Death... It was a place I never wanted to come back to... or be in ever...

Bradin walked up a desk and asked where Anthony was. She told us where the room was and we headed to his room. When we got there, Anthony was asleep with all kinds of tubes and wires stuck all over him... _beep...beep...beep..._

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Michael sitting there in the room with Anthony.

"I'll be in the waiting room when you're done." Bradin said softly as he left the room.

As sure as I knew I was alone... I started crying. "O Michael..." I sobbed.

_I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold _

_Until the end, until this pool of blood  
Until this, I mean this, I mean this  
Until the end of..._

Michael reached his arms out to let me hug him. I didn't know what to say to him... nothing could be said to him. "Don't you know there are tons of people looking around for you?"

Michael nodded, "I just told a nurse to call in and tell them that I'm here... I doubt she did though, she was really stupid."

I couldn't stay in the room any longer with them, it was too painful, so I said my goodbyes and left. As I was walking down the hall I peered into every room.. All the sick people... the hurt people... the dead people... it pained me more than anything... I brushed away the tears. I found Bradin in the waiting rubbing his temples, then propping his head on his hands.

I touched his shoulder and he jumped then turned and got up and we walked to the door. We got in the car then drove home... Again... there was silence the whole way.

When we got home, Derrick was asleep on the couch with the news on... No news yet on the killer of Michael's Mom... I sighed... Why? Why did this all happen... It didn't need to happen... Why does Michael deserve not to have a Mom anymore and have a Dad who betrayed them both? He doesn't deserve it anymore than we deserve to have our Mom and Dad killed in an accident.

It just didn't make sense. Life didn't make sense... Then again... Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I sighed. I walked over to the phone and dialed the hospital... I wanted to talk to Michael... If he was awake. He picked up the phone.

'**H-Hello?**

**Hey Mike, it's Nikki**

**Hey'**

There was an uncomfortable silence as I felt the tears ball up in my throat.

'**So what did you want? I'm kinda tired...**

**... I hope you feel better... I really do... Bye.'**

I hung up the phone and started to cry. I really just couldn't talk to him anymore... I had so many emotions going on inside me I wanted to die... I hated it. Every little bit of it. I just wanted to go lie in my bedroom... sink into the floor and exist no more... Life was so unfair... but then again... No one every said that life was fair... And that's how it has to be... Unfair, cruel, and painful...

_I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold _

_Until the end, until this pool of blood  
Until this, I mean this, I mean this  
Until the end of..._

I had to get out of this place... Had to restart my life... Get it going on the right track before I did something really drastic... Like suicide... Or anything really drastic for that matter... Hmm... O well... I slowly walked out of the house... With no idea or destination to where I was going... I was just walking... and walking... I walked for hours and hours just going and going... lost in my own little world... Once the sky started to turn a golden color... I turned around and started to head home.

When I got home the sky was almost all black. I opened the door quietly and slipped in. Bradin and Derrick were sitting on the couch watching TV... They probably didn't even know that I had left 4 hours ago... O well... I tip toed up the stairs and silently slipped into the safety of my bedroom and shut the door. I walked over to my bed and laid down. I starred blankly up at the ceiling... Thinking everything over that had happened in the past week...

After about probably and hour or so... I slipped into a coma like sleep... I slept all through the night and all of the morning and most of the afternoon the next day... Bradin and Derrick had a panic attack when I wouldn't wake up... They thought I had died or something... But we got over that. I chuckled to myself as I saw the look on Bradin's face as I woke up and got startled by their presence.

I ordered Bradin and Derrick out of my bedroom then got up and got dressed... For what I have no idea... I mean hey, it was like 4 in the afternoon. There wasn't much else I could do... I sleepily walked downstairs and went to the cabinet to grab something to eat. I grabbed a bowl and cereal and placed it on the table then went to get the milk. I grabbed that then sat down.

"Cereal? At this time in the day?" Bradin asked.

I just nodded and went onto what I was doing without making a single noise at all. I just ate silently and once I finished I cleaned up then went back up to my room. I grabbed a black jacket and black pants out of my closet. I put them on then went over and put on some black eyeliner and mascara. I walked downstairs and went straight out the door.

I walked over to the park and sat down on a bench deep in the woods. All by myself so no one could find me. I wanted to be alone. With just me. I stared at the ground. And kept staring for what seemed like an eternity...

_All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this  
__All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this  
__All we are, all we are  
__Is bullets I mean this  
__All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this_

I saw my life flash through my eyes... All the smiles on my families faces burned into me. I felt tears sting my eyes... Every happy moment of my life went through me... Then just as soon as it came to me... It had left the grasp of my fingers and it was gone forever... Then... the horror came.

Every dark and gloomy moment of my life flashed before me in slow motion so I felt all the pain again... But this time slower... I felt like my heart was being stabbed with a thousand knives as the pain for the death of my parents came back to me... I forced back the tears as best I could... Then finally, it was so overwhelming my body started shaking and I broke down.

_As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms  
Forever, forever  
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning  
Forever, and ever  
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one  
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun _

I sat there for probably 3 hours... just crying... Having pain envelope me... Pain run through me like the blood in my veins... I sat and sat and cried and cried until I could hardly breath and I had cried every last drop of water out of my body... I whipped my beat red eyes on my sleeve to dab away the tears... My eyes burned... But I shook it off. I looked up and saw tiny beams of light breaking through the clusters of trees all around me... I immediately sprung up and dashed out of the woods before they got any closer to me... I ran all the way out of the woods... Not stopping at all, no looking back or anything... I just kept running and running...

I had no idea where I was running to... But I kept going...I stopped for a second when I was about 3 miles or so away from the woods to catch my breath. I felt my heart thud fast and hard against my chest... It hurt so bad. I choked for air. As I gasped for air I froze... Someone was following me... I looked over my shoulder slightly and saw someone running after me... I panicked and dashed.

I heard foot steps gradually get louder and louder as I ran. Then all of a sudden they froze and I heard gun fire. I ran faster than I ever had before in my life. Guns going off back and forth... Red and blue lights everywhere I looked. First gun fire was really close behind me, but the more I ran, the softer the sound got. I stopped and turned around to see what was going on. I saw a group of police men surround a man on the ground. There was a great battle. A police officer fell to the ground after a big shriek of pain, another fell (probably knocked unconscious) the man on the ground ran away and fled the scene. Some ran after him, others ran to their cars. Luckily they ran in the opposite direction of me... I sighed with relief.

Then as fast as I could I ran home. I threw open the door, slammed it shut then locked it. I leaned up against the door panting. Bradin gave me a weird look, then kept walking like everything was normal. I slid down the door and continued to pant as my heart raced fast inside my chest. Then shakily, I got off the floor after about 15 minutes.

I walked up to my bedroom to throw on some pjs... I flipped on the TV and started getting changed. The news was on...

'**The suspects of the murder of 37 year old Jill Smith were spotted earlier this evening near the woods near this quiet suburban town. A local resident spotted the alleged killer and called police. The police immediately arrived at the scene where the alleged murder was running out of the woods following someone who look to be a little girl in her teens, possibly his next victim.' **

I froze.

'**Gun shots were exchanged between the police officers and the criminal. One cop was killed, others severely wounded. The man took off after shooting and killing one officer, while the other person with him fled the scene completely before anything even happened. Police followed the man into the woods, but lost him shortly after the chase began. The woods are now being searched throughly along with the town to find the killer. Here are two sketches of the man who supposedly murdered Jill Smith. **(Sketch drawings of the man and a drawing of Nikki were placed on the screen) **The second one is the girl that either was the next victim or had a part in the killing. Any information about the whereabouts of these two would be much appreciated to. To reach us call 1-800-ACTIONNEWS toll free. I'm John Phillis for Channel 6 Action News. Monica back to you...' **

I froze dead at the sketch of me on the TV. THEY THOUGHT I WAS A KILLER! I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time... But of course no one would believe me. I didn't know what to do... I threw myself onto my bed. I heard loud footsteps run up the stairs. Then a loud knock on my door. "NIKKI! OPEN UP!" I heard Bradin yell. I told him to come in glumly.

I looked up at Bradin with watery eyes. He came over and sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me.

I just broke down in his arms... "Bradin... They think I killed her. Bu-but I didn't. I didn't kill anyone. I was just around the woods! I was at wrong place at the wrong time! yyou have to believe me Bradin! What do I do!"

"It's alright Nikki calm down... We'll just tell the police what happened. It'll be ok... It has to."


	5. Leaving

**Chapter 5: Leaving...**

I woke up out of a deep sleep. I yawned and stretched then glumly got out of bed, my head throbbing. There was a loud knock on the door. I walked to the edge of the stairs and looked down the stairs to find Bradin opening the door.

A police officer came in and began looking around. He pulled a picture out of his pocket and showed it to Bradin. "Have you seen this girl? People have led me to believe that she lives here..."

Bradin's face went white. "I'm sure you won't believe me... But she's not a killer, I can tell you that now."

I walked downstairs, not knowing that there was an officer at the door. I froze and he signaled to me to come over to him. I explained to him what happened, I doubt he bought it though. I began to cry at the mention of my parents' deaths and why I was walking around. I think it made him think I was sincere, which I was.

The man gave Bradin a very suspicious look. "I'm just gonna take a look around." He began to walk around the downstairs. Searching every inch. He then went upstairs and did the same. After about another forty-five minutes he was done searching our house. He gave Bradin and I a suspicious look.

"You children better stay around town for about another month or so until this is all over."

Bradin looked at me, "We'll be leaving for Playa Linda today actually... We're going to live with our Aunt." This came a little bit of a shock to me, I had no idea we would be leaving.

The officer scoffed, "A likely excuse, you're coming with me little lady." He grabbed my arm.

"No! Seriously, we are... Would you like to call her just to prove our point?"

The officer looked at each of us long and hard before throwing my arm at me in disgust. We didn't close the door until we could no longer hear the click of his shoes in the sidewalk.

"That was close" I said

He nodded. "Yea..."

We stood in silence for a few moments... Not saying anything to each other. "Are we leaving to go live with Aunt Ava soon?" I asked with a shaky breath.

I looked up at Bradin when he didn't answer. He nodded. "We're supposed to leave later tonight... At like.. 6 I think... Everything is already and packed... We just have to wait 'til 6 comes around, then we're off to Playa Linda." He paused... "And then we start our new lives.."

There was a very uncomfortable silence between us. The thought of starting our lives over and leaving this house scared me. I had always lived in this house as long as I could remember... Moving away from it was like betrayal in some shape and form. I swallowed hard and stared at the floor, a few hot tears slide down my cheek.

_The drops of rain they fall all over  
This awkward silence makes me crazy  
The glow inside burns light upon her  
I'll try to kiss you if you let me  
(this can't be the end)_

We waited and waited for 6 to come around... But it seemed like it never would. I sighed as I sat down on the couch. There was not a noise to be heard around the house... It was like in that Christmas story mom used to always read us when we were little kids...I couldn't remember the name though. All I could remember was one line. 'Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.' And that's what the house was like right now.

I jumped out of my skin as the phone rang. I picked up the phone.

'**Hello?**

**Hey Nikki. It's Mike. I heard that you were leaving today...**

**Ye-Yea... 6 o'clock. How did you know that? I didn't even know until to-**

**Would I be able to meet up with you before you leave to go to the airport?**

**Mmm sure... but we aren't going on a pla-**

**Ok Nikki, I'll see you at like 5? Is that ok?**

**Yea sure... We're leaving at 6. So anywhere between 5 and 6 would be fine.**

**Ok Nikki. I'll see you then... I love you.'**

I froze as the words sunk into my head... 'I love you.' I went to say it back.. But I couldn't, so I just hung up the phone. I paused for a moment... Why was 'I love you' so hard to say to him now? Before I could say it and it was whatever... Or I had seriously meant it... Now.. I can't.. Even if I don't mean it. Hmm... I sighed and walked away.

It seemed as though I had just hung up the phone... It was already 5 and the door bell rang. I heard Bradin open it and mutter something, then footsteps come up the stairs. A light knock came to my door. "Come in, it's open." I said.

The door slowly opened and I saw Michael's head pop out from behind the door. He smiled warmly at me as I sat down on the bed. He shut the door then walked over to the bed and sat down beside me. He put a warm arm around me and pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head.

My stomach dropped... Fear spread through my body. I pushed away from him and got up and went into the bathroom.

_Tidal waves they rip right through me  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad_

I gripped the sink with all my might. I shuddered. Why was I so afraid of him? I knew deep down that he wasn't the killer of his mother... but at the same time, there was a tiny bit of doubt of his personality... Could he have done it? Michael opened the door and I flew out past him. He called my name then I heard him start running after me. I ran down the hall the quietly slipped into my parents bedroom and quietly into the closet. I pushed myself as far back as I could in the closet and sat on top of a box so I was completely covered. I sobbed silently as I rocked back and forth.

I heard someone come into the room. I held my breath.

**

* * *

**

(Michael's POV)

I searched through the bedroom. My heart felt like it was being crushed, why was she doing this to me? What did I do? The look of her face when I opened the bathroom door was glued in my mind... The fear in her eyes felt like a thousand knives stabbing in my heart then pulling down... ripping my heart into shreds.

I walked through what must have been her parents room... I felt a sense of warmth... yet a strong chill that sent waves up your spine with each step you took... Getting stronger and stronger each time you took a step...

Death and sorrow filled the room... And it hurt me more than anything. I turned around and walked out of the room then straight down the stairs and out the door. Obviously she was too afraid to have to say goodbye... Or I did something to scare her. Either or... I had to leave her alone and call her later, there was still a little while longer before six o'clock... I have time.

As I walked back to my house I saw nothing but happiness... Joy filled the air.. Yet there was a hidden pain too. It must have just been me 'cause everyone else looked like they were having the time of their lives... Yet I felt like there was something missing from me... Something other than what I thought it was...

_Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
It gets me so...  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
It gets me so..._

* * *

**(Nikki's POV)**

My heart was beating so hard the sound of it filled my ears... I slowly made my way out of the closet... Positive that Michael had left. I crept out of the room and made my way slowly down the hall... I peaked into each room as I crept by. I made it down the hall and then the stairs.

I walked into the kitchen where Bradin was putting some sandwiches together for the ride. The floor made a soft creak as I walked on it. Bradin looked up and smiled. "Michael certainly left in a hurry." he said softly. "Something happen?"

I stared down at the ground for a brief second. "No. He just remembered he had to do something else and had to go." I smiled through my lie. Bradin smiled a bit then went back to what he had been doing. I sighed silently, glad that Bradin bought my story... Bradin gave me a look. "What?" I asked him.

"You're really bad at lying... You know that?" he said with a slight chuckle.

I gave him a confused look. "What?"

"I know Mike didn't have anything to do... He told me you ran away from him... What happened?"

My stomach dropped. "I... I don't know... I just got really scared all of a sudden when he wrapped his arm around me... Then like I don't know... I can't get the thought of the possibility of him maybe committing the murder... I mean, he _did_ flee the scene after it happened and he always used to complain about how much he hated his mother... It could add up."

There was a very uncomfortable silence between us. Nobody spoke... It was so silent my ears hurt...

I walked out of the kitchen waiting for something to happen... The doorbell rang, breaking the silence. I went over and peered through the hole in the door and then opened it. There was a man at the door... Who appeared to be foreign or something along the lines of that. His uniform had no creases in it and was a navy blue.

"Is 'is 'eh Wesly resdence?" the man asked.

I nodded, figuring it was for us. He peered around me then walked into the house and went for our luggage. He picked up a few bags then went straight out of the door to this truck. It took him a few trips until he finally got all of our luggage in the truck.

"'Lright, 'ollow me." the man said after all of our things were in the truck. Bradin, Derrick and I stood in the doorway and looked around at our house... for the last time. I took a deep breath then turned and went straight out the door to the truck. I didn't want to make this any harder than this was already.

I froze when I saw Michael standing there on our front lawn. I kept walking as if I didn't notice him. I looked up and caught his eye... a sudden fear came back in my veins...I quickened my pace and hopped into the truck before Michael could say anything to me or try to come near me. I stared hard at the floor... Trying to hold back the tears... I didn't want to do this... I looked up to see if we could go and was startled by Michael's face in the window... We stared into each other's eyes...

_Your vows of silence fall all over  
The look in your eyes makes me crazy  
I feel the darkness break upon her  
I'll take you over if you let me  
(You did this)_

He blew a kiss to me then turned and walked away. Bradin and Derrick hopped into the car along with the strange foreign guy. He started up the truck and began to drove off... At that moment... I felt something I had never felt before in my life...

It was so strange... It felt as though the weight of the world had fallen off my shoulders... The ties around my legs were finally gone... And I could fly free again.. I was free... A sudden warmth filled my heart...

Yet at the same time... I felt a hard lump in my throat begin to develop... I felt like I was going to choke on it if I didn't swallow it.. But it wouldn't go down. A chill went through my veins.. But my heart was still warm... I felt like I was drowning in water... Yet breathing at the same time...

_Tidal waves they rip right through me  
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad  
Pick me up now, I need you so bad_

Then out of no where... I was suddenly tired then drifted to sleep... I dreamt of being in the water... In the middle of no where... My whole family was there... One by one they had been pulled under the water... Never to come back up... Then I was plummeted under as well... I tried to swim back up.. But my body wouldn't move... I then saw the rest of my family falling and falling... But no one was moving... Then I accepted the fact that this was over... And let my mind stop thinking and let my body go down into no where... Where I'd stay forever.

_Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
It gets me so  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
Down down down down  
It gets me so..._


	6. Home Sweet Home

**Chapter 6: Home Sweet Home**

I jolted up as we came to a stop. The man hopped out of the car and went to unloading our things. I had slept through the whole entire ride, even when they stopped and we switched trucks. It amazed me that I had slept so soundly and for so long.

"Well this looks like this is our new home." Bradin said with a somewhat unsure and shaky voice.

I stared at him for a moment... In a kind of daze. "Looks like it." I sighed.

All three of us sat there in the truck for a moment in dead silence before Derrick opened up the door then hopped out. I sat frozen to the spot for a moment before even acknowledging the fact that we were at our new home. Slowly, I moved over to the door and opened it cautiously... Then I hopped out of the car in my bare feet onto the soft, hot sand. I stared out towards the ocean.. Watching the waves pummel the children in the water... All I could think of was my parents getting hit by that car... Them being crushed by the car that they were in.. Having their bodies smashed so badly that they died... I shook my head, clearing it from all thought.

We walked onto the hot, sandy beach. The sand felt hot under my feet, like fire. I winced a bit with each step I took. Bradin gave me a look but didn't acknowledge me. We walked up to the house and rung the doorbell. A few seconds later a lady opened the door and threw her arms around us crying something about how happy she was to see us and something about our parents...

I stood there as my aunt wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. When she let go of me I looked at her and felt a sharp pain in my heart when she resembled my mom so much that she could have been my mom. Tears started to form in my eyes but none flowed. My aunt went over and hugged Bradin.

"Bradin you look so much different since I last saw you... And you look so much like your dad."

"Hi Aunt Ava." Bradin gave our aunt a big hug.

Ava smiled warmly then motioned for us to come inside. "I know it's a little messy but we were trying to get some space for you guys." A man walked into the room carrying a big box.

"Hey guys." the man said.

"O yes, that's Johnny. He umm.. Lives here with us along with a few other people that I'm sure you'll meet shortly."

I couldn't take being in this house anymore... "Umm... I'm gonna go walk around on the beach a little if you don't mind Aunt Ava."

She seemed a little taken back for a second when I started talking. "Oh no! Not at all. Go right ahead... Just don't go wandering off too far just yet."

I nodded. "I won't."

Then I went and walked right out the back door onto the sandy beach. I walked down to the ocean a lil bit then sat down onto the hot sand. I crunched my legs up against my body really tight and sat my head on my knees. I stared out at the ocean lost in my own thoughts.

_And there's three, count 'em three  
Children playing on the beach  
They were eager to learn,  
To be taught and to teach_

I sat there for probably hours... just staring out at the water... Watching it as it smashed into the people that had flocked into their... Someone tapped me on the shoulder, making me jump out of my skin. I looked up at them but the sun was too bright to make out their face.

"You've been sitting here for the longest time... I thought you might want some company... Can I sit down?" a boy's voice said.

"Yeah sure." I said.

I turned and looked at the boy... I felt my stomach drop.

"Michael?" I said unsurely.

"What?" the boy said. "My name's not Michael... I'm Cameron."

My eyes bulged out of my head. "Do you have a twin by any chance?"

Cameron looked at me funny. "No... Not that I know of... Why?"

"Oh... Well you look identical to this other guy I know... He lives back in Kansas."

"Well I don't have a twin... At least I don't think I do... Did you just move here?" Cameron asked.

"Yeah.. I'm Nikki by the way." I said, extending an icy cold hand towards him.

"Well nice to meet you." he replied, accepting my handshake. "Oooh, you're hands are really cold."

I smiled then went back to staring out at the ocean. We sat there in silence for a moment.

"What brings you here to Playa Linda?" Cameron asked.

I froze. Tears started forming in my eyes and I felt a lump forming in my throat. "M-My p-parents... died..." I managed to choke out before breaking into a sob.

"Oh wow! I'm so sorry." Cameron said as he pulled me into a hug. I sobbed onto his shoulder like a little kid, I couldn't help it.

I felt pathetic crying in the arms of a complete stranger and having him take pity on me the first few minutes he's known me. I also accepted his comforting at the same time, maybe what I needed was someone who knows nothing about me to listen. He sat there holding his arms around me as I cried for the longest time... Finally when I calmed myself down he let me go.

"Sorry... I don't know what came over me..." I said embarrassed.

"It's okay.. I don't mind... Are you okay? I'm really sorry about your parents."

"Yeah... I'm good now." I smiled weakly at him.

"CAMERON!" a girl's voice yelled.

I jumped, startled by the sudden loudness that was protruding from the approaching girl. I looked over at Cameron who had a disgusted look on his face. He turned and looked at me when he noticed my glance at him.

"That's Amber..." he scoffed a little bit.

"CAMERON WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Amber screeched as she came up to us. She caught my eye then gave me a really dirty, bone-chilling look. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET ME AT THE PIER AN HOUR AGO!"

Cameron shut his eyes, looking like he'd explode. "I told you I wasn't going on a date with you Amber. We broke up 3 weeks ago, it's over. I'm through with this!"

Amber scowled at me. "So what, that's it! You go and dump me and have already replaced me! I HATE YOU!" She stomped past Cameron and walked to me. "This isn't over yet." She whispered to me.

_And he can't understand  
How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends  
His mother whispers quietly...  
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die  
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive  
So live for the moment  
And take this advice, live by every word Love is just a hoax so forget anything that you have heard  
And live for the moment now_

I watched as Amber stormed off down the beach.

"I'm sorry about that. She's been a real bitch to anyone I get near since we broke up..." Cameron put his head down a little bit.

"Eh don't worry about it..." I looked at the sun as it began to fall. I glanced down at my watch and realized that it was getting late. "Well I better get back... I still got to unpack and get all settled in... I'll see you later Cameron." I got up and started to walk away.

"Nice meeting you. Bye." Cameron said as I began to walk away.

When I reached the house I turned around and saw he was still staring at me... I waved, he waved back then I ran up the wooden steps and went into the house. As I walked into the family room Ava, Bradin, Derrick and a few people I didn't know were all sitting around talking and laughing as if life had been like this all the time.

I felt a pain in my heart. How could they be having a jolly old time when our parents just died? How can they act like it never happened? Did everyone already forget about them? I walked into the room and everyone stopped talking and turned to look at me.

"Nikki," Aunt Ava said. "I'd like you to meet Susannah and Jay."

"Hi" I said rather shyly.

"Come and sit down with us Nikki." Jay said with a thick Australian accent.

I shook my head. "I still have to get unpacked and all. Thanks though."

"Let me show you your room Nikki." Ava said getting out of her seat.

I followed Ava up the stairs to a big room that was full of clothes and pieces of material. I remembered out of no where that Ava was a fashion designer... This must have been her work room.

"Your room is just up that little flight of stairs. We decided to give you a room away from all the mess and stress of the house. A special room for a special girl... All your stuff is up there... We didn't touch anything.. Just put your things where ever you want... I'll check on you later." She kissed my forehead. "Love you sweetie." And with that, she disappeared down the stairs.

I walked up the flight of spiral stairs then opened the door to my new bedroom. There were boxes all over everything... And my furniture from our old house was placed in what would be a temporary place for them. I put my hands on my hips and looked around the plain, dull, white room wondering where I should start. I walked over to the window and looked out it... I figured I should find a lamp first, it was getting dark out.

I looked through the boxes and found my lamp and plugged it into a wall... Not enough light. I looked all over the room for a switch until, finally, I found it. I flicked it on.. Nothing. I clicked off my lamp and waited for it to cool a few minutes before I twisted the bulb and took it off and then stood on a dresser and screwed the bulb into a light fixture on the ceiling. The lightbulb was so bright it almost caused me to lose my balance.

_And there's three, count 'em three  
Children growing on the beach  
They were eager to learn,  
To be taught and to teach_

I hopped off the dresser onto the floor and began rummaging through all my stuff... After about 4 hours, I had unpacked everything and put it in a temporary spot before I put the finishing touches on everything. I was exhausted and fell down onto my bed. I lay there a few minutes before drifting into a deep sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I was in a tight ball under a bunch of blankets on top of my bed. I shivered and glanced around to see where exactly I was. I pulled on some decent clothes then glumly made my way downstairs. I was greeted by the smell of syrup and pancakes. I looked at Aunt Ava... She must have felt my gaze because she immediately turned around and gave me a warm smile that reminded me a lot of my mom's smile. I felt a slight stab in my heart, but I smiled back anyway. I walked over to the counter where my brothers sat stuffing their faces with pancakes and gooey syrup.

I sat down and sighed. '_Welcome to your new life kiddo_.' I thought to myself. I closed my eyes tight and tried to remember the looks of my Mom and Dad's faces. I smiled seeing their faces still as clear as day in my mind. I opened my eyes. Ava sat a plateful of pancakes in front of me and smiled again. Then went to cooking some more.

"Can I have more pancakes Aunt Ava?" Bradin asked like a little kid.

Ava nodded. "Of course."

Bradin scooped up the last little bit of pancake into his mouth. Then got up and went to help Ava make more pancakes for his bottomless stomach. I looked down at the pancakes in front of me. They looked exactly like the ones mom made... Or at least used to... I grabbed a fork and knife. Instantly Derrick slid the syrup down to me. I caught it then dumped it onto my pancakes. I cut up my pancakes and ate them... Thinking the whole time that I was at home eating the pancakes Mom made me.

I had eaten then quite happily, almost convincing myself that these were actually Mom's pancakes, even if they didn't taste anything like them. Then it felt like something kicked my brain, reality kicked in and I realized how much I despised everything in this stupid house...I hated Bradin and Derrick for sitting there like Ava was their mom... I hated Ava for acting like we were her own kids... And most of all, I hated my parents. I hated them for leaving me here with everyone else while they went to heaven. I hated them more than anything. I slid the plate really hard in front of me, almost knocking it off the counter. I threw the chair backwards and ran out of the house towards the beach. I ran straight to the ocean, crying my eyes out. I kicked the water and screamed the loudest my lungs could handle.

Then I fell down onto the sand in a shaky state... Crying harder than I had ever before in my life. I sat there in the baking sun hoping that it'd burn me to death. I looked out at the ocean wondering how long it would take to drown and if I would suffer while doing it. The water came up to my feet. As it pulled back my feet sunk into the sand. I wiped my eyes... I felt like the ocean was talking to me, telling me to come into the water. I shook my head... I was going crazy.

I sat for a long time... Crying my eyes out... Just sitting there as the ocean crept up towards me more and more until I was fully sitting in it. I stared out at the ocean, not blinking. I thought about all the people at home... I thought about my neighbors... The people I would have been going to school with... The crazy lady who always sat in the park and fed the pigeons... The strange people who would always go around jogging at 8 at night, the whole flock of them just running... Then I thought about Michael...

I sighed. And thought about all the things we could have done if none of this ever happened... He would have been my first _real_ boyfriend. I closed my eyes and pictured his face... Then I thought of Cameron... Who had been Michael's opposite... I wondered if I'd ever see Michael again... Or if I'd ever see Cameron again...

_There's Veronica  
She's licking her lips  
As she waits for her real, first passionate kiss  
And there's Vada  
She can't admit her jealousy  
Of her sister Veronica, and how she's so pretty (and how she's so pretty)  
And lastly there's Dade  
Still sitting on the dock  
He ponders his life, and he skips his rocks  
And he wonders when his father will return  
But he's not coming back_

I thought about the time I met Cameron... How nice he was... How much his smile made me smile back... How much he reminded me of Michael... Only better... I felt a strange comforting feeling every time I thought about Cameron. I shook my head, I can't be thinking like that about Cameron.. After all I loved Michael... Right?

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**(Michael's POV)**

I sat down on his bed and sighed... I can't believe it... She just left me... And didn't even say goodbye... Wouldn't even look at me really... And then earlier... I don't know what happened... She ran away from me... I don't even know what I did... All I did was hug her and kiss her... Was it really all that bad? I mean she is.. or was... my girlfriend. I sighed... I really didn't get her sometimes... Was it just me or was it her?

I looked out my door and noticed my older brother with his girlfriend... They were making out in a chair... I smiled at how happy they were... They had been going out for over two years... They seemed like nothing else mattered in the world. How can everyone else be that happy... Yet I'm so miserable?

_And he can't understand  
How everyone goes on breathing when true love ends His mother whispers quietly...  
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die  
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive  
So live for the moment  
And take this advice, live by every word  
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard _

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**(Nikki's POV)**

I sat and sat and sat there in the sand. The sun was starting to come down now... Painting the sky in pastels. It was so beautiful. There wasn't ever sunsets like this at home. As I stared at the golden sun slowly set behind the sea... A sense of relief fell over me. I smiled. I guess this was _something_ good about here... And I hoped it would only get better. This was the beginning of my new life. I can start over... Nothing in the past matters... I'm free from everything... The only thing that matters now is the future... And I can't wait for it...

_(Forget everything)  
_

I stood up and walked back to the house, knowing Aunt Ava would flip if I didn't come back... It's just something Moms do... I froze at the thought... _Mom_... She wasn't my Mom... She was my aunt. Oh well... She's pretty much my mom now.

I walked up to the house then ran up the wooden steps to the door. Everyone was sitting around watching T.V. I sighed... Why did I even bother coming home now? The wouldn't even have noticed I was gone. I opened up the door and quietly snuck in the house and shut the door quietly behind me. It made a sound but no one seemed to notice... I crawled on my hands and knees to the stairs. No one made a move yet so I was as good as gone. I practically ran up the stairs but didn't make a sound. Ava was sitting on my bed... My stomach dropped.

"Where have you been?" she asked in a monotone voice.

I froze. "A-A-A-At th-the b-b-beach." I stammered.

"You had me worried sick. Why did you just leave like that? You've been gone all day!" she said in the same calm voice.

"I-I just n-needed to get away. I g-got really upset about everything." I said as calmly as I could.

Ava just sat there looking at me through glassy eyes. She stood up and embraced me in a hug and started crying on my shoulder. "I know it's been really hard. But we'll get through it... Together... All of us. I'm just glad you're okay."

I smiled and hugged my aunt back. We stood like that for a few minutes the she broke the hug. Ava looked at me and smiled the turned and began to walk away. "Dinner is downstairs if you want it." she said then she left my room and went downstairs.

I ate my dinner then went back upstairs. I threw myself down on my bed and just laid there. I hadn't noticed but Bradin had followed me up to my room. He knocked on my door. I waved my hand lazily for him to come in. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You okay?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, why?" I asked him.

He looked at me for a minute. "Well you have been acting really weird lately... Not the Nikki I know... I didn't think anything of it really... But after you just ran off like that today... I don't know. Tell me what's up kiddo."

I looked at Bradin, the words gathering in my head. "It's nothing, just need some getting used to everything I guess..." Tears were gathering in my eyes now. "I just really miss Mom and Dad. How could they do that to us? How could they go and leave us like that? What did we do wrong?" I completely broke down now. "I _hate_ them, Bradin. I really do. Why bother having k-kids if you're just gonna go and die!"

"Nikki! Take that back! You know you don't mean that! It's our parents!" Bradin screamed, his eyes bulging out of his head.

"Well they're dead now so they aren't my parents anymore." I said with venom in my voice.

Bradin bowed his head and shook it. "Nikki... No matter where they are... They are still your parents. It's not their fault they died Nik. They would never just go and leave us like that intentionally. You have to understand that."

I started bawling. "But they _did_ leave us Bradin! They didn't have to get into that car, they didn't have to go speeding down the street to get there in a hurry, they didn't have to leave us home! But they did, Bradin. They did leave, and they did speed, and they did leave us behind. And now everyone here is seeming to forget the fact that they actually left us behind... again." I looked up at Bradin through glassy eyes, he was starting to cry too.

Bradin wiped his eyes, trying to seem like the big, strong, older brother he is to me. "Nikki, if they had only known... If they had only known, they wouldn't have even left in the first place. But obviously God has plans for them in heaven..."

_And there's three, count 'em three  
Children missing from the beach  
They were eager to learn,  
__To be taught and to teach  
But the sad thing  
__Is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen  
__Due to neglect from their mother  
__Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father  
But she didn't even notice, or pay much attention  
As the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean  
Now all her advice, it seems useless_

I smiled, Mom had always said that... I remember when our dog had died she had said that to me so I'd feel better... It worked too. But now, it's not helping so much.. I'm older now... And not that stupid anymore.I just nodded my head, hoping that Bradin would just drop the subject and leave me alone. I felt Bradin's eyes drilling a whole in the side of my head, as if they were trying to get in to read what I was thinking. He stood up.

"Well.. If you need anything, I'm here for you... I'll see ya later Nik." And with that he walked out of the room and shut the door.

I lay there for what seemed like ages, I looked out the window... Still slightly light out, but kind of dark at the same time... Oh well. I got up and threw some sandals on and headed downstairs and out to the beach. I smiled, the beach is so beautiful at night, I wished my parents could have seen it and have been there with me. I walked over to the spot where I had first seen Cameron. I sat down in the cold sand, a slight chill going up my spin. I lay back in the sand, staring up at the sky... "Mom... Dad... I love you." I said to the sky as if my parents were right above me to hear it. I shut my eyes as tears started to sting them.

I heard the footsteps of someone approaching me, I opened an eye... It was Cameron, I just lay there and acted like I hadn't noticed. He came up to me, "Nikki? Is that you?" I opened my eyes and sat up. "Yup, that's me. It's amazing how you alwyas manage to find me."

From what I could tell he smiled. I felt a sudden thump in my heart at the sight of his smile and a sudden warmth spread through my body.

"Mind if I sit down?" Cameron asked me with a little smile.

"Sure, I'd like the company." I replied.

Cameron sat down close next to me... So close that I could feel the warmth of his body next to mine. We sat there a while in silence before Cameron spoke. "So were you praying to your parents a little while ago?"

I looked away, feeling the tears coming back again. "Ye-Yeah..." I stuttered. I wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming. I sniffed. Cameron took my chin and turned my face towards him..

"It's okay to cry in front of me... I don't mind." Cameron said calmly. I just stared at Cameron, tears streaming down to my face.

I embraced him in a strong hug and just cried on his shoulder. "I don't know what to do, Cameron. It hurts so bad." I sobbed.

"It's okay, I'll help you get through it." he said as he rubbed my back and held me close to him as I soaked his shirt with my tears.

We sat like that for a while... Just sitting there as I got everything I needed to out. After a few minutes, I managed to pull myself together. I pulled away from him and just stared at him. He cupped his hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears with his thumb. I smiled and thought to myself... _Even though he looks exactly like Michael... And Michael is the furthest thing away from what I want to see... I think I'm actually starting to fall in love all over again..._

_No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die  
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive.  
So live for the moment  
And take this advice, live by every word  
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you have heard  
And live for the moment now_


	7. A Little's Enough

**Chapter 7: A Little's Enough**

I awoke to the roar of waves breaking onto the beach and onto rocks. I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock. 12:30. Geesh, when did I start sleeping so late? I was usually up and gone already. I hopped out of bed then went downstairs. No one was home, which was a little bit odd. I grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. I flicked the T.V. on for some background noise. Not even two mouth fulls later, the door bell rang. I got up and ran to the door. I looked through the hole only to see brown hair. Wonderful. I opened the door to find none other then Cameron.

"Hey" he said with a cute smile and he eyed me down.

Realizing what he was doing I blushed and attempted to cover myself up in the revealing pajamas I was still wearing. (Which was a low-cut tank top and extremely short shorts. . . Only something I would wear to bed) He just laughed at me and walked in.

Pausing half way, he looked at me and asked, "It _is_ okay if I come in right?"

Not knowing what to say. "Umm sure? Nobody's really home soo... I guess just for a little bit while I get something to wear."

He laughed. "No, I like that."

I felt my cheeks burn. _Why is he doing that?_ "J-Just sit down while I go get something to wear." Remembering I still had cereal to eat, I added. "And while I finish eating. . . Want anything to eat?"

"No thanks, I'm good." he said following me into the kitchen.

I could feel his eyes watching me as I walked, my heart began pounding. I sat down and continued eating my cereal. We talked for a little bit just small talk though. . . Really uncomfortable small talk. . .

_I think I'm drowning  
Asphyxiated  
I wanna break this spell  
That you've created  
You're something beautiful  
A contradiction  
I wanna play the game  
I want the friction_

Cameron looked at me. "I don't mean to ask this but. . . Have you ever made out with someone?" I practically choked on my cereal. I coughed. I wiped my mouth. "I mean you don't have to tell me, I'm just thinking out loud."

"Oh no, no. It's fine. You just. . . Well it just caught me off guard that's all." I swallowed, completely embarrassed. "No, I haven't. What about you?"

He looked at the table. "Yeah I did, only once. Amber. She kind of forced me to."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Cameron began fidgeting and blushing. "What's wrong?" I asked a little bit worried.

His head shot up with embarrassment. "Umm. N-Nothing?" I gave him a look. He shook his head. "I was just thinking. That's all." He smiled.

I smiled back at him, totally not buying it. "What happened to thinking out loud?" I laughed. "Just know, you can tell me anything. No matter what it is, you don't need to feel embarrassed or shy about it. I'll listen. . ."

He smiled. "Thanks."

_Bury it, I won't let you bury it  
I won't let you smother it  
I won't let you murder it_

Knowing he wasn't going to tell me, I dropped the subject. I finished eating then got up from the table. I put my dishes in the sink then started to walk over towards Cameron and to the direction of my room. I began to walk passed Cameron, but then stopped. I gave him a light kiss on top of his head, "I'll be out in a few minutes." Then continued to walk to my room. I smiled, satisfied with myself. _Hook, line and sinker._

I quickly got dressed in a mini skirt and a tank top, one less revealing. I put on a little bit of mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow. All but 5 minutes later, I was done getting ready and walking back out of my room. Cameron was walking around uncomfortably, pacing back and forth. I stood there a few moments just watching him. I smiled, I don't know what it is about him, but I just can't take my eyes off him. All I want to do is be with him now. . .

It's really strange how just looking at Michael, used to make my heart pound. Now all I think of him is as a friend. Not even. More of an _acquaintance_. He hasn't called me that much, and hasn't sent me a card and email, nothing. He hasn't even tried to get me back I guess. . . You know, he might not even know that I don't count him as my boyfriend anymore, that I broke up with him ages ago. That I really don't even like him anymore. That just looking at him and hearing his voice scares me. I had tried telling him the last time I talked to him. I've shot him emails. I've sent him messages on MySpace. Everything. I've done everything to try to contact him, and he hasn't looked at any of them yet.

I have been here for over two weeks. And I'm falling for Cameron harder than I've fallen for anyone in my whole life. Before, they were all crushes, but now. . . This is different. I feel different, I think different, everything about it is different. I love everything about Cameron, he just seems perfect. His smile. His face. His eyes. His body. His touch. His voice. Everything. Everything about him just makes my heart pound and makes me melt into the ground.

This feels like it could be something. . . I wonder if he can feel it too. . .

**(Cameron's POV)**

This is insane. Was she just doing that to turn me on? How can she just kiss me then walk away like it was nothing? I felt my heart fall straight down _there_ then harden. She makes my heart pound every time I look at her. I want her so so badly. And I don't think she even has the slightest clue.

Every time I look at her, think of her, feel her touch me, or hear her voice; I go crazy. My heart pounds in my chest and I just want to reach over and grab her. Hold her so close to me I can feel her heart beating, just hold her and know that I am the one that will protect her, the one she will count on, the one she will need, the only one she will ever want to be with. I want her, all of her. I'm just too afraid to tell her how I feel.

I was going to tell her earlier today. . . When she was sitting there all innocently, with her chest half hanging out, her shorts hugging her thighs ever so slightly, and a look on her face that tells me she has a million things on her mind. I'd give anything, anything at all to be with her. I'd give anything to have her want me as much as I want her. I just really wish she knew.

I can feel it deep within me, that this could really go somewhere. That this could be something if we just tried. I know that this is real, and I want more than anything for it to be real.

I stopped pacing at sat down on the couch. "Why can't I just let you know?" I said without even knowing it. I heard something shuffle. My head shot up and my stomach dropped. There was Nikki, listening to every word I said.

_Our time is running out  
Our time is running out  
You can't push it underground  
You can't stop it screaming out_

**(No one's POV)**

They stood there a moment in silence. _What was he talking about? _Nikki thought to herself. _I don't know what that was all about, but I'll pretend like I hadn't heard a thing. _"How long were you standing there?" Cameron asked.

"I just got there. I was only standing there a few seconds." Nikki lied. Nikki could see the relief in Cameron's face. "So what do you want to do today?" Nikki asked changing the subject.

_Besides you? Nothing. _Cameron thought. "Umm. I don't know. You want to go walk around the beach for a little bit? Maybe go in the water."

Nikki smiled. "I'd love that. C'mon let's go. I just need to leave Ava a note to let her know where I am real quick." Nikki ran into the kitchen then came out a few minutes later. "Alrighty, you ready?"

"Yup." Cameron said blushing.

**(Nikki's POV)**

As we walked out of the house, Cameron lightly brushed his hand passed mine. _What was that about?_ Then he moved away from me, embarrassed. I reached over and grabbed his hand. I felt his body tensen. I felt a warm feeling in my chest. _Am I in _love_ with Cameron? _Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But, if I could bet money right now, I would bet that I am.

We walked down to the ocean, holding hands the whole way. Cameron wasn't saying much. I tried talking to him a little bit, but all I got was an 'uh-huh,' a 'no,' or a head movement. I gave up on trying to talk to him for a little bit. We walked over to the cove, no one. It was just us. We sat hidden away by the rocks but close enough to the water that we could feel the spray of the waves. I sat there, just watching the water, listening to the sounds of the waves and that beach atmosphere. I inhaled the smell of the ocean. I smiled, this is heaven.

**(Cameron's POV)**

I honestly don't know what to do. She's just sitting there, not saying anything. Not thinking anything. Had she really not heard what I had said? Or did she just lie about it to make me feel better? I really don't know. All I know is that I need her. I need to feel her body. I need her to be mine. I need all of her. Now.

And then, at that very thought, I turned to look at Nikki, and she looked at me. Then I leaned in and kissed her more passionately then I could have ever thought possible. I reached my hand up to her cheek once I pulled away, gleaming into her eyes. I wasn't sure what had made me do that, but I wasn't going to question it... rather try and do it again. I leaned in again but Nikki turned away and giggled. I turned her face towards mine and rubbed my nose against hers, causing her to giggle more.

_I wanted freedom  
Bound and restricted  
I tried to give you up  
But I'm addicted  
Now that you know I'm trapped  
Sense of elation  
You'd never dream of  
Breaking this fixation_

I have to admit it was very hard not to give into my manly urges - push her down onto the sand and make her a woman and become a man - but I knew it wasn't right. Nikki meant more to me than a quick fuck, I wanted it to be special... I didn't even want to make out with her yet, I did but not too quickly. In the short time I've known her, I've come to feel like I've known her all my life. It just seems to perfect and right to have her in it rather than out of it.

Nikki began to shiver and yawn. I pulled her in close to me and she leaned her head on my shoulder in that perfect spot girls always manage to find. I couldn't help but show a big smile. My heart began to pound and I suddenly became very concious of it, embarrassed that Nikki might hear it. Her body suddenly became heavier and I knew she fell asleep... that or gained a considerable amount of weight by just sitting here. I held her cold body tight in my arms, kissing her on top of the head. "I love you." I whispered to her, knowing she wouldn't hear it.

_Bury it, I won't let you bury it  
I won't let you smother it  
I won't let you murder it_

_Our time is running out  
Our time is running out  
You can't push it underground  
You can't stop it screaming out_

Suddenly, I heard footsteps from the other side of the cove. I woke Nikki up and grabbed her hand and pulled her to the other side of the cove, away from the people that were coming from the opposite direction. Then, it sounded like they were coming from our direction so we hid in a crevice between a few rocks.

Nikki looked through a little hole that was in the side of the cove. There were two teenagers inside there. Nikki gasped. I tapped her then mouthed 'What?' She pulled me close to her.

"That's Bradin! That's my brother!" Nikki whispered to me. We both looked back through the hole. Nikki grabbed my hand.

_Yeah you, will suck the life out of me_

We watched as Bradin and some girl make out and slowly get all over each other, then... Get completely naked. I swallowed hard as I pictured Nikki and I doing that. Nikki squeezed my hand as if she knew what I was thinking, or she was a little scared. Then, Bradin and that girl began having sex. . . Without a condom. My eyes budged out of my skull. _HE ISN'T USING A CONDOM!_ Nikki stood there in shock at what she was seeing her brother doing. I don't think she has ever seen, heard or thought about anything like that before.

"C'mon. . . Lemme take you home." I said to Nikki. She looked at me and nodded. Then we quietly left our little spot and walked back to Nikki's house.

Nikki was quiet for the longest time, then she finally asked. "What were they doing?" I swallowed.

"Nikki, they were having sex." I said shakily.

She nodded. And that was the end of it. I walked her up to her house, kissed her goodnight and left. I can't wait until I can see her again. This summer is going to be absolutely amazing.

_Our time is running out  
Our time is running out  
You can't push it underground  
You can't stop it screaming out  
How did it come to this  
Ooohhh yeah yeah yeah yeah  
Ooohhh yeah yeah yeah yeah  
Ooohhh yeah yeah yeah Yeahhhhh_


	8. What Is This Feeling?

Ok, so as you might have read in my author's note, I'm still doing the story. Many of you I'm sure are excited because I got a lot of emails saying that I had to keep going or else they'd die... Now, I can't have anyone die over me, so I figured I should get going soon. Haha. Well as I stated, I've gotten my life back together and have some free time because of summer break. So I should be updating a lot if you guys give me enough feed back... 10 comments before I give you the next chapter. So I hope you enjoy what I came up with because I'm kind of out of the mood for what I was writing.

I'm also thinking about rewriting this... Because I had to read my story to remember where everything was and I don't quite like it... Any suggestions? Think I should do it even? Let me know! Please review this for me guys... I love you all.

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Summerland, except the ones i had added earlier... but in this chapter I own no one. I also do not own the song "Wrong Way To Hide" by There For Tomorrow... All I own is this plot...**

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**Chapter 8: What Is This Feeling?**

**(Nikki's POV)**

I stretched and yawned as I got out of bed to go eat the pancakes that surely awaited me downstairs. My room was filled with the smell of pancakes which made my stomach wrench inside me with hunger. I made my bed then headed downstairs to find, to my disappointment, no one was home once again. It gave me a sad sort of feeling in my heart to know that I have bee here for two months and still haven't talked to anyone in this house except my brothers and Aunt Ava. I've seen all their faces before but never talked to any of them... I walked into the kitchen and was scared half to death when music started blasting out of my cell phone on the counter. I looked at the number but didn't recognize it so I paid no further attention to it and I sat it back down. I began looking through the cabinets and fridge for anything to eat that I could conjure up to make a quick breakfast. Nothing.

Someone knocked at the door so I went and got it, still half asleep and really hungry. I opened it extremely surprised to find Cameron standing in front of me. My stomach growled loudly. "Err.. Hi... What are you doing here?"

A Cheshire Cat grin spread across his face. "Good. You're hungry... May I come in?" he said as he walked right past me to the kitchen... I didn't really understand the point of asking to come in if he was going to come in anyway. "Do you mind if I use your kitchen? I want to make breakfast."

I looked at him like he was retarded. "Don't you have a kitchen at your house? Aren't you allowed to eat there?"

He laughed. "No, not for me, silly. For you! I want to make _you _breakfast. Would that be alright?" He came over to me and kissed me on the forehead. "Still a little sleepy, gorgeous?" He walked into the kitchen and began taking pancake mix out of the cabinets. "Pancakes alright for you? That's all I really know how to make..." He questioned, looking as if he had something else to add to the sentence but decided against it.

I looked at him speechlessly, but only nodded my head. I sat down at the counter in the center of the kitchen and just watched him stir up the batter and make me pancakes. He was considerably cute as he was cooking for me with his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he worked. I couldn't really understand why he was doing this... I mean I had never had anyone make me breakfast before besides my parents and Aunt Ava. It was a weird feeling to just sit back and let him take control of the kitchen, what kind of feeling is this? I had only met Cameron about two months ago and he already seems to be part of the family... but better. We've gotten so close to each other so quickly, it's amazing. He quickly finished making me breakfast and then plopped a pile of pancakes in front of me; syrup, butter, knife and fork not too far behind. He grabbed a cup out of the pantry and then filled it up with orange juice and slid it over to me and sat down across from me.

"That's amazing... How did you know where everything would be?" I asked with amazement.

He smiled at me with pride, "Hehe. Well this kitchen has the same design as mine, so I figured where all my stuff was, yours would be too. It was a complete roll of the dice more than anything... Like coming over here hoping you had pancake mix. I figured you did because when I came here yesterday it smelt like pancakes, but you hadn't been eating any." He finished proudly with an expression on his face like he wanted to say something else, but couldn't bring himself to it.

_Wanting to breathe, needing to see  
Our struggles are unparalleled  
Searching for an answer  
We're looking to those who seem to be free  
Cover it up to show the unlikely  
Who could pull this off in reality, in reality?_

I smiled at him and took a bite of my pancakes... I paused and began to cry. Cameron all alarmed came over to my aid, "What's wrong? Are they really bad or something??? I'm really sorry. Please stop crying, it's breaking my heart," he put a comforting hand out towards me and I embraced him in a tight hug. He stroked my head. "It's alright. Shh, it's okay. Tell me what's wrong?" he said hugging me back as if he were my protector.

I looked up at him as he continued to stoke my hair. "They... They... The pancakes just reminded me of my mom's pancakes... They tasted just like it. I guess it just made me miss it... I'm sorry it just really upset me, it's got nothing to do with you... Do you think that my parents were good people and are in heaven looking down on me... and you... and watching over us? Do you think they're happy and no longer in pain?"

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes and replied, "I know that they are in heaven. They obviously had to be good people if they created a girl as great as you... Of course they are looking over you, they're your parents! They want you to be protected... You see, they've brought you together with someone who will protect you for them because they can't... They've led you to someone who would die for you just as they would have if given the chance. They don't have any pain any longer, only you sitting here crying. If you're happy, they're happy... Are you happy?" He looked down at me, trying to hold back the tears himself. I could tell what he just said truly came from his heart.

"I'm happy..." I looked into his eyes. "My parents are happy then. Thank you... But who've they led me to?"

**(Cameron's POV) **

I couldn't help but smile at her and I wanted more than anything to kiss her to prove that I was who I was talking about... She'll figure it out. "Eat your pancakes before they get cold."

She gave me a look to prove she was clearly annoyed I hadn't answered her question, but pushed it no further. My stomach growled ferociously and I tried to hush it so Nikki wouldn't hear, but I think she did. "Can you eat them with me? I feel bad making you sit around and just watch me," she asked sincerely with a little smile.

Smiling I nodded and grabbed myself some orange juice, silverware and a plate and sat down and ate my pancakes with her. The whole time I couldn't help but look at her and I don't think she even noticed. She didn't make eye contact with me once, she just had that look on her face like she was thinking of a million different things at once. I wanted to let her know I wanted to be the one she could count on, the one she could cry on, the one she could look to make the clouds go away, the one she could count on to never leave her side and do nothing but protect her... We finished the pancakes then cleaned up our mess.

_We've had it made so far (we've had it made so far)  
Living off of our unanswered calls (our unanswered calls)  
We have grown up to be (we have grown up to be)  
People that we've never wanted seen  
We've already been seen_

"Uhh, I should go get dressed... You can come upstairs if you want, I still need to take a shower and everything. You can sit in my room if you would like," she said to me. Clearly excited by this, I accepted her proposal and followed her upstairs. "My room's a mess, so don't take any mind to anything. I'll be as quick as I can alright?" She grabbed a towel and proceeded into the bathroom that was attached to her room. "Oh, and don't be a perv and try peeking in on me alright? Haha!" she added playfully.

I mumbled to myself as I sat down on her bed, "Oh, won't it be hard not to..."

"What?" she asked hearing my mumbled sentence I was only supposed to hear.

"Heh, nothing. Go take a shower." She eyed me up a few seconds and then went into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, not locking it... I assumed she forgot. I looked around her room at the various dolls, books and other nick-nacks on her shelves. I got off of the bed to look at a picture of her family... I hadn't yet met her brothers but technically had seen Bradin before. Her mother was absolutely beautiful... I could tell exactly where Nikki had gotten her looks from. Her father was pretty handsome and seemed to be a good person. The Westerley's just seemed like a good family in general, a very happy family. A heartstring was pulled at that thought as I thought of my own family: broken and full of hatred. I was almost jealous about how lucky she was to have parents that loved her so much, but that thought quickly vanished as I thought of how sinful that thought was. I began looking at other pictures on her walls, all of which were her family altogether or some with her brothers. I couldn't help but want to rush into the bathroom at that moment and hold her in my arms and just apologize for her perfect life being ruined, apologize to her for having to come to Playa Linda and live here, apologize for all the hurt that she has or is going through. I even walked over to the door that separated us and I placed my hand on the door and began to cry. All I could think of how much pain she was in. I heard a moan from behind the door. I knocked. "Nikki, are you okay in there?" No answer. I knocked again, but this time louder. "Nikki! You okay!?" I shouted. Still nothing, just more moans and now some sobs.

I knew I shouldn't, but I opened up the door to see if she was ok. I examined the bathroom a moment and figured she would be in the shower... Obviously. I heard louder sobs, she didn't hear me come in the bathroom. "Nikki?" I opened the curtain to find her sitting in the shower with the water running down her body, crying her eyes out. I took no notice to the fact that she was naked or that the water was running but I walked into the shower and picked her up out of the shower and got her a towel to begin to dry her off. Almost immediately she rushed over to the toilet and began to throw up. I guessed she was crying so hard and for so long she had to throw up. I held her hair back and held the towel around her until she was finished. Then with a plop she fell back and onto the floor, I wiped her mouth off with some toilet paper and then went to shut off the shower. I came back to her side to see she was still crying.

"Nikki, Nikki... Calm down please... Why are you crying? You were fine just a little while ago... Why are you so upset now?" She tried to talk but all she could manage was a few syllables between each gasping breath she was crying so hard. I hushed her and held her close to me as her hair soaked a patch of my shirt.

Once she got herself together she finally spoke, "I-I just couldn't cr-cry in front of y-you... Cameron! It hurts so bad, I miss them so much. Please, make it stop hurting..." she began to cry harder, "please..."

I couldn't help but cry myself seeing her so upset. "Nikki, please, stop crying... I don't care if you cry to get it all out but you have to stop or you'll make yourself sick!" With that, she threw up again.

I picked her up and brought her over to her bed and laid her down. She began shaking in the air conditioned room since she was in nothing but a towel. I walked over to her closet and pulled out a shirt and went into her drawers and such to get her shorts, a bra, and a thong (because that was all she had). I have to admit I was a little uncomfortable in rummaging through her drawers and everything, but I knew I had to help her out. She looked at me with sorry, red eyes and sat up as she saw me approach her. She stuck her arms out, I guess expecting me to dress her. I placed the clothes on the bed as her towel fell off of her. I picked up her bra and slid it up her arms I left it there but she didn't move. I swallowed as I knew I had to_ dress_, dress her and touch her and everything. I slid her bra up to her breast and got her in there and then reached behind her to fasten it, which was a little difficult for me... She let out a laugh as she noticed I was having a hard time. " Shut up! I'm trying my best here. Are you alright?" I finally got it then pulled away from her and looked at her with satisfaction.

"I guess I'm alright. I don't feel sick anymore. But I'm really tired."

"Well do you still need help? Or do you got it?" All she did was look at me, so I figured I had to keep dressing her.

_The faces that you hide behind  
Will only make us realize  
That you can't see the problem  
We've made out of ourselves  
And now we only need  
A second to rethink  
Cause its time to do more than just stare at the ground_

**(Nikki's POV)**

It was completely degrading having him find me in the bathroom like that and then have to sit here as he dressed me because I was "too weak" to do it myself at the moment. He slipped my shirt onto me (his tongue sticking out again) and then looked at me as he knew he'd have to remove my towel from over my thighs to dress the rest of me. I just continued to look at him with a blank expression. It was if I almost _wanted_ him to dress me, I could have done it myself but for whatever reason I wanted to test him to see if he would really care for me. And so far, he was passing it with flying colors... It was worth exposing my body for it. I figured he'd see if eventually anyway so why not now?

He removed the towel from over my thighs and threw it on the floor and then pushed me onto the bed, I felt my heart jump as he got on top of me a little bit. He looked me into the eyes and smiled. He slid a thong and then a pair of shorts onto me and he was finished.

He leaned over to lift me back up so he could lay me in the bed but the he stopped as he was on top of me. We gazed into each others eyes for a long time. I was extremely impressed that he was as sturdy as a tree in the ground as he held himself up on his arms. I began to squirm a little bit as I tried my best to fight back the urge to reach up and kiss him, reach out and pull him down to me. I began to breath a bit heavier and I think he noticed because he began to stroke my cheek with affection. He didn't say anything he just looked at the features of my face. "You are absolutely the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life." I couldn't help but let a smile pass onto my face at this as I looked into his blue eyes. "You make my world and I promise tha-"

"You're the one my parents led me to. I understand that now. Why didn't you say anything before to me? I've waited so, so long for someone to say anything like that to me... Cameron you don't know how much I l-"

I was cut off by him kissing me firmly on the lips. He held the kiss there a few moments before finally pulling away. He gave me a big smile as he looked down at me, sending a wave of warmth into my heart.

I heard the doorknob turn then the door swiftly swing open with Bradin standing behind it. His eyes practically popped out of his head with shock as he saw Cameron laying on top of me as he was.

"What are you doing? Ava'll kill you if she ever finds out about this!" Bradin said with concern, then he went from concerned to devilish. He turned around and began to walk down the stairs. I quickly pushed Cameron off of me and chased after Bradin.

"BRADIN!" I yelled at him as I grabbed his arm and spun him around to face me. "You tell Ava about this and I'll tell her about you and the girl in the cove!" He gave me a confused look. "The girl in the cove, you know, you're one night stand fuck buddy... The one you had sex with _without_ a condom? Please tell me you remember," I finished, sending him a look.

His eyes narrowed, "I won't ask how you found out about that, but it's a deal." He stuck his hand out for me to shake it to seal the deal. I grabbed it firmly and shook it, "Deal."

Bradin, whose mood had completely turned, now went back up to my room to interrogate Cameron. "Now who might you be who is up here feeling up my baby sister?" He said sticking his hand out politely to greet Cameron.

"I-I'm horny - I MEAN CAMERON!!" he stuttered grabbing Bradin's hand and shaking it nervously.

Bradin chuckled and turned to me, "I like his one, really funny." Now turning back to Cameron he he said, "You mind coming with me for a moment? We'll be back shortly, Nik... If that's okay with you?" he asked, head titlted sideways.

"No," I said plainly. Bradin looked a little startled by my answer as he didn't expect it. I laughed, "Don't be too hard on him."

I smiled at Cameron as Bradin led him out of the room. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes to rest... They'd be a while...

_We've had it made so far (we've had it made so far)  
Living off of our unanswered calls (our unanswered calls)  
We have grown up to be (we have grown up to be)  
People that we've never wanted seen  
We've already been seen_

**(Cameron's POV)**

I was practically becoming a puddle of sweat I was so nervous as I walked with Bradin out towards the cove. He didn't speak one word to me at all the whole walk down. I had opened my mouth a few times to say something, but the words would never come out... Bradin stopped short of the cove and turned to me.

"Where was it that you saw me? I'm sure you were with Nikki."

I almost choked at his alarming question, but proceeded to where Nikki and I had seen Bradin. "Go to where you and that girl were and I'll scream out to you." Bradin nodded and walked into the cavern and I went to our spot. I peaked through the hole and saw Bradin looking around for me... I noticed he looked a lot like his dad and was probably just as protective of Nikki as he used to be.

"Yo, Bradin!" I yelled through the hole. Bradin looked around a moment before his eyes locked with mine and he walked over to me.

"Goddamn! I can't believe I didn't see that, that hole is huge!" he exclaimed while examining the hole. "Thanks man, I'll watch out for that next time. Now come back onto the beach with me, I want to talk to you."

Had we been in a relationship, those words would have been a clear sign to clean up your act... But coming from the girl who you were just all over's brother... That was a signal for death. I squeezed out of the cove and felt my feet hit the hot sand again. Bradin sat down on the beach and stared out at the water. It reminded me a lot of the first time I met Nikki as well as a few other times I was with her. I kept it in my mind and didn't speak of it.

"Nikki's a strong but delicate girl..." he said finally.

I looked at him confused, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

He didn't look at me but kept speaking, "She's been through a lot, we all have really. It's tough to have your parents die when you were so, so close to them as we were... It was almost like losing the ability to function your body. I don't know if you know how our parents died, but they were killed in an accident... We had all been in the backyard on some gorgeous day and then they got a call from the office..." His voice began to crack at this. "And they went out to dr-drive and kissed us all goodbye and told us they lov... they told us they l-loved us one last time and they never came back. Derrick wasn't too shaken by it because he's still pretty little... Me and Nik took it pretty hard though... I held it in and tried to be strong, but Nikki was a mess... She's still a mess even... She held through it though and didn't cry all the time like I could have. If I had picked up the phone and had someone tell me my parents were dead, I would have died right there... But she didn't... She just cried..."

"I think it was the day you guys got here... I saw her come down to the beach just crying and then sitting there crying and crying. I waited for someone to come and get her, to help her... But no one had come. I tried to ignore it but for whatever reason, my heart ached to see her cry so I went over to her and sat down by her... And she just cried. There was nothing I could do but let her cry... Even earlier today she went to take a shower and I waited in her room. I didn't notice for a while, but she was crying in the bathroom... I had gone in there and then she threw up she was crying so hard and so much... I felt terrible that I had let her cry that long, but once again, all I could do was let her cry... She asked me if your parents were good people and if they would have gotten into heaven and were watching over us... I told her yes. Who else was I to tell her otherwise? I'm just some stranger to her... I don't really know, but was I so bad to tell her yes even though I wasn't sure? I would have told her anything at that point just to get her to stop crying... Anything at all just so she wouldn't have to suffer..." I said whole heartedly.

At this, Bradin finally turned to look at me. "You're a good kid... To do that when you don't even know a person... is amazing." He shifted his body so he was facing me. "She needs someone strong. I think I've found someone to fit that description... Now what is your family like?"

My heart sank... _my_ family? Why must he bring up such a topic? "Er, uh... My family? Wha-What about them?"

Bradin looked at me with a funny expression, "Well, what kind of people are they? Would I want to consider them family?" I looked at the ground at this... I don't even consider them much of a family. "That bad?" I looked at him, trying to hold it back. "Oh geez, just tell me about it... I'm going to find out sooner or later."

"No really, they're great." Bradin gave me a look that told me he knew I was lying and I had to spill or else I'd be shot. "I dunno... They're just... They just shouldn't have had any kids, meaning me... They're not fit for it..." I looked over at him to get the approval that I could stop talking about it. When I didn't keep talking about it he got up and began bringing his hand down towards me to help me up, but I didn't know this so I flinched noticably and screamed, "Don't hit me!" while covering my head. Realizing I wasn't going to be hit, I looked up to see Bradin with the most confused look on his face.

"What did you just say?"

"I didn't say anything. I'm good," I stammered trying to fool him as I stood up.

"No, no. You just said 'don't hit me,' I'm sure of it... Do your parents hit and abuse you?" Bradin said suddenly examining my body for signs of abuse.

_We're asking questions  
Where answers can't be found_

"I don't want to talk about it... Not here and not now," I said suddenly.

He stopped and looked at me with a look that sent all my held back feelings come spiraling out of my mouth in outrageous fury, "Yes my parents hit me! I get hit every single day all the time for everything I do! I've been hit so many times that I can't even bruise anymore! I'm so scared to go home because I know that one of these days..." I started crying at this, "one of these days my dad's gonna beat me so bad that he'll kill me! My mom even hits me! She hits me whenever I even talk to her or look at her! I'm not allowed to eat anything at my house! I have to pay for all of my stuff my own way! My parents get so drunk all the time I usually have to take care of them when they get all sick and out of control! I hate going home because as soon as I even get home one of them is there with a belt or a bat or anything they can manage to hold to beat the shit out of me with! I've been sent to the hospital 30 times over the past 2 years because of my injuries from their brutality! Does that answer your question, Bradin? Does it, huh? YES MY PARENTS FUCKING ABUSE ME! I CAN'T GO ONE MINUTE IN THAT HOUSE WITHOUT BEING HIT OR SCREAMED AT FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!" I screamed in fury as I fell to the ground to be a complete and total puddle of tears. Bradin sat down beside me and tried to comfort me a little with a hug. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CARE! DON'T EVEN TOUCH ME!" I screamed as I smacked him away. But he came over again and held me tightly so I couldn't move until finally... finally I had no choice but to give up and cry.

I have to admit, I did feel a little gay crying in a guys arms while he hugged me, but I know Bradin was just trying to calm me down and comfort me, so I wasn't going to object to the affection a moment longer. After a few minutes I had calmed down and Bradin let me go. I wiped my face with my hand and said, "I'm sorry for freaking out like that..."

Bradin smiled, "No problem man, just glad you got it all out on me instead of someone else... Don't be afraid to tell me or anyone for that matter... I mean hey, I could be your brother-in-law someday..."

"Agh! I just get so worked up about it when people push me about it... I've only had people push it 2 other times, but I've never said anything about what happens at my house... It was just so built up and AGH I could just-"

_We've already been seen, oh  
It's time to do more than just stare at the ground, ground_

"So, Cameron... Earlier when you said you found my sister crying in the shower... Did you see her naked?" Bradin said plainly.

All my previous feelings of hatred vanished at my astoundment at his question... How could he just ask it as if it's a usual thing to happen... But I guess I had to answer it anyway. I wanted to build a trust bond with Bradin so that he wouldn't end up thinking I was untrustworthy or a liar. "Well, yeah I did. I had found her in the tub soo... It was kind of... She was naked..." He just nodded his head many times, waiting for me to continue. "And after she was done throwing up I had to help her dress because um.. obviously she was naked and I wasn't going to leave her that way and she was a little weary."

"But you didn't do anything I would have to kill you for, right? Like something inappropriate?" he asked quizzically.

"Oh no no no!! I would never, _never ever_ do something like that and I mean it."

"Good. I trust you then and you now have my permission to date my sister."

My jaw practically dropped to the sand, how did he know I wanted to date Nikki? "What makes you believe that I wanted to date Nikki? I never said I liked her."

He gave me the 'oh please' look, "Haha! It's obvious to me that you love her. I suggest you take my offer while it's on the table before you lose it."

"Ok, well thank you for that... It means a lot."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't mention it... Just promise me you'll treat her well and give your heart and soul to her because if she digs you, she'll put everything she has into your relationship."

"I promise you, I swear." And with that, Bradin and I had a bond. He trusted me and I trusted him and that was it. I had the o.k. from the older brother to date his sister and now all that's left is to ask her out... The hardest part.

Bradin stood up, "C'mon let's get back. Nikki's probably wonderin' where the hell we went for so long..."

I stood up and followed him towards the house. "Bradin, don't mention any of the stuff I said... I want to say it all to Nikki myself one day..."

"Dude, totally. I got your back, I wouldn't do that."

Within a few seconds we were back inside their house. Bradin stuck his fist out to me and I hit his fist with mine, the code. I went back up to Nikki's room and found her just laying on her bed looking at a picture of her family. I knocked on the frame of the door, bringing her out of her little fantasy. She turned away from me to try and hide the tears from her face and quickly wiped them off.

I walked over to her, "You don't need to hide the tears from me, okay?"

I sat down next to her and wiped away the rest of her tears. "Hmm. Thanks."

I figeted a little bit. I had to ask her now while I still had the guts to. I wouldn't want to for a little while and I knew the time had to be now, I had to ask her. "Hey uh Nikki... I was just wondering... If you would want to I would really like to go..."

_We've had it made so far (we've had it made so far)  
Living off of our unanswered calls (our unanswered calls)  
We have grown up to be (we have grown up to be)  
People that we've never wanted seen  
We've already been seen_

* * *

Yeah, so there's that. After I've uploaded this I'm going to rewrite and fix everything. Especially the last chapter... I didn't write the intimate part of that. A friend of mine got my password and put that in there... and I didn't even notice it. I wouldn't have had something intimate happen yet... Grr, damn you. But forget what I said earlier about possibly doing it, I am definitely doing it.

I have to rewrite this so my friend Heather, whose fanfic I found , can read mine if she wants to.

Please Review! The more reviews I get the quicker I will update!

xx lauren

-iamagraveyard-


	9. No One Will Ever See Things The Way I Do

**Ok, well I know the update was a little long to get up but I've been busy. Been going to concerts, hanging out with people and attempting to earn some money. I went to Warped Tour again this year and Marilyn Manson the day before... So I've been a bit bust paying for those tickets. **

**I can give you many excuses, but it doesn't matter... you people want a story not my senseless babble.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Summerland as usual just this disturbed plot... I do not own the song "Attack" by 30 Seconds To Mars**

**_PLEASE NOTE:_** Ok, the WHOLE story has been revised. There's nothing significant changed about it... A few grammer corrections. Tiny things added and taken away. So if you're uber bored, you can reread it. If not, then don't worry about it because only the intimate part between Nikki and Cameron was taken out - which I didn't write.

I'll have you know that this story has been viewed over 6000 times and the previous chapter has been viewed a little over 260 times. I'm impressed and flattered. Thank you to everyone who's reading this and has been reviewing. [:

Please review. 10 comments gets you another chapter.

* * *

"Hey uh Nikki... I was just wondering... If you would want to I would really like to go..."

(Cameron's POV)

I paused a moment, the words suddenly becoming all jumbled together in the back of my throat. Nikki gave me an anticipated look, unsure of what I was going to ask. I wasn't too sure why this was so hard for me to do... It's just a simple question, wasn't it? Nikki made a motion for me to continue with my question, I think she was getting tired of waiting. I swallowed hard at the ball lodged in the back of my dry throat.

"Nikki would you like to go with me to a party?" Nikki looked disappointed. "It's for Amber and I really would like to go with you..."

Nikki gave me a look as if she was expecting me to say something else. She nodded glumly, "When?"

I gave her a weak smile, "Uhh, tonight at 5. I know it's really sudden but I kept forgetting about it and well... I was afraid you'd say 'no.'"

Nikki gave me a fake smile, "Oh yeah sure I'd love to go with you... Where is it?"

"I'll come over to your house and we'll walk there, would that be alright?"

Nikki shrugged it a way that showed me she couldn't say 'no' to me. She stood up, brushing the remaining tears away from her eyes and giving me a half fake half real smile. I smiled at her and gave her a tiny kiss on her forehead.

"Even if your eyes are all puffy and red, you still can manage to look incredible... How do you do it?" I said to her, trying to cheer her up.

Nikki giggled and smacked me playfully. "Stop it, I look terrible. You can't even deny it, stop trying to make me feel better!"

"But I wasn't ly-" A hard fist hit me in the stomach. "lying," I finished with a gasp.

"Not another word, I don't need you trying to flatter me with your lies... Now what do you want to do until Amber's?"

It was still a little bit before noon and we had tons of day left, but there seemed to be nothing to do. I was still a little hung up on the events of early this morning with Nikki having a meltdown... I'm still not too sure what to make of it, but I'm not going to push it on her and ask questions.

"Hmm, well we can go down to the beach... We can go to the pier and see what's going on up there... We can go to the amusement park up there... We can stay here and watch TV or movies... We can just talk about stuff... I mean anything really, I'll do whatever as long as I'm with you." I said, feeling my cheeks turning hot at the last part I added into my little speech.

Nikki blushed as well and bit her finger. "You want to talk? I'd like to get to know you more. I haven't been here that long, and I feel like I've known you forever yet I know nothing about you."

I fidgeted, I really didn't want to talk about me for fear or saying something that I didn't want to admit yet. Luckily I was saved, a lady came upstairs with some guy - I hadn't met either yet.

"Hey Nikki, honey, I'm mak- oh... who's this?" the woman said.

"Aunt Ava and Johnny, this is Cameron... he's like the only friend I have here, he's actually over here all the time."

"Oh." Ava said with a big smile, "so you're the infamous Cameron? I've heard so much about you! Nice to meet you!" she said extending a hand towards me. I took it nervously and shook it.

"N-Nice to meet you too."

Ava and Johnny looked from me to Nikki a couple times then smiled at each other. "Well, I've just finished making lunch. Cameron, you're more than welcome to stay if you would like."

"Uh, no thanks I can't I -" Nikki cut me off.

"Thanks, Aunt Ava. We'll be down in a minute and Cameron _will_ be staying for lunch," Nikki said, shooting me a look.

Ava smiled and followed Johnny back downstairs. Nikki and I stood there a moment in silence, not too sure what to say.

"Don't go lying and say you can't because you need to be home or that you already ate... That's bull and both you and I know it." I bit my lip, she had caught me. But then again, it was pretty obvious I was going to lie. "Besides, I can hear your stomach... when was the last time you've even eaten anything?"

_I won't suffer, be broken  
Get tired, or wasted  
Surrender to nothing  
I'll give up what I  
Started and stopped  
From end to beginning  
A new day is coming  
And I am full of life_

I looked around, not wanting to answer the question. "We should go downstairs and not keep them waiting or have them get all suspicious of us..." I said, trying to get her to forget that she asked me anything and get her to buy my subject change.

Nikki nodded and I followed her down the spiraled stairs, through Ava's working space and then to the patio to a giant picnic table almost completely full. The only people I knew were Ava, Johnny and Bradin... I recognized the littlest one as Nikki's youngest brother.

"Everyone, this is Cameron. Cameron this is, as you already know; Ava, Johnny and Bradin," she said as she pointed to people around the table. "And this is Jay, Susannah and my little brother Derrick."

"And this girl next to me is Erika, you haven't met her yet Nikki." added Jay with his thick accent. ((speaking of which... did anyone see him in Dead Silence? I was so not used to him not having the accent HAHA))

Nikki gave a little smile to Erika and everyone gave a wave to me. Then Nikki and I took a seat at the opposite end of the bench at the table and began to dig in. I was a little shy about eating because I was so hungry, but didn't want to seem like a pig and a hog. I ate a piece of chicken and a bit of bread and didn't put anymore on my plate, but Nikki kept piling food on there anyhow. Of course, I ate it. Nikki's eyes gleamed when she saw me eating the piles and piles of food she gave me. I was very hesitant each time she gave me more of what everyone else would think when I kept eating, but I soon came to realize everyone was eating a lot. The food felt good in my stomach after not having any for some time.

Once we finished eating I helped Ava clean the dishes while Nikki walked Derrick over to his friends house. I was more than happy to help and it was really the least I could do for her after her giving me a meal when she just met me. For a long while, neither of us spoke to each other for a while as we were both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Ava broke the ice.

"So how long have you known Nikki?" she said, not looking at me but the dirty dish in her hands.

I paused a moment, trying to think back. "Well I met her the day she came here apparently."

"Oh how so?" Ava said, suddenly intrigued and now looking at me.

I explained to her how I came upon Nikki on the beach those two different times just by accident. Ava hadn't spoken a word, just sat there and listened. I continued to clean dishes while she just watched and listened to me talk.

"Hmm... I see. So that's why she was always at the beach those first couple days, you were there." she paused, trying to come up with something to say. "Thank you for being such a comfort to her. I really don't know where she'd be without someone as charming and sweet as you."

I gave a smile, trying not to make it too big. It was surely something all mother figures were supposed to say to their 'daughter's' guy friend. I didn't care though, it was still the nicest thing any of my friends... parents?... had ever said to me.

"Now, I don't mean to be so up front about this but... Cameron do you ever get fed? Let alone get taken care of?"

I dropped the plate I was holding in my hand, sending it to the ground with a heart stopping shatter. I quickly bent over and began picking up the pieces of the broken plate, apologizing a thousand times and somewhat covering my head. Ava said nothing but "don't touch it, let me get a broom I don't want you getting cut." I obeyed and stood back, on the verge of having a meltdown, I thought she would kill me. Once she swept it up, she dumped the remnants of the plate into the trash can. She set the broom against the and let the dust pan hang from her hand as she stared at me.

"I'm so sorry! I really am!"

Ava just stared at me with a baffled look. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to come up with the right thing to say. "Cameron, honey... did you think I was going to hit you?"

I bit my lip, fighting back the tears. This was insane... I just met this lady and now I'm on the verge of crying in front of her... I felt like such a pansy, but I was more scared than anything at the time. I swallowed hard, a lump (once again) building up in my throat. I looked away in shame, hoping that she'd take the hint. She did. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Why would you ever think such a thing? Do your parents hit you?"

I looked up at her through watery eyes, the first time in a long time I ever had a motherly figure even take a second glimpse at me... let alone care about me. I then explained to her what I had to Bradin about my parents, minus the freaking out and screaming part. She stroked my head the whole time I sobbed into her arms, not saying a word. Once I finished explaining, I felt very relieved for finally telling an adult about the misery I had been suffering.

"Oh, Cameron... Why haven't you told anyone?"

I sniffed and wiped my nose, "I didn't want to get taken away to a foster home or something. I wanted to stay here where my friends are... Plus it wasn't even this bad until they started drinking again..."

Ava clicked her tongue, "You're staying here."

_Run away, Run away  
I'll attack  
Run away, Run away  
Go change yourself  
Run away, Run away  
Now I'll attack  
I'll attack, I'll aa - WHOAH!_

I choked on my remaining tears, "What? I can't do that... Just come in here and throw a pity party to have you take me in. No, I'll go home eventually."

"No, that's it. You're staying here and that's final. Someone will find out you're living conditions, tell the wrong person and you'll be taken out of there... or what usually happens..." she paused and swallowed. "or they'll be seen one day, then never again the next."

I looked up at her through giant, wide eyes. I hadn't thought about death honestly being a true possibility. Of course, I had it in the back of my mind always, but never once thought it could be a possible outcome. I protested to Ava many more minutes before Nikki finally returned home. Ava and I stopped dead in our discussion as soon as we heard Nikki enter the kitchen. Nikki did look rather confused, but didn't say anything.

"Cameron's staying with us for a little while..." Nikki looked between Ava and I for some time, speechless. Directing her gaze towards me again, "Cameron, where do you live? I'd like to let your parents know where you'll be and... help."

My stomach dropped, "Ava, no, I can't. I don't want this to happen. I will get tak-"

Ava stopped washing the last plate, "Cameron... either you just tell me where you live or I follow you home and _then_ help."

I shook my head and gave her my address. "They're going to be less than pleased to have someone they don't know telling them what to do."

"I'll have backup outside, just in case."

I looked at her, a little unsure where she was going with this. It finally hit me and I knew what she meant by help, or at least I thought I did. "You're getting them arrested!"

Ava gave the tiniest laugh, "No... another kind of help... help that will take a little while."

My brain rattled and scrambled for the answer, it finally came to me again... _that_ help. I looked away from her, once again ashamed of my situation.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes our will power isn't strong enough to change and see what's going on in front of us because we're so sucked up in it... It's perfectly okay to need help everyone once in a while. It's okay to get that kind of help if it means your safety."

I walked over and threw my arms around her, not caring who was looking, and cried. Nikki still hadn't spoken a word, just stood there watching. I guess before the party I'd have to explain to Nikki all that was going on if she asked... I didn't really want to explain to another person my situation and have them take pity on me just like anyone else who knows. No one does anything though, so it makes no difference. Ava seems serious about it though, so I'm kind of believing her.

After I managed to pull myself together for the thousandth time, I smiled at Ava, thanked her and then began to leave the house with Nikki. I tried making my great escape quickly but Ava yelled out to us. I stopped dead in my tracks and closed my eyes, I didn't want to do this now.

"Cameron, let's go to your house quickly and get some of your things... Then you may go out with Nikki." I looked at Ava with do-we-have-to-do-this-now eyes. "Now."

I grit my teeth and led Ava to my house, Nikki following along behind us still unaware of all that was taking place. I now regretted helping Ava with the dishes. Regretted staying for dinner. Regretted reacting the way I did when I dropped and broke the plate. I regretted everything that went down in the past hour. I felt like such a fool and now I'm going to be taken away to a foster home or an orphanage all because Ava wouldn't let my family be.

As we neared my house I prayed that my parents weren't home... but of course they were. I wasn't even up my driveway yet and I could already smell the booze and drugs pouring out of the house - my parents were having another bum day obviously. The thing about them is that they always have bum days and when I say bum I mean sit around and act like a bum. Both my parents don't have jobs any longer because my father can stay home for a long because of an injury which he made four times as worse that he got on the job. My mother says that she's pregnant and refuses to go to work, so she's been home for a long while. It's actually embarrassing having the girl I have a crush on and her aunt coming to my house and actually seeing the condition that I live in.

I swallowed hard and turned the knob to the front door but stopped. "Don't come in yet in case they decide to throw something at the door when I open it... Be prepared and aware at all times..."

Ava crossed her arms and me then pulled Nikki in close to her as she walked closer to me. I opened the front door, there was a loud yell and then a shoe came flying through the door. I ducked out of the way quickly and shouted.

"Guys! Guys! It's me! It's Cameron! Geez calm down..."

There was a mumble from inside and I heard Nikki gasp when a small beach chair came out of the door. Smoke became vacuumed out of the house at the giant door that now acted as a vent. I peered around into the inside of my house cautiously so I wouldn't be hit with anything else. When my parents were finally able to see my face through the smoke in the air, they calmed down and placed everything back down.

"Oh fuck hun, it's only that fucking boy!" groaned my Mom in a raspy voice.

My father coughed and walked over to me, grabbing me by the neck of my shirt. "How many fucking times have I fucking told you not to fucking - oh... you brought home _company_?"

Ava smiled, trying her best to ignore how terrified she was, and extended her arm to my dad. "Hi, I'm Ava Gregory. I'm Nikki's aunt. You must be Cameron's Da-"

"I don't give a flying fuck who you are! What are you doing on my property?" the man spat.

Ava seemed to shrink back in the spot she was standing. I turned and looked at Ava, trying to get her not to say anything else and let me handle it. My father looked from me to Ava then to Nikki. My mother appeared in the door with a shot gun. I pointed it down and explained to her that it's alright and that there was no need for the gun. She tossed it aside and glowered at Ava and Nikki.

"Who is this little teeny bopper? Some whore of yours Cameron? And now it's older woman as well!" my mother said.

Ava placed Nikki behind her and stared my mother straight in the eyes. "Umm.. No... As I've already said to your husband. I'm Ava Gregory, Nikki's mother... Nikki is a friend of Cameron's. I was won-"

"Fuck! Cameron has no friends!"

Ava ignored my father's jeering remark and smack to the back, causing me to choke. "I was wondering if it'd be okay for Cameron to stay with us for a couple days... We'll be going on a tiny vacation and we would love for Cameron to join us. We'll pay for everything, all we need are some of his things... We should be back in about a week or so." Ava lied.

I looked at Ava in gratitude then to my half wasted, half stoned parents. They looked at one another and then my mother answered, "As long as it don't cost us nothing and we get this fucking boy away from us for a little bit he's all yours..."

I smiled at Ava and then began to walk inside, Ava and Nikki following behind. My father stopped Nikki with a yellow hand. "And you are again?"

"Ni-Nikki."

"You fuck 'im yet?"

I stopped in my tracks and walked over to Nikki and grabbed her by the arms and led her back outside. Ava didn't move though, just looked around. I told Nikki to stay outside or go back home, I didn't want her here. She just walked back inside with Ava and clutched Ava's hand for support. I quickly ran upstairs and grabbed everything I could find that I could use at their house and stuffed it into any bag I could find as well. I could hear Ava and my parents talking downstairs about me and where we'd be going.

"And where is this?"

"Oh, not too far away from here actually... We'll be right by a beach and everything! It'll be like he never even left Playa Linda... We'll be sure to take good care of him."

"I don't care about what the hell you do with that little bastard... I just want to be left alone," my father boomed.

"Where can we reach you Darla?" my Mom asked.

"Ava... Here, I'll give you my cell phone number to reach me. I'm not sure of the phone number or address of the house we'll be staying at but please, feel free to call me whenever you'd like. I'll do my best to always answer."

I rushed back downstairs after stealing about four hundred dollars out of my parents' safe - their drugs and booze money. They wouldn't notice for another couple hours when they'd need to go out and get more... Either that or tomorrow when they want more if they haven't blacked out.

Once my parents caught a glimpse of me both their faces turned sour and their moods changed. They had been in the middle of a conversation with Ava but then stopped dead the second I entered the room. All eyes were now on me and I felt like I was in a room full of predators and I was their prey. My stomach dropped and I swallowed, I felt like I was going to die. I caught Nikki's eye for a second and she looked terrified and confused - I'm not sure which more though.

"So where will ya's be goin' again?" my Dad slurred.

Ava closed her eyes impatiently, "Umm not too far off from here actually... We'll be staying at a house right on the beach and it won't even seem like it's too far away from home... I have already said this though."

"How long will this be? Where will we be able to contact you, you got any numbers?"

Ava sighed, "Well we should be there until about a week or two. Umm and about the numbers, I'll give you my cell because I don't know the address or the house number of the place we'll be staying at, as I've already stated. We actually won't be going there until tomorrow morning but Cameron should stay overnight because we'll be getting up hours before the sun even rises." she lied.

I looked to my parents in hopes that they would buy our story. They looked at each other a long time, communicating silently, then to Nikki, Ava and I. My mother's lips curled a bit when her eyes landed on mine, I seemed to shrink in the spot. We all stood in the room silently while my parents contemplated on letting me go or not.

_I would've kept you forever  
But we had to sever  
It ended for both of us  
Faster than a...  
Kill off this thinking  
It's starting to sink in  
I'm losing control now  
But without you I can finally say_

"Fine."

I gave my parents a tiny smile of gratitude. My father came rushing over to me, hand raised in the air. I dropped all my bags and covered my head, bracing myself for the blow. I was extremely surprised to find his hand actually patting me on the back versus smacking me in the head.

"Have f-fun s-s-s...s... boy," my father choked.

I looked at him with a half scared, half happy smile. He showed me his gums which I think was supposed to be an attempted smile because he had almost no teeth now and never smiled. I gazed over at my mother who was now exiting the room with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand chugging it as she walked out. I let out a sigh of relief and headed out of my house for the first time in a long time without being beat. Ava and Nikki practically ran out of the house, making it out there before me.

The whole entire walk back to Nikki's house I felt like I was in a daze. I wasn't really sure of where I was walking exactly or what really was happening. It was like I was in a dream, this was too good to be true. I wouldn't have to go home for many, many nights or days and I'd actually be taken care of. Nothing this good had ever happened to me in my whole entire life, so having it happen now seems like it's not real. I wasn't sure where we were now because I hadn't been paying attention the whole entire walk, just following the two ladies. We began walking up to their house, I assumed, and Nikki's hand brushed against mine causing me to come back to reality.

I walked into the house and took a deep breath, my temporary home for the remainder of the summer. The thought of this could have made me scream out in joy. Ava and Nikki mumbled something to each other and then I felt myself being pulled up a flight of stairs. I began to drift into thought again until I stumbled over a tiny foot rest in Ava's working room. The whole second floor was just one open room, with a bedroom off to the side, dedicated to Ava's work. I shook my head to stop daydreaming and paid attention to the fact that Nikki was now going up a different flight of spiraled stairs and I was still at the top of the stairs we came up.

Once in the room at the top of the stairs I began to gawk at the fact that the room was double in size of my room. Everything was clean and perfect and not reeking of booze, cigarettes, cum, or drugs. It was amazing that a room could actually smell good versus smell like shit. Nikki began talking and pointing around, not even noticing that I wasn't even paying attention. I stared at her in a daze, watching her body movements and keeping a close eye on her eyes. I knew the moment I laid eyes on Nikki that she was meant to be in my life. From the second I knew her name she has brought me nothing but joy and happiness. There hasn't been one bad thing that has come out of my knowing her or the short time that I have. Even thought I haven't known her for a long time, I feel like I have all my life. We get along so well and just clicked from the start. I didn't realize it until now but...

I love her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nikki looked over at me and smiled, "Are you even listening?" I nodded my head to reassure her and she continued to talk.

I held in a little laugh at how gullible and funny Nikki was, of course I wasn't listening. Couldn't she tell by the blank expression on my face? I continued to grin at all the things Nikki has brought to my life and then my expression quickly turned sour when I began to think of my parents. As evil and terrible of a thought it was, I wanted them dead. I couldn't stand them, I hated them. I hated everything about them. I hated the way they talked to me. I hated the way they addressed me. I hated the way they treated me. I hated how they wanted me dead. I hated how they always told me I was a mistake and never should have been born. I hated that they abused me. I hated that they drank. I hated that they smoked. I hated that they did drugs. I hated that they were dealers. I hated that they made and grew drugs. I hated how they make me want to die. I hated how before they used to take care of me. I hated how before they used to value my life. I hated how before they loved me.

The thought of all these things made my stomach turn a bit, but I couldn't help but keep thinking about how horrible they were. I hated my mother the worst though, she was a complete bitch. She ruled the house and everyone in it, she had the upper hand and all the power over my Dad. Sure she didn't beat me a lot, but when she did I'd sometimes leave with a sprained this or a broken that. My Dad was the nicer out of the two, sure he gave me most of my beatings... but that's because Mom didn't want to hurt and mess up her hands. My father was also nicer when he beat me too, I'd just get a few hard hits and that would be it. They were both terrible though, each had their own terrible parts about them that made up for a weakness in the other.

To think that this never would have happened if my Dad hadn't broken a rib and gotten addicted to the pain killers he was taking. To think that they never would have gotten into old habits and forgotten that they have a kid to take care of and be responsible for... All because of a broken rib because of my father's carelessness. It infuriated me but pained me more than ever at the same time.

As sick and twisted as this sounds, I miss the beatings I've grown so accustomed to taking. I obviously did something to deserve all of this and that is my punishment. For a long time I had a hard time dealing with my parents hating me, but now... it just doesn't bother me as much. It almost hurt more to go home and not get beaten because someone was there to witness everything versus going home and having a table bashed over my body. I miss them, even if they don't miss me. I still love them as well because they are my parents. Without having one of them beating me, it's like I have no one to care about me anymore. I've begun to think that their reasons for abusing me are just to show that they care... It's crazy but I have to believe it... even if I can't that the only thing I can hold onto.

(Nikki's POV)

I think it's kind of funny that I'm sitting here pointing out every little flaw in Cameron and totally making fun of him and he doesn't even notice. Before I asked him if he was listening I was actually talking about customs and such of the house so he wouldn't feel so out of place. But afterwards, I just began to make fun of him. It pains me to see that he isn't even listening and that he's just lost in his own world. I just can't believe his parents though... why? How could Cameron go on living like that and not tell anyone up until after I met him? I don't know exactly what's going on and what really happens but seeing what happened when we went there today was enough to make my own assumptions.

He doesn't even seem like he gets abused. There's no broken bones, bruises or any signs of anything at all. He just seems like they average teenage boy who just stays out all the time because he wants to hang out with friends not be stuck home with parents. He looks well groomed, he doesn't stink, he's not sick and he doesn't have an attitude problem in any way shape or form that I'm aware of.

I looked over at Cameron who was now staring blankly at the floor. He seemed to be crying but trying to hide it but keep it noticeable at the same time. I guess it must be hard to be a guy and cry in front of other people, but at the same time maybe crying with someone is better than crying alone. I've come to realize over the time since my parents died that I always feel much better about anything when I cry in front of someone because then they try and cheer you up or they give you advice. You can't do that for yourself, all you see is the bad stuff and none of the good. It may be a little embarrassing or degrading crying in front of someone but it's better than suffering with nothing to do.

I walked over to Cameron who still didn't notice I stopped talking or that I was approaching him. I tilted his chin up and made him look me in the eyes.

"Cameron, talk to me."

He shook his head and closed his eyes, "I'm fine... really, I am."

"Cameron, please," I pouted.

He finally gave up and I led him over to the bed and sat him down. For a few moments we didn't speak a word to each other, we just gathered our thoughts. I looked over at the clock, it was only a little past two. We had plenty of time to get ready for the party and more than enough time to talk. I held Cameron's hands in mine and leaned over so he could look at me.

"What are you thinking?"

He shook his head, "Nothing of importance... really, Nikki, I'm okay. I'm just in a little shock that I don't have to go home for a while to them."

I looked away and bit my lip to hold back myself from crying. It really hurt me to see him so upset but it hurt me even more to know that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what was up. "Remember the day you first met me? And even the second time? You found me when I was crying, but you let me cry. You let me tell you what was wrong even though you didn't know me and probably didn't care what was wrong... but you acted like you cared and you made me feel better... Now it's my turn to do the same for you. I've been completely in the dark the whole time about you and now I want you to give me some light. Cameron, I want to make you feel loved, like someone cares about you. I want to show you how much you mean to me and how much I care about you... You just gotta give me something to work with."

He looked at me through glassy eyes, "I don't want to go into detail... not today."

_Run away, Run away  
I'll attack  
Run away, Run away  
Go change yourself  
Run away, Run away  
Now I'll attack  
I'll attack, I'll aa - WHOAH!_

He began crying again so I held him tight in my arms like he did to me that first day on the beach. I rubbed his back and felt his body quake in my arms with sobs. "Nikki, I don't know if you feel this too but I l-"

He was cut off by the sound of knocking on the door. I yelled to her to come in and she opened the door with a smiling face, or attempted. Cameron wiped his eyes of all the remaining tears and looked over at Aunt Ava. She gave him a sympathetic smile and sat on the bed to the left of him.

"Well, Cameron... I called some help a little while ago and they went to your house to get your parents... Your parents have been taken away to a rehab facility not too far away from here. They'll be there for a little while but you can't visit them just yet... We can go in about a week if you like."

Cameron smiled weakly at Aunt Ava and I began to tear up. This was actually happening, Cameron was staying with us and his parents got sent away to rehab. I felt for Cameron's hand and squeezed it, but he moved his hand away from mine and drug it across his face. I wasn't really sure what to do so I just sat there and listened to Aunt Ava explain the details of the rehab they were in and this and that... all this technical stuff. After finishing Aunt Ava left us alone again, shutting the door behind her and not saying another word.

"I can't believe it... This really is happening, they're getting help," Cameron said at last once Aunt Ava left.

"Well that's what happens when other people get involved... they get help because they know you can't," I said.

"But th-that was embarrassing... You guys should have just let me go home by myself to get my stuff."

"No. Cameron, we're in this together now. You help me, I help you. You're hurt, I'll comfort you. I'm hurt, you comfort me..."

"Nikki... it's gonna get ugly, I know it. You don't even know the half of it - You don't even know what goes on at my house when no one's looking. No one has ever seen the things that I have or the way that I see them... It's sickening."

"It can't be that bad," I said.

"Nikki... my Dad got so drunk one time that my parents did it in my bedroom and my Dad tried fucking me but I cracked a glass bottle over it head."

I stopped dead at this, holding back the vomit. I didn't know if I wanted to know anymore of what went on... maybe it _was_ better to not know and be left in the dark. But then again... maybe Cameron needed someone to tell. I looked at Cameron, he now looked away from me and stood up. He walked over to the nearest window and sat on it's ledge, not saying a word. I sat there a moment, not sure of what to do with myself. I wasn't sure if I should leave or stay, either way I felt I wouldn't do the right thing. In the end I decided to stay put until Cameron told me to get the hell out.

I admired all the muscles and the shape of his body, so perfect and flawless. I guess I had never noticed it before but Cameron was extremely thin and had almost nothing to him, except a heap of muscle. But I guess living in a house like his you'd need to have that kind of muscle to protect yourself. Cameron's eyes seemed far off and distant again like he was thinking critically about something. His jaw was clenched tight, signaling to me he was angry about something he was thinking of possibly. A thick silence lingered in the room, making me feel extremely uncomfortable being there.

I waited about another five minutes before I finally couldn't take it anymore, Cameron didn't want me here. I looked over at him again to see if there was any kind of sign for me to get out or to stay. When there was nothing I closed my eyes shut tight and swallowed to try and keep myself from crying again.

I stood up and began to exit the room when Cameron practically jumped in front of me in a split second. "Where are you going?"

I looked around awkwardly, "I was leaving so you could have some alone time."

"Why would you do that?" he asked.

"Because I thought you wanted me to..."

"No, don't leave... please."

I looked directly into his pleading eyes, "Okay."

I wrapped my arms tight around his neck, standing on my toes to reach. He seemed grateful and embraced me back, picking me up off the ground so I didn't have to strain anymore. He held a hand on the back of my head and held me tight in his arms but not so much that he squished me. We stayed like that for a long time, not saying a word, just hugging each other and taking in as much of the other as we possibly could.

"You don't have to stick with me if you don't want to," he said at last.

"I want to though, no matter what happens I want to be there for you."

There was a long silence again and he set me back down on the ground. He cupped my cheek with his one hand and stared me directly in the eyes before embracing me in his arms again.

"Nikki, don't ever leave me."

"I won't, I promise," I choked as I began tearing up again. _I love you Cameron... I would never abandon you_, I thought to myself.

_Your promises  
They look like lies  
Your honesty's  
Like a back that hides a knife  
I promise you (promise you)  
I promise you (promise you)  
I am full of life_

(Cameron's POV)

It seemed as though she forgot that we were supposed to be talking about stuff, which meant I didn't have to tell her yet. Of course in time I would, but not just yet. Right there was a little too soon and I felt as though I would have been just throwing it out there instead of truly having lots of meaning behind it. This was a touchy subject and I wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize my chances or my friendship. As of now, Nikki is my only friend and I don't want to lose her for anything or for anyone.

I looked around the room to find a clock and my eyes landed on a tiny digital clock that read four fifteen.

"I guess we should start getting ready because the party is at five and her house is on the other side of the pier."

Nikki nodded at me then exited the room to go to her own. I didn't really need to get ready, maybe all I needed to do was run a comb through my hair and reapply my deodorant. I sat on my bed for a few moments, just taking in my new surroundings then casually walked downstairs and waited for Nikki.

I was amazed at how long Nikki would need to get ready, it was already four forty-five and she still wasn't done. I got sick of clicking through the channels on TV because there was nothing on so finally I gave up and turned the TV off, putting the clicker back on the table where it was before.

I leaned back on the couch and let out a deep breath, shutting my eyes peacefully for the first time in months without having to worry about being hit. It was rather relaxing to not have to worry about anything for a change. I probably got about another ten minutes of this peace before Nikki poked me on the forehead. When I opened my eyes I found her staring down at me, looking pretty much the same as she did when she left me to go get ready.

"What took you?"

Nikki looked at me and crossed her arms, "I changed, I had to clean up my room before Aunt Ava yelled at me, and..." she stopped like she was going to say something else but decided against it.

"Well then," I stuck my arm out for her to grab, which she did, "let's go to enjoy the party at the annoying Amber's house."

Before we left I caught another quick glance at the clock and noticed it was already five. I rolled my eyes when I remembered how Amber told me over and over I had to be there at five or else I'd regret it. Nikki must have noticed my annoyed look because she tugged on my arm.

'What's wrong?"

"Amber's what's wrong..."

She gave me a confused look, "Well we both know that... but why?"

"She'll flip 'cause we're late," I said breathlessly.

Nikki paused a moment and thought, "We can just bag the party if you want."

"No... she'll be even more pissed and annoying if I don't go."

I paused a moment, "Cameron... will you stay with me during the party? Like not leave my side?"

He smiled, "I promise I won't leave you or do anything that will mean us being apart... You promse too?"

"Promise."

Then that was the end of our conversation until we reached Amber's house. We got there at about five thirty and Amber seemed to be pacing the door waiting for us because we didn't even get up to the door completely before she opened it.

"Cameron fucking Bale... Where the hell have you been??" Amber screamed.

I rolled my eyes and just walked past her, "Getting my date... Then we went to get something to eat but the waiter took too long so that's why we're late."

(Nikki's POV)

I was impressed with how quickly Cameron came up with that. Had it of been me getting badgered with questions and put in the hot seat I would have sat there like a buffoon. Cameron seemed to be impressed with himself too as he gave a stupid little smile and bobbed his head up and down. I felt Amber's eyes burn holes in me so I turned at looked at her, not flinching under her intimidating stare. She scowled at me and walked over to Cameron, putting her face extremely close in his.

"You wanna dance, baby?" she asked seductively.

Cameron pushed her away, "Not if you were the only one here... I'm here with Nikki."

"Well I didn't invite her, she has to leave."

_Run away, Run away  
I'll attack  
Run away, Run away  
Go Change yourself  
Run away, Run away  
Now I'll attack  
I'll attack, I'll attack  
I will attack_

Cameron stood up straight, "Fine, then she'll leave." My stomach dropped, Cameron was going to abandon me? "C'mon Nikki let's go find something better to do." I thought too soon, Cameron was better to me than that.

Amber scoffed then quickly yelled as we were leaving, "NO! She can stay! SHE CAN STAY!"

Cameron turned around with a sly smile, "Good."

Cameron led me past Amber and deeper into the house. I did feel a bit bad about Amber still wanting Cameron but him wanting nothing to do with her. It isn't fun to get rejected and made me think a lot of Michael. I still hadn't heard from him in all this time since we moved, I guess he forgot about me. I certainly had forgotten about him until now and when I had first met Cameron who still had a striking resemblance to Michael. I hadn't really mentioned much about my past to Cameron, though he hadn't really asked either so I guess I didn't need to bring it up.

Cameron and I quickly rushed through everyone in the house to try to get Amber to lose sight of us. We sat down on a tiny couch that was more than filled with people. We made our great escape into the backyard that was now full of dozens of half drunk or stoned teenagers. It amazed me that he cops hadn't come and busted everyone at the party, they were really strict now. But then again, Amber's Dad was a cop... so maybe she gets special privileges. I don't know.

We hadn't seemed to be outside for more than a minute before Amber had found us again.

"CAMERON!!" came her screechy voice.

Cameron held his eyes shut tight and grit his teeth, "Yes _Amber_?"

"Well where are you going? Don't you want to hang out? The party's inside!"

"Well Nikki and I wanted some fresh air... and to get away from you," Cameron said, saying the last part under his breath.

Amber hadn't seemed to notice the last part because she was staring directly at me now. She eyed me up and down like a pedophile does a child. Cameron looked toward me and tried to signal me to leave with him but I refused to move.

"Is there a problem Amber?" I asked venomously.

She seemed startled by this and took a step back, maybe she figured I didn't know how to talk. Cameron grabbed my hand and took me back inside the house to get away from Amber. We quickly darted out the front door then swung around the side of the house and ran through the back yard to the other side of the house. I was rather amazed at how quick Cameron could weave in and out of the crowds of people. We looked around quickly then sat in the cover of a giant bushy garden area.

I leaned my head up against the back of the house and sighed. I wanted to leave already, I couldn't stand looking at her. I turned to Cameron who was looking around frantically for any signs of Amber. After a few moments he seemed to calm down and joined me next to the house behind a bush. He smiled when he caught my eye, causing my heart to melt.

I wished this moment could last forever, just Cameron and I being alone together. I knew it would end shortly when Amber discovered where we were. It seemed as though when this thought passed through my mind the devil found us... another attempt to ruin my night. Cameron grabbed my hand again and raced in the opposite direction of Amber until she was out of sight.

_Run away  
I'll attack, I will attack  
Run away  
I'll attack, I will attack  
Run away, run away  
Now I'll attack,I'll attack  
I'll aa - WHOAH!_

We ran back inside again and stopped a moment to catch our breath. I looked over at Cameron who was wearing a stern face. I could see he was clearly getting annoyed with Amber, but he still didn't want to leave.

"Cameron, can't we just leave?"

He looked down at me, being as he was a full head taller than me. "No... I have to prove something to Amber tonight and you're going to help me."

I looked at him dumbfoundedly, "Huh? How?"

He didn't get a chance to answer me because Amber seemed to have found us again. I figured she must be asking people if she saw us because everyone there knew Cameron because of Amber. She stormed over to us with an angry and annoyed expression plastered across her face.

"Cameron, what is up with you?"

Cameron glowered at her, "Nothing... and what's up with you?"

Amber scoffed, "Cameron, come and dance with me now!"

Cameron grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight, "I'm with Nikki."

Amber got close into Cameron's face and drug the tip of her finger under his chin, "Not for long you aren't." Then she planted a giant kiss on his lips.

I pulled my hand out of Cameron's and casually walked into the next room to go and see what time it was. I made sure it didn't look like I was upset, even though on the inside I felt like I blew up. I turned around and Cameron still looked like he was kissing Amber, so I just walked straight out the back door to the furthest point in yard.

I thought about our conversation walking over to the party...

_"Cameron... will you stay with me during the party? Like not leave my side?"_

_"I promise I won't leave you or do anything that will mean us being apart... You promse too?"_

_"Promise."_

Yeah, some fucking promise that was Cameron... think about what you're doing now... I kept my promise, why couldn't you keep yours? I wanted to leave badly, but I didn't know how to get home so I was stuck here until Cameron wanted to leave. I was disgusted with everyone that was at the party, especially Amber. That fucking whore. I was even more disgusted with Cameron... prove something to Amber my ass...

Right now, I want to die. I'm no longer trusting anyone; not Cameron, not anyone. Promises mean nothing to me now. Cameron, I hate you.

_Your promises (promises, promises)  
I promise you (promise you)  
I promise you (promise you, promise you...)  
_

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Ok, well that's that. I should have another chapter up within the next few days because I already had it written from when the song I was using in it came out. So... expect to see that soon. 

Please review!


	10. Let The Flames Begin

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! Jesse McCartney was in Dream Street?!?!?!? WTF. I never knew that xD

sorry.. spaz .

Okay, so I've decided that I'm going to give you another chapter within a short amount of time because I've had this one written since before Paramore's new CD came out... So, since it fit in now, I've decided to put it up. Also, in case I don't update before school... It'll make as a tiny apology ahead of time. [:  
I also have been doing things such as going to Warped Tour, Ozzfest, Projekt Revolution and Wicked... So my plates been full. Anyone go to any of those? xD I love talking...

Ah. I'm really appreciating all of the comments. :)  
Many of you have commented on how detailed I make this story and how sad it is as well. Well this is because I try making it as realistic as possible without making it so unrealistic. I've always enjoyed stories that have enough detail for me to feel like I'm there but not enough to paint the whole picture for me, so that's what I've tried to create. You can't have life without ups and downs, happy moments and sad ones... so a story shouldn't be any different. That's why this story is sad and it can be happy, I'm getting there though.

Okay now for the big thank you's:

Sara, kandykane33, Elizabeth Yaster, anywbshowlover, SonoIoLaBellissima, jessefan0409, IlovJesseMcCartney55, Julie, Shelby, cookiedoughmunchkin, Tia92, Corbin's My Man, xx LIVE in LOVE, southernsweetheart7993, Dracosbabe18, single forever.., si, LollyGirl, VcChick, DaddysGirls4EverAnd4Always1212, Ruth Emma Renoldy, Kallen, Baybee.Kayked.Fever, Miss Jack Ryan, gabriella, kaeti, Dreamgurl868, KRB, Abby, summerland fan 4 eva, toohawtforyou, dasani, ruth & terri, BreakToTheStars, Candace Storms, Cynthia1993 and Jasmine.

some of you may have changed your names since I wrote this or over time, or I've put you in here twice thinking it's someone else; but at the same time.. you all know who you are.

**THANK YOU **because without all you guys I wouldn't have continued to write this story. Even those of you who don't review when you know you should, I thank you too. You guys are the best and I hope you know that. :)

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... as ususal but the plot. I also do no own "Misery Business" by Paramore.**

**I also want to note that the songs I've used so far are "Wake Me up When September Ends," "Are We The Waiting," "The Ghost Of You," "Learn To Be Lonely," "Demolition Lovers," "Dowm," "The Tide," "Time Is Running Out," "Wrong Way To Hide," and "Attack." I just thought I'd note that because a lot of that was taken out when I rewrote the story and it'll bug me if I don't say something about it... xD  
leave me alone**

**Please review! 10 gets you another chapter!**

**Ah, who's finished the last Harry Potter book? I just did XD**

Oh and also, I have about... 3 or 4 other chapters mostly written and have had them for sometime now so once I'm done proofreading them and finishing them you shall have many new chapters! All of them should be posted before September 5th because that's when I go back to school and I don't know when I'll have time to write anything besides schoolwork. So.. I'll try to make up for what I can ahead of time.

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**Chapter 10: Let The Flames Begin **

**(Nikki's POV)**

I couldn't stop playing the scene with Amber and Cameron over and over in my mind. The more I thought about it, the more annoyed and hurt I became. All I was playing over was her unworthy lips touching his and that fucking smug look on her face as she was doing so. I wanted to kill her but I had to contain myself; bitch or not, it was her birthday and I have to respect that. Tomorrow... she dies.

_I'm in the business of misery,  
Let's take it from the top.  
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock.  
It's a matter of time before we all run out,  
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth._

I had sat by myself in the back of the yard for a good half hour before someone finally graced me with their presence. I didn't turn around when I heard them coming because I was quickly trying to wipe away all my tears. The person stood behind me a moment before finally speaking.

"Nikki?"

It was Cameron... I stood up and began to walk off when he grabbed my arm. I attempted to pull my arm out of his grip but it was too tight. I stood there, not looking at him and not talking. I heard him sigh loudly and I felt him move closer to me.

"Nikki..." He stood in front of me but I spun around so I didn't have to look at him. It pained me to even hear the sound of his voice let alone have to look at him.

"I w-want to g-go home," I choked, trying my best not to start balling my eyes out.

Cameron wrapped his arms around my waist from the back and propped his head up on my shoulder. He stayed like that a moment and seemed as though he was smelling me. This freaked me out a little bit, but I didn't move.

"Nikki, tell me what's wrong," he said cutely, giving me a tiny peck on the cheek.

This infuriated me and I threw him off of me. "How can you go and do that? How can you go and do that then just come out here like nothing happened and act all cute? IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK!"

"Nikki..."

"No, don't you fucking 'Nikki' me... I hate you, Cameron! I wish I never met you!"

This seemed to hurt him a bit because all the color drained out of his face and he looked like he wanted to cry. I began walking away and ran off towards the beach. I couldn't tell whether or not he followed me because I was so mad I couldn't hear anything but the rapid beating of my own heart.

I threw myself down onto the sand close enough to the ocean that I could feel it spraying my face, but I wasn't getting wet from the tide. I clenched my teeth tight in effort to keep myself from screaming or crying or anything. I wanted to just calm down before I did anything else, but that would take a while.

In the distance I could hear Amber's anoying voice calling out for Cameron, but he didn't seem to be answering. I didn't really care where he was, I just wanted him to be as far away from me as possible. I felt someone approaching me from behind but didn't care enough to bother turning around. I assumed it was Cameron because they sat right next to me sniffling. At this point I couldn't hold it in any longer and I began to cry. I turned my head away from whoever was sitting next to me and cried silently.

I doubt this did any good because the person next to me noticed and wrapped their arms around me, pulling me towards them. At this moment, I knew it was Cameron because the embrace set off butterflies in my stomach and it was so familiar. I wrapped my arms around Cameron like a little child would their mother. My body shook violently in his arms as every drop of water possible rushed out of my eyes.

Cameron was fine now but seemed a bit touchy at the sound of me crying, "I'm sorry Nikki. I didn't expect that... Please, please forgive me. Before I even knew what happened you were already gone!"

"I... I c-can't."

"Nikki... please... I need you to forgive me," he pleaded.

Ever fiber of my being was screaming out to me to just leave him there and abandon him like he did me, but my heart was bellowing otherwise. I fought within myself what to do for some time until I finally came up with my decision... I would forgive him, but he had to make it up to me. I stood up and stuck out my hand toward him for him to grab it.

"C'mon..." I grunted.

He seemed pretty please because he jumped up and scooped me up in his arms and planted a big kiss on my cheek. I wasn't one of those girls who was very fond of getting picked up, so needless to say I was screaming like mad for him to put me down. He did nothing of the sort though, he just swung me around in his arms making me feel like I was on a roller coaster. We made such a rucus that I think all of Playa Linda may have heard us, and most definitely Amber.

Within seconds Amber was down to where we were on the beach screaming at Cameron. "CAMERON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

Cameron laughed, "What does it look like? I'm hanging out on the beach with Nikki."

Amber rolled her eyes and shoved Cameron, me still in his arms. "Cameron... what the fuck?"

**(Cameron's POV)**

I didn't want to put her down because as soon as I did I knew Amber would go after her. Amber and I held a glaring contest for about three minutes before Nikki began to fidget in my arms. I held her tighter and tried to ask her silently if I was hurting her; when I got no response I figured she was fine. My arms began to tremble a little bit from holding her for so long but I held on. I think Nikki noticed because she looked up at me with big eyes.

"You can put me down, Cam."

I shook my head and walked past Amber back to her house. I quickened my pace when I heard Amber walking quickly behind us. I didn't want to go back up to the house with her right on my tail so I began to run after I let Nikki back down. Amber wouldn't want to run because she wouldn't want to get all sweaty, so we had quite a distance between us. We entered the house and looked around for the furthest place away from the front door, the family room - which was located in the back of the house.

**(Nikki's POV)**

I looked around anxiously for a place to sit, but there was no where. I found it amazing that there were so many kids here for Amber. This thought was quickly erased from my head when I concluded that only a handful probably were invited and the rest were just party crashers. I guess it made the part

I'd about had it with Amber's shit. I wanted more than anything to leave right then and there, but I knew I couldn't because Cameron was oblivious and wanted to stay, plus he had to prove something. What that was I still didn't know because he wouldn't tell me but I figured it was big. The beginning of the night, Amber had hawked over Cameron and I, not leaving us alone for more than a minute. It drove me insane and I know she knows that. There was still plenty of night left, so there was more than enough time to get back at her. I walked over to an unusually empty couch and sat down, not even caring if Cameron followed me - which he did.

"Nikki, what's wrong?"

I looked away from him, I really wasn't in the mood to say anything to him with Amber coming up from behind him. I didn't make any motion to signal Cameron that she was approaching. Cameron placed a hand on mine and looked deep into my eyes like he wanted to say something. He shifted closer to me and gave me a big, warm, loving hug. I didn't look up at Amber, who was now behind Cameron, but I could see her eyes were narrow and she was angry. Amber leaned over and tapped Cameron's shoulder with disgust.

_I waited eight long months,  
She finally set him free.  
I told him I can't lie he was the only one for me.  
Two weeks and we had caught on fire,  
She's got it out for me,  
But I wear the biggest smile._

"Excuse me! None of that in my house! Get a fucking room if you want to do that!" she said with tons of venom in her voice. "I didn't invite her anyway!"

Cameron stood up, taking me by the hand again, and began walking away from her. I was a little shocked and surprised by this, but went along with it just the same. Cameron started heading upstairs through the millions of people on them, making my stomach do flips. I looked back at Amber who was now in pursuit of us. Luckily or us there was an empty room upstairs so we quickly ran into it and locked the door behind us before Amber even got upstairs. I leaned on the door with my mouth wide open as I stared at Cameron, who was now sitting on the bed looking at me.

"What was that all about?" I asked him once I regained my voice.

His eyes narrowed, "I'm sick of her following us around! I mean goddammit, I want to spend time alone with you! She just can't stand that so she thinks if she follows me around enough I'll ditch you and go back to her. Even the kiss earlier, she thought that would tear us apart but it didn't. Yeah, you got mad at me and I fet terrible but I'm sticking by you... If it means hiding in a room together, then I'll do it. Just so I can be alone with you."

I gave him a toothy smile, which he returned, and walked over to the bed at which he sat. I didn't sit very close to him for fear of being awkward but I sat close enough that I could hear his heavy breathing. He stood up again and leaned his ear to the door and I stood up to find a light. It was rather dark in the room now because it was already nine o'clock, which I found mindboggling. I looked over towards Cameron who had a dorky smile etched across his face.

He walked over to me so his voice didn't have to carry across the room. "Amber has no idea where we are, no one saw us come in here."

I smiled, "Finally we don't have to get badgered anymore."

I sighed then sat back down on the bed, giving up my quest to find a light. Cameron followed me over to the bed and sat close to me, causing my heart to race. I could tell Cameron felt the same way I did because he kept fidgeting and playing with his hands and opening his mouth then closing it. I laughed inside my head at how funny the situation was. I decided now would be a good time to get Cameron hot as payback for kissing Amber. I looked away from Cameron and began running my hand up and down his thigh. I heard Cameron swallow and felt him shudder under my playful touch.

I didn't have to look at Cameron to know that he was watching the very movements of my hand, wondering what I was going to do next. I felt happy with myself doing this to him, but I wasn't going to give him anything. I was within centimeters of his manhood when something I hadn't expected happened, Cameron leaned over and pushed me on the bed.

"Cameron what are you d-"

I was quickly cut off by Cameron's lips locking around mine. I closed my eyes and took in every aspect of the situation and the kiss, making my heart beat faster and faster. I struggled to catch my breath each time Cameron's lips parted with mine; I wasn't used to long, repeatitive kisses. Cameron didn't seem like he was either so he pulled his lips away from mine and stared down at me panting. My chest heaved up and down and my body shook with delight, I wanted more. I leaned up and wrapped my one arm around his neck, bringing him back down to me. Our mouths locked again, over and over again until Cameron had enough of this first rate kissing.

Cameron ran his tongue across my bottom lip. He went to stick his tongue in my mouth but I quickly shut it. I wasn't really sure where this was going now or how I felt about it. I mean sure, I really liked Cameron... but he was my best friend. Was that okay? A million thoughts and questions raced through my head at the moment; as well as tons of red flags but also many go aheads. Cameron must have sensed the same thing I did as a look of shock spread across his face.

**(Cameron's POV)**

I would have put my hands over my mouth in shock, but I didn't want to come off as gay to Nikki. What just happened? I had a hard time coming to the realization of what my actions were just moments ago as they were so out of character. I shook my head to temporarily getme him out of my own head. I blankly glanced over at Nikki who was staring blankly back at me. A long, uncomfortable silence fell over us as we stared surprisingly back into each other eyes. Words, thoughts, sentences, and excuses all rolled around and clotted my brain the whole time as I tried to come up with something reasonable to tell Nikki for my unreasonable actions. I didn't regret what I did, I more than wanted to do so and was planning on kissing her in the near future. I'm slowly growing tired of just giving little kisses on the forehead and cheek and have them mean nothing to her, but it means a ton to me.

I don't want to jump to conclusions but I'm beginning to think Nikki may feel something for me as well... but I also think not. Sometimes it seems like she wants a better closer relationship with me and other times it just seems like we're comfortably close best friends. Nikki hasn't attempted to make any friends since she's moved here which may be why she's so close to me - but then again she has told me many times she only wants me. No matter how I look at my relationship with her and how she feels about it, I can always find the opposite just as soon as I think of a possibility. The more I play over possibilities and outcomes in my head, the more contradictory this becomes.

I can't stop thinking about it and just as I seem to get somewhere with Nikki, one of my ex's comes and jumbles everything up - the most prominent being Amber. I don't take any mind to the other girls because they basically tricked me into going out with them. They sometimes comeup to me and try to get all over me because they still want me, but they aren't as annoying or persistent as Amber... Most of them feel Nikki doesn't deserve to hang out with me and often have gotten all up in her face over it, but she doesn't seem to be bothered by them. She just can't stand Amber and sometimes... neither can I.

We continued to sit in silence for what seemed like ages before there was barbaric pounding on the door. There was furious screaming along with it too but the pounds on the door drowned them out. Nikki and I looked at each other and immediately knew it was Amber, we had been discovered. I quickly crawled up the bed and then under the covers after kicking off my shoes and pulling off my shirt, Nikki doing the same... even the shirt part - but she still had a bra on to my disappointment. There was a sound of clicking at the door and then the door was forced open; she must have picked the lock.

**(Nikki's POV)**

My heart was pounding again as I felt Cameron's bare flesh on his chest and stomach touch my stomach and the top of my chest. I never would have imagined this was how I'd end up in bed with him. Cameron gave me a little wink and then leaned in and locked his mouth around mine and began to feel up my body. I knew it was only something to spite Amber, but at the same time I think he just wanted an excuse to be all over me. I felt Cameron's hand cup my one breast and squeeze, which made me lose my breath a moment. Cameron's mouth locked hard over mine and I managed to sneak a look over his shoulder to Amber who was standing there like she was going to die.

_Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But, I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
Cause God it just feels so...  
It just feels so good._

I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't because we were both pretending like she hadn't even entered the room. Cameron looked into my eyes with a come-on-we-need-to-make-this-look-good look. I swallowed hard, knowing what Cameron was refurring to. I arched my back a tiny bit to allow Cameron's hand to slide underneath my back. My body trembled with nervousness and who knows what else. Cameron fumbled for a moment himself as he tried to undo the back of my bra and once accomplishing this, he slid it off my arms and sent it sailing to the floor beside us. Amber sounded taken back by this as she let out a giant gasp and then the door was slammed shut and I could hear her screaming even over all the music.

Cameron didn't seem to notice she left, and if he did he was doing a hell of a job acting like he didn't. I tried to tell Cameron that Amber had left but he stopped me before I could do so; cupping his mouth around mine so I couldn't speak. I felt somewhat exposed now and I wasn't sure if I was ready to do what I was doing. Cameron laced his fingers with mine and held them diagonally above my head. We kissed over and over and over again until I couldn't help but lose my breath each time my mouth was closed. I'm sure Cameron could feel my heart pounding in my chest even through all the flesh that was in giant heaps above it. I felt him give a tiny smile when I let out a moan when he began feeling me up again. I wasn't really sure what to do again because ever fiber of me was protesting what I was doing... but I couldn't help but want it.

Cameron's lips traveled down to my neck where he over and over again kissed and sucked. I wanted more than anything to put my shirt back on because I was getting cold and Cameron must have sensed this or felt the same way because he pulled a blanket further up on our bodies so nothing but our heads were sticking out. I let out gasp after gasp and I was beginning to feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. He fianlly let go of my hands and they traveled down to my chest again, resting there. I wrapped my arms around his neck to bring him even closer to my body. He brought his lips back up to mine and locked, tactfully sliding his tongue into my mouth before I could stop it. Pur tongues danced with each other a breif moment in time before Cameron's lips and tongue parted with mine.

He held himself above me, just staring down at me with a smile gliding across his face. I looked back up at him as well and smiled. He leaned down again and kissed me on the forehead, then on each cheek. I giggled at these tiny kisses. Cameron then collapsed to the side of me and drapped an arm across me as if he was trying to cover up my cheset as best he could. He lay his head on my shoulder and sighed.

"Thank you for going along with that," he breathed.

I looked at him, "No problem... but Amber had been gone for about 15 minutes before just now."

"Yeah, I know... I just had to make sure she wasn't standing by the door or something."

I laughed, "Yeah I'm sure, you just wanted to touch and kiss me... who you kiddin'?" I laughed again and hit him playfully on the head.

He rolled away from me and I cuddled up close to him, making sure my bare flesh was pressed up hard against his. "Oh, Cameron... don't get mad, I'm only teasing you. Of course it was only just to prove something to Amber, an act. You know that right?"

He swooped an arm under my head and curled it around my upper half. I lay my head on his chest and lay a hand on there as well. He began to pet my head while breathing heavily. "I'm not a dog you know!"

He laughed and stopped petting my head but went to rubbing my back. "I know you're only joking... but what if I wasn't joking."

I sat up and looked at him, "What?"

He looked at me a moment and smiled then rolled out of bed, throwing my bra and shirt back at me. I had almost completely forgotten my top half was naked as was his. We put our clothes back on and began to exit the room. Cameron put an arm out in front of me to stop me from reaching the door. I looked at him a moment, unsure of what he was doing - he looked the same way. He opened his mouth a couple of times but always shut it, like the words were suddenly becoming stuck in his throat.

"What do you mean you weren't joking? About what?..."

Cameron shook it off and opened the door for me, "Don't worry about it.. I'll explain everything to you one day."

I was about to try to get more out of him when I just decided to drop the subject and leave it be. We made our way downstairs where the party seemed to be dying down and most of the people there were either drunk or getting there. I tried to catch Cameron's glance because I wanted to leave before I had some boob come and try to get all over me or have someone spike my drink. It seemed as soon as I thought this, some hideous guy came swaying over to me with a cup of beer sloshing around in his hand. I looked for Cameron to save me but he had left my side again, no where in sight.

I tried avoiding the drunken boy as best I could but he still managed to bump into me.

"'Ey thurr shexsy... You wanna hove soom fun?" he slurred.

I shook my head in digust, "No thanks. I've had enough fun for one night... maybe another time?" I tried to ease around him but he dropped his beer and grabbed me hard on the arms.

"Noooooo now we c-can't hove that. C'mon baybay... Come on wiff meeee," he slurred even more as he tried dragging me up the stairs.

I wanted more than anything to scream or something but I couldn't, I just kind of went with him. My body seemed frozen from shock that this was actually happening and Cameron had left me again. Even though he had promised me more than once that he wouldn't leave my side again, he did. My heart sank as I began to think of this and I just didn't care what would happen to me... I couldn't possibly hurt anymore than I am right at this moment because of Cameron. A moment ago he was right by my side and was all over me and now he's gone. I felt like a whore who has just been used for a cheap fuck and then was abandoned, but that's the name of the game... isn't it?

I suddenly lost all train of thought when the stimpleton that was leading me up the stairs tripped and fell all the way back down them. Figuring this was my chance to escape, I darted down the stairs where I came face to face with Amber.

"Nikki... what's going on? Are you alright? I saw what just happened with the drunk guy!"

"Yeah, I'm fine... but I'll be going home," I panted.

Amber looked, to my surprise, shocked and disappointed. It may have only been an act but she truly did seem disappointed. "Why don't you stay and hang with me?"

I didn't really care at this point, I just wanted the night to end. I wanted to stay away from Cameron as well and if it meant hanging with Amber, then it was good enough for me. "Umm... sure?"

Amber waved a hand at me, "Don't seem so surprised... I'm not a complete bitch. I actually like you, I just can't stand Cameron because of the means of him dumping me... I mean me, Amber Starr... You can't dump _me. _I mean I'm the dumper." I rolled my eyes and she must have noticed because she stopped ranting. "Well, I didn't mean to bore you. I'm just very sorry that you became part of me destroying Cameron's life."

I looked at her funny and tilted my head, "I thought you still liked him."

Amber laughed and tapped me on the shoulder, "Oh no no no! Of course not. I don't mean that sarcastically either. I just want to ruin his life by any means possible... He shouldn't be flattering himself with such an assumption."

I looked at Amber, not completely believing her but still believing at the same time. We walked out back where a few dozen kids were scattered on the ground, piss drunk. Amber let out a little laugh at two boys kissing, all the while thinking the other was a girl. "It's amazing.. I didn't even have any alcohol here, now look at everyone!"

Amber and I talked for about another fifteen minutes and then Amber led me back into the house, introducing me to a handful of people along the way. We sat down on a couch and when I looked over, Cameron was in a deep conversation with a very pretty girl. Amber knew I had noticed because a little smirk fell across her face. She didn't speak a word about it for some time because she just sat there glowering at me as I stared at Cameron.

"That's how I lost him... He started hanging out with you. Next he was giving you little kisses while we were still going out... now look at us."

The girl Cameron was talking to glanced over at me without me almost noticing it. She leaned up to Cameron and kissed him on the lips but he didn't seem to resist. I stood up and smacked Amber hard across the face; a hard, loud smack.

"You disgust me, Amber."

And with that last statement, I left the room and headed towards the door with all eyes on me. I didn't make eye contact with anyone and I didn't look back either. I kept walking forward towards the beach then to the left where I thought I lived. Many people were calling after me and yelling about how awesome that was. Some people were even threatening to hurt me. I didn't care though, I was beyond pissed.

I just couldn't believe that I actually thought Amber was warming up to me and that Cameron actually was trustworthy. Hell, wasn't I wrong. I'm not forgiving either of them, ever. That will always be etched in the back of my mind, I'll just pretend like I don't remember. Neither of them are going to mean shit to me anymore though. I'm not going to hawk over Cameron because he doesn't like me and I sure as hell am not going to act like a whore to get a guy... even a guy as amazing as Cameron who has no interest in me.

I'm done.

_Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.  
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.  
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.  
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way.  
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.  
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,  
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.  
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!_

I wasn't really all that sure how I even managed to find my aunt's house in the complete dark, but I did. I was all puffy eyed when I entered the house from crying so much. No one was up though, or at least I thought until I saw Bradin sitting in the dark on the couch. He clicked on a light on the table next to him, scaring me shitless because I hadn't known at the time he was there. Bradin observed my appearance for a moment before speaking.

"What happened?"

I looked away from him, "Nothing." I didn't look at him because he could always tell I was lying when I looked at him. I was a terrible liar when it came to Bradin.

"Nikki... Cameron has called your cell a hundred times and even the house a few times. I just got off the phone with him... I'll ask you one more time, what happened?"

I walked over to the couch at which Bradin sat and collapsed on it in sobs. It took me a few minutes to regain myself enough to talk. "I was ditched, double-crossed, exposed, almost raped and backstabbed."

"All in one night?"

"All in one night."

Bradin seemed to find this funny because he started laughing. I failed to see the humor in it but I still managed to laugh because Bradin was. I couldn't remember the last time I had heard him truly laugh as he was now, and I found that amusing in itself.

"Shut up, Bradin... I'm being serious here. I had a terrible night and you're laughing about it!"

Bradin wiped his eyes, "I'm sorry... it just sounded funny to me. That was completely immature and very un-older brother-like. Please excuse me." Bradin sat up straight and made a serious face. He kept it up for a solid five minutes before we both started cracking up hysterically.

Once we were done our laughing fit, I filled Bradin in on the events of the night. When I was finished, Bradin's smile was gone. We sat in silence, just lost in our own thoughts. Bradin seemed to be trying to come up with something to make me feel better but was having a tough time doing so. I, on the other hand, was trying to come up with ways to ruin Amber and Cameron. This would prove dificult for me because I knew no one and had no friends except Cameron... scratch that, I have no friends.

"Well, Nik.. I know I'm supposed to have some big thing big brothers say to their little sisters to them feel better but I got nothing that isn't corny."

I smiled weakly, "It's fine. I wasn't looking for a cheer up, I just wanted someone to whine to. I mean I just can't believe that they did that to me. Amber, I can believe that happeneing. But Cameron... it just isn't right."

"Yeah I think there's more to it than meets the eye. I don't think Cameron would either, he likes you too much to double-cross you."

"Why do you say that?" I asked, truly intrigued.

Bradin seemed as though he said too much, "Well.. uh... I don't know. You guys just seem really close."

I nodded, totally not noticing at the time that Bradin totally made that up off the top of his head. "Well I'm going to go for a walk on the beach to clear my head, don't wait up."

Bradin smiled, "Now why would I wait for a little dork like you? Why would I even think about losing sleep over you?"

I smacked Bradin in the head when I stood up. "Haha. Have fun Nikki. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"And what does that leave?"

Bradin thought a second, the joke going over his head but then he caught on. "Nikki..."

"Bye Bradin," I waved as I exited the house to go onto the beach.

**(Amber's POV)**

**-Nikki has just left after bitch slapping Amber-**

I put my hand up to my face as my jaw dropped to the floor. That little bitch just hit me in the middle of everyone and _everyone_ saw it. I would have gone somewhere else to cry for a minute or two but I didn't have time for that when I saw Cameron exit the house. Before this point Cameron and I shared a long stare before his face dropped into an angry frown. I stood up and chased after Cameron who was chasing after Nikki. People were shouting about the three of us in different opinions about what happened. When I caught up with Cameron, Nikki was no where to be found in the velvet dark surrounding us and Cameron was on his cellphone. He was dialing a number over and over, not leaving messages just continusouly calling. Then there was another number he called a few times before someone had picked up. Cameron spoke to this person for a few mintues before hanging up and crashing down to the sand.

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder which he smacked away.

"Amber, get the fuck away."

"But Cameron, I was on-"

"Amber. Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me. NOW!"

I kicked sand on him, "So what? Now that she threw a fit and I even let her stay at my party you're going to pull this? You promised me when we broke up that you'd still talk to me and we would be besties... What the fuck happened to that Cameron Bale? Hmm? Where did that fucking deal go?"

Cameron turned away from me, "I believe the deal was that if you kept your distance and didn't bother me we could be friends, maybe even terrific friends. But you broke that Amber. You more than pushed the limit. I don't want to talk to you."

"But Cameron I only wan-"

Cameron turned around and pushed me hard onto the ground after stsanding up, he looked a little sorry about doing so, but the fury in his mind overpowered it. "Amber. Listen to me. You mess with Nikki, you mess with me. You hurt Nikki, you hurt me. You do anything to Nikki, you do it to me as well. I'm with Nikki. I want Nikki. I don't want shit to do with you anymore. Amber I hate you more than you even know. I _love_ Nikki."

My eyes widened at the last part. "WHAT?"

Cameron let a smile fly onto his face, "I love her. I finally can admit to it. I **_love _**her."

I stood up and stormed off into the direction of my house, tears beginning to run down my face. I hadn't realized it until Cameron said that but I love him. It hurt me a lot to hear that he didn't even want to look at me and he loved someone else. I didn't go up into my house but rather went to the very, very back of the yard in the garden so no one could find me. I made sure no one could see me as I began to cry my eyes and heart out.

_Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But, I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him right now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
__Cause God it just feels so...  
It just feels so good._

**(Nikki's POV)**

I don't know how long I was on the beach because before I knew it, it was already getting light out. It was probably five or so in the morning because the dark wasn't as... dark for lack of a better word. I sat down in the sand, wrapping my arms around my legs and placing my head face down on my knees so I was looking at my stomach. I sat in a daze for a long period of time before I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I didn't look up the very second as I had to regain consciousness.

When I finally gained enough energy to lift my head I looked up and saw Cameron. "What do you want Cameron... I'm in no mood to talk to you!"

Cameron looked confused, "I'm not Cameron..."

I dropped my arms to the ground, "What?"

"I'm Michael... You should know that."

My stomach dropped and I felt like I was going to throw up. I had completely forgotten about Michael and his striking resemblance to Cameron. I opened my mouth and closed it then opened it again, clutching my stomach. This couldn't be happening. I stared at awe at Michael whom I had just mistaken to be Cameron. "Mi-M... Mic-Mi... M-Mic-chael?"

He gave me a smile that reminded me of Cameron's - striking me hard in the heart. He sat down next to me and leaned over and pecked me on the cheek. A shudder was sent quickly through my whole body as fear plagued my veins. He didn't seem to notice this because he just started talking to me. I wasn't really sure what he was saying because I wasn't paying attention to him, which reminded me of that time between me and Cameron once he moved in with us. Come to think of it.. I had forgotten all about that. I would have to face him again because he lived in the same house as me.

"Nikki?"

I wasn't paying attention still because I hadn't really noticed I was the Nikki he was refurring to.

"NIKKI!!"

A different voice. A voice I recognized and was dreading but very happy to hear all at the same time.

"CAMERON!"

That was a voice that didn't belong to me but was indeed female. Another voice I did too recognize and was angered to hear.

"Nikki?"

"NIKKI! NIKKI!"

I shook my head, too many names and too many voices all at once for me to handle. I suddenly became unaware of where I was and who I was with. A headache overruled my brain and all I could hear was the pounding of my head and heart. My body began trembling again and all I could hear now was my voice rolling off of other people's tongues. Over and over... Nikki. Nikki. Nikki. All were voices that I knew, but none I could place a name or a face with.

I forced my eyelids open and saw a dozen or so heads crowded around me, all peering down at me. I looked up confused, my vision with a tint of red to it. I began to sit up but my head seemed like it weighed a ton and it throbbed more than anything. There was much discusion amongst the people crowded around me and all never lost eye contact with me. A couple faces I didn't know belonged to the crowd of people but amongst them were Amber, Cameron, a boy by the name of Aaron, a girl named Sophia, and another guy named Alberto (he was the only foreigner in the whole place).

I didn't look at anyone but Amber who seemed the most concerned out of all of them. "What happened? Where am I?" I felt extremely wet and cold, plus very salty.

They seemed like stupid questions, very simple and stupid ones but they were most prominent in my mind. They all looked to one another, not sure who was going to answer my questions.

"Well you stormed off out of my party... There was no sign of you for sometime then everyone heard your voice bellowing out names and screaming 'help.' So we came looking for you and... well you almost drowned. All the while you were saying something about your parents and going home..." It was Amber who answered me. Amber was all wet and drippy with black runny makeup under her eyes. I figured it was her who had saved me being as everyone else appeared dry.

I almost couldn't believe it, I had just imagined all of that? Michael wasn't there. I felt like I was going crazy. I began to stand up with much of Amber's help and continued to stroll onto the beach. It was beginning to get lighten outside and the dark wasn't as think.

I stumbled along the beach for some time until I fell onto the sand. There was nothing around me but darkness and then the ocean as far as the eye could see. I felt like I was going through deja vu or something or some sorts... This was so strange. All I could taste was beer, which I found strange because I didn't drink any beer that night. It made me wonder whether someone put beer or a drug in my drink or whether I took a drink of beer by accident thinking it was something else.

Something else struck me as strange as well... I was screaming about my parents and going home. This scared me - was I going to commit suicide? And I was also thinking about Michael... Where did that come from? My body felt numb and the taste and smell of beer was very present in all my senses. I hadn't ever drank beer before so needless to say, I thought I would be puking my brains out - but I wasn't oddly enough.

This whole night was just something that I couldn't quite comprehend. I lay back down in the sand and listened to the waves pound the shoreline. The ground seemed to pound more than my head which seemed nearly impossible. Once again, I became lost in my own thoughts and once again I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I took a peek through one eye and saw Cameron.

"Hello Cameron," I said bitterly.

Cameron made a face like he was confused.

"Or are you not Cameron... Let me guess, you're Michael," I answered myself sarcastically.

"You don't seem to happy to see me," he said with a higher voice. It was Michael, Cameron's voice was lower.

"Well, no not really. I want to see Cameron and you aren't him."

"NIKKI!" came a girl's voice.

I rolled my eyes, not this again. I glanced over to my right to see two people approaching me, one in female form the other male. I assumed it might be Amber and Cameron. The two came up to us panting. Cameron stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Michael, as did Amber. There was an extremely uncomfortable silence between everyone and all everyone did was stare blankly at one another.

I decided to be the fist to break the ice. "Cameron, Amber... This is Michael. Michael, Cameron and Amber."

Amber stuck out her hand without even noticing it and Michael took it, shook it then let it drop as he did his own. Cameron and Michael twitched towards each other but looked to afraid to touch.

"Nikki, who is this?" Cameron asked me.

"Remember that first day we met and I asked you if you had a twin after I called you Michael? This is why..."

"No fucking way!" blurted Michael.

We all looked at him in awe, wondering what he was talking about. We all wanted Michael to continue but he seemed to be arguing with himself. Cameron and I kept looking at one another, communicating silently. Amber on the other hand should have been drooling as she was staring at Michael. Amber inched over towards me.

"He's dreamy! What's his name again?"

"Michael."

"Do you think... I know this sounds so elementary school but... could you set me up with him?"

I paused, "But I thought you liked Cameron."

"Not anymore. You can have him. I know you want him... He might too."

_I watched his wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving you  
Just watch my wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving._

_Whoa, I never meant to brag,  
But I got him where I want him now._

I let a snicker glide onto my face. "Yeah, sure... But to let you know, he's my ex... Or possible boyfriend still 'cause technically we haven't broken up since I left Kansas."

Amber's eyes buldged out of her head, "No way!"

"Keep it down, keep it down. Don't tell anyone seriously. I don't want anyone to know... If it comes up between Michael and I, I'll just break up with him. Like you said before, I want Cameron not him."

Amber smiled and mumbled something that I didn't catch. When I asked her what she said she just replied, "Nothing."

Michael seemed to come back to us again but Cameron seemed gone. I was the only one who noticed this so I grabbed Cameron's hand and he came back to us.

"So wait... You don't have a twin?" Amber asked Cameron.

"Well... not that I know of. But taking a look at him, I'm beginning to believe otherwise..."

Michael paused and looked at all of us, unsure if he wanted to say what he was about to. Michael turned to me sympathetically, hoping I'd let him drop it. I didn't back down though, I wanted to know.

"What is it?" I asked.

Michael looked at me, then Amber, then Cameron, then me again. "I'm adopted."

_Whoa, I never meant to brag  
But, I got him where I want him now.  
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag  
To steal it all away from you now.  
But God does it feel so good,  
Cause I got him where I want him now.  
And if you could then you know you would.  
__Cause God it just feels so...  
It just feels so good._

* * *

It has just occured to me that some of you may not be able to comment because I used to have author's notes in my story and many of you commented on them... now that they've been taken out you can't review because you already reviewed for that chapter... 

Ahh... that makes sense?

-iamagraveyard-  
xoxo  
Lauren


	11. If We Fall Will We Waste Away?

I was completely inspired and had this started a little while ago when I first heard this song. So now everything is coming together so I'm posting all I have that fits. Major, major updates I know... So I expect many reviews! School is starting tomorrow for me, so I may not update often. I have the chapters pretty much done, so it shouldn't be that long until they're up. But ahead of time, I'm sorry. I can't help but go to school.

To add: I'm not exactly sure what that last chapter was... I think I was on drugs or something when I wrote that... I have absolutely no idea where I was going with that. I'm taking a guess that she was having a premonition or... she was delusional... or something... I don't know. I'm sorry for all the mass confusion. xD  
I'm entirely confused myself.

And To Krissy: LOL... No I seriously didn't know that. I didn't listen to them much when I was like 7 or something. I recently discovered that when I was sleeping over a friends house and she pointed it out to me because she hadn't known either until someone pointed it out to her.  
But knowing that now, it's extremely obvious that, that's him... lol**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Summerland except anything I've mentioned that is mine. I also do not own the song "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace. I'd say I also own the plot... but at this point, I think there is none xD**

**Remember: 10 reviews gets you the next chapter quicker... even if I haven't really been sticking too that too much. I've usually been waiting until the new chapter has been viewed 150 times [:**

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**Chapter 11: If We Fall Will We Waste Away?**

**(Nikki's POV)**

I was extremely shocked to discover that Michael was adopted, let alone coming to live in Playa Linda. All of us had stood there for a while letting Michael's statement sink into our heads. We didn't get much more on the subject because Michael had darted off to go find his brother. I assumed it was to talk about being adopted or what not. Cameron, Amber and I all stood there for the next forty minutes in silence. Finally Amber decided she'd have to go home to get everyone out of her house. We all said our goodbyes then Cameron and I parted with Amber and headed back to Aunt Ava's. Not another word was spoken between Cameron and I the whole way home.

That night I puked my brains out and had a terrible headache and fever the next day. It turns out that someone had put something in my drink and I was having the aftermath taking the drug. Amber later told me that she got it out of the drunk guy that he had slipped something into the drink I had in my hand without my even noticing it. She didn't specify which one though, just told me I best not worry about it and I should be fine. Bradin and I decided that I shouldn't even drink anything at a party anymore because there's a very high possibility of me getting something slipped in my drink. We also decided that I was more of a suicidal drunk and drinking wasn't going to be a good thing for me.

It seemed as the week drug on, more and more problems arose with different people in the house. Jay and Erika currently broke up after she finally moved in with Jay and sold her apartment. So until she finds a new one she has to stay in the same room as Jay. I really don't want to talk about the brutality of all this "togetherness" they are experiencing after breaking up, but it's more than enough to listen to. Bradin is having major problems with Sarah because she was sent to a happy house and he is dying without her... or so he says. Little does anyone know that while Sarah is taking her leave of absence... Erika has stepped into the picture and keeping things hot. (No one knows I know this.) Derrick isn't allowed to see Martha anymore due to a photo found of my Aunt when they went snooping around. Aunt Ava and Johnny are having major problems getting over each other and the whole house seems empty because Johnny moved out. Then there's Susannah who's thinking about leaving Aunt Ava to go work with a big time fashion designer who can promise her a bigger job. To think this all started with my brothers and I even coming to this house... Even further back was my parents' deaths... and even further than _that_ was the problem that the people at my parents work had... It could go on and on forever the list that led up to the problem we are faced with currently, like a ripple in the water.

That brings me to Cameron, my current problem. Problem may not be the right word for what I'm trying to get across, but he's more of a worry to me than anything. He's gone into somewhat of a depression and is no longer much fun to hang out with. I feel bad because he still feels so ashamed about his parents and whatnot. It's been about a week since they were admitted into rehab and Cameron doesn't want a thing to do with them. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't do anything to make him feel better. Plus now Michael's here and the question is ever present in his mind as to whether or not he is related to Michael. So, as of right now, I'm just giving him his space.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Michael. Michael moving to Playa Linda because him and his older brother didn't want to stay in Kansas anymore because of the terrible things that happened. Michael is always calling me now to hang out and I want nothing to do with him because that means Amber wants to tag along. I want to hang out with Cameron and Cameron wants to hang out with me, so we're good. Amber wants to hang out with Michael, but Michael doesn't want to hang out with her. Michael wants to hang out with me, but I don't want to hang out with Michael. It's like a misshapen triangle I guess.

I just really hope this all gets resolved soon because I'm sick of it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sun hadn't risen yet and I was already on the beach shaking so much I thought my skin would fall off. I walked to Spanish Cove and climbed on top of all the rocks and sat there. I watched blankly out at the horizon awaiting the sun to come up. This has become a routine of mine ever since two days after Amber's party when all these troubles surfaced. It hasn't been very many days that I've been doing this, but it feels like I always have since I've grown so accustomed to getting up this early and staying up all day until about 2 in the morning when I drop dead.

The waves were crashing harshly against the rocks today, a storm was probably in store for us today. It's amazing that I haven't even lived here for too long and I already know the beach and sings of weather and what not like the back of my hand. Even though I had lived in Kansas for all my life, I could never predict the weather correctly like I could here. It's not even like the environment is easier to read here than it was there... I just couldn't get each little sign to click with what it meant.

I let out a deep breath and blinked my eyes shut tight. I thought of my Mom and Dad and wondered what it was like to be dead. I wanted more than anything to see them again, to feel their presence around me just one more time. I was already starting to get a foggy image of my parents' face in my head like I was beginning to forget about them. The thought of this began to make me cry, something that always happened every time I thought about them. I cried for them just about every night or at least once everyday, it was inevitable. I couldn't help it, it was a hard blow to my heart and soul and I'm having a tough time healing.

Everyone else seems to be fine about their deaths now though, I seem to be the only one dwelling on it. Derrick has come to believe Aunt Ava is his Mom and Johnny is his father, but I can't blame him... they've fit the role quite nicely. Bradin... well I don't see much of Bradin anymore. I can't really be sure of how he's coping really. Ever since I moved here my tight relationship with Bradin deteriorated until it became what it is now, next to nothing.

It's getting harder and harder to comprehend that my once perfect life is gone. It just saddens me so much to know that my parents aren't with me anymore when I'm at such a young age. Of course, they would have left me eventually... but I had expected that to be once I had kids and most of them had grown up a bit. Not when I haven't even grown up already. It saddens me even more to know that they became victims of population control by a stupid drunk driver.

This world will never be what I expected  
And if I don't belong, who would've guessed it?  
I will not leave alone everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late

I was too busy lost in my own thoughts to even notice that someone had approached me from behind. Whoever it was sat down next to me and copied what I was doing.

"How did you know I'd be here?"

"You always come here now... It's just a matter of thinking how you do."

I nodded. I didn't even have to look over to know it was Cameron who had found me. He was always good at thinking of things the way I would and always managed to find me when no one else could. That was one of the things I loved about him, he knew just as much about me as I did. Even if my knowledge of myself these days was very minimal, I always had updated him on how I felt.

"So why do you always come here?"

The sudden sound of his voice startled me. I thought about this a moment, searching for a good reasonable answer to my madness. "Well I really don't know... I guess since I can't sleep I come to the place most open around here... I guess I just feel like I'm closer to my parents."

Cameron wrapped an arm around me, causing me to realize how cold I really was. I cuddled in closer to him and began to shiver without noticing it. "Why don't we go home if you're so cold, Nik."

I looked at him and immediately thought of Bradin. He had always been the only one that had called me that, no one else even bothered. I then began to think about what Bradin was saying about Cameron the night of Amber's party. I couldn't even really be sure if he actually did say anything to me or if I really did talk to him but I remember it. H_e likes you too much to double-cross you... _But what does he mean by that? I hadn't had a chance to ask him about it lately since he's always been off with Erika or Sarah... and then this new chick Callie or something.

"Nah, I'm not that cold... Just a little chilly. Plus, I'm all good now." I shot him a wry smile.

My mind was beginning to drift to my parents' deaths, something I hadn't thought about in a while. I kept picturing that dream I had been having for a few months after my parents had died. Gruesome details began to swarm into my mind of what actually occurred. My eyes swelled up with tears, sending streaks of salty water down my cheeks and onto my lips. Cameron's thumb was swept underneath my eyes to rid me of my tears. I gave him a tiny smile and sniffed.

(Cameron's POV)

It really pained me to see her crying especially over her parents again. I know I can't do much to sooth the pain, but I always try my best and she seems to appreciate that quite a bit. I haven't really been there for her since Amber's party, but I want to try and make up for that now. Nikki seems to have no one still. She wasn't speaking at all just more of sitting there in a zombie like state.

Nikki looked to me with empty eyes. "I can't keep living like this, Cameron.. I really can't."

"It'll be alright, hun. It just takes some time to not hurt so much... As cliché but, time heals all wounds. In your case, you have to heal a giant wound."

"Well, time is taking too long... The wound is too big to heal. It will always be there, and it'll only get bigger and bigger because I'll keep poking at it."

Even if I say "It'll be alright"  
Still I hear you say you want to end your life  
Now and again we try to just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

I just couldn't help but realize what she was truly referring to - she wanted to end it... all of it.

"Nikki! Don't say that... please..."

Nikki laughed, "But seriously... who here would miss me? Everyone in Kansas has forgotten about me," she stood up and kicked a rock. "I mean everyone here hasn't given a damn about me in the longest time. So why should I even hesitate?"

I looked away from her furiously. "Oh, is that the way you see it."

She hadn't heard me. "I mean... I should have done it already instead of sat here and talked to you. Maybe you shouldn't have saved me the night of Amber's party. Maybe you should have let me drown... Maybe I should be dead! Maybe, Cameron... maybe I just need to go and die."

Nikki ranted for some bit longer before finally I couldn't take her talking about killing herself anymore. "Y'know what? FINE! If you want to do it so fucking bad then GO! No one's stopping you! I mean hey, I haven't been sticking with you since you moved here. Listening to your every complaint. Listening to everything you had to say. Being the only one to care about you. So if that isn't good enough... then FINE. GO DIE! See if I care or give a damn."

I stood up and began storming off, not wanting to look at her anymore. I'm tired of being the only one who helps people out but never gets anything in return. I am entitled to have someone care back for me as much as I care about them. I couldn't help but care about Nikki so much though. It's hard to actually realize it and admit it, but I'm head over heels in love with Nikki. I her.

I heard loud sobs echoing in the sky and I knew it was Nikki. My heart couldn't let her continue to cry so, even though I didn't want to, I turned around and went back up to Spanish Cove to go see what she was up to. When I reached where I was sitting moments ago I found Nikki on the ground a shaken wreck. I squatted beside her, unsure whether I should reach out and touch her or just leave her be. I was completely knocked off my feet when Nikki tackled me in a full hug. I wasn't really sure what to do so all I did was hug her back and let her cry it all out. I guess I hadn't really realized how unstable Nikki was really after the whole thing with her parents and what's actually going on now.

I bit my lip, "Hey... what I said earlier... That was a horrid thing to say. I'm really so-"

"No. Don't apologize... I deserve it. I'm being a selfish baby. I should be grateful I have someone who cares about me as much as you do... Thank you... I don't deserve someone as great as you."

Nikki's eyes were downcast and her face seemed to be covered in a dark shadow. The sun was beginning to peak out from beyond the horizon, giving the environment a golden tinge. I was searching for the right words to say to her and when none came I just started babbling.

"I am sorry. That was cold. You didn't deserve my words but you do deserve me just as much as I deserve you... I just wish I would have realized sooner that there was something this wrong... Why didn't you tell me?"

No one will ever see this side reflected  
And if there's something wrong, who would've guessed it?  
And I have left alone everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late

(Nikki's POV)

I couldn't tell him my true intentions on keeping everything to myself, he'd most likely get offended by it. I couldn't tell him that I didn't bother him with my problems because they weren't as important as his. That I didn't want to bother him because he needs to be comforted more than I do. That I can handle all my emotions and don't need to show any of them to anyone because they aren't worth the aggravation. That I can't tell him about my problems because I care too much about him and telling him will just make him upset because my problems are so deep that they can't be helped.

"Err... I don't know. Never came up I guess."

A quick lie. A quick excuse rather. Cameron looked at me a moment, trying to decipher whether or not I was just misleading him or being genuine about what I was saying. I doubt he could get any more emotions out of me besides depression though, I was too tired and upset for emotion reading.

The subject was dropped for the time being and we sat in silence. I turned away from Cameron and stared out towards the roaring ocean; body curled in a ball, arms wrapped around my legs. Cameron rustled beside me a few times, he was obviously wanting to say something.

"What's wrong?"

Cameron jumped at the sudden sound of my voice. "Err... nothing." I shot him a look. "Well... I don't know. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to comfort you is all. So far I've been very laxed in that department."

I shook my head, "I'm fine. Honestly."

Cameron turned my face towards him, "No. You're not. Nikki, I know you think your problems are no big deal but they are. Big problems like this don't just go away. They are always with you, even years after you seem to get over them. They will always be there lurking in the back of your mind. You always play everything down like it isn't important - that the problems of others come first. It's okay to be selfish once in a while..."

"If I needed that much help, I'd be dead by now."

Cameron looked away from me. "You would be if we hadn't rescued you at Amber's."

He said it. He went there. He said the one thing I've tried to overlook. The one thing I've tried to forget about. How can he just say that?

"You see Nikki, you _do_ need some help. You can't just get over your parents' deaths in a day... It takes years and years to heal, especially at such a young age. You're at the age where you've lived with your parents long enough to be so hurt by it but not young enough to forget about them. You continue to hang onto that thought - death. My parents are dead as well. Not in the sense of yours, but in a different kind of way. But who is anyone to define what death is anyway? I see my parents as dead; mind, body, and soul. I reject them. Your parents are only dead physically. You still think about them and can still feel them with you, can't you? I don't think death is just one kind, I think it's made up in three. Physically. Mentally. Soulfully. You're parents are still with you constantly aren't they? You just can't physically see and feel them anymore, can you?"

"Well, yes. But there isn't any point in thinking of it that way because they aren't here. And all they will ever be anymore and for the rest of forever is dead. What's the point of thinking of it that way?"

"You have a reason to get up in the morning. Something to believe in. Something you can hang onto. Sometimes you don't need a physical thing there to live for, sometimes it's just in your heart. And believe it or not, that can be all that anyone needs..."

Even if I say "It'll be alright"  
Still I hear you say you want to end your life  
Now and again we try to stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

I had no idea where Cameron was becoming so inspirational from. I guess this is a way of pouring out his own feelings and frustrations without actually saying them. This is a way to help us both out.

"Cameron... You can still see your parents.. I can't. I think I need the physical being versus just in my heart."

"Nikki, when our time is up and the world swallows us into the dark... there you will see your parents again and you will have so much to talk about."

I looked away, tears becoming present in my eyes again. The thought of dying had always upset and scared me. Him saying it so cooly frightened and saddened me a bit.

"See on a tunnel vision look on this... I am more fortunate. My parents are still alive. But I don't see them as anything anymore. On a more open look on this, we are equal. If you think about it, you and I are almost the same person. Our parents are both dead, just in different forms. It's a terrible way to rationalize it all but in a way it makes sense."

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. "Is that your problem? Yours are dead as well? You feel empty inside but you don't want the world to know? You're hurting but don't want to just be blunt about it? So while you're trying to help me out, you're helping yourself."

Cameron seemed caught off guard by this sudden realization, like I wasn't supposed to pick up on it. He sighed, "It's a selfish way to - "

"No, it's smart and secretive," I interrupted.

"It's all I know how to do. I'd always be punished for speaking my mind at home. So, that's what I've come up with and it's all I know. After all the suffering, the loneliness, the desperation and my broken heart; you just wake up one day and see the world through different eyes. It's just unusual when someone lets you speak your mind."

"It's people that show you kindness that make you aware that you're not completely alone in life," we spoke in unison.

The world we knew won't come back  
The time we've lost can't get it back  
The life we had won't be ours again

Cameron and I shared a smile, we understood. We had such an understanding of each other that we understood the other more than ourselves. Understanding and realization is a beautiful thing. I giggled as a school girl would when around her crush. Cameron laughed as well but only because I sounded like a tart.

It's amazing to find someone who gets you so much. Someone that truly cares about you and actually understands where you come from. Someone with so much in common with you there's almost no way you could possibly find a dull moment. Someone you can love. I am but so fortunate a person to have found my other half.

"That was kinda weird, wasn't it?"

I gave Cameron a smile, "Yeah. I can't say I've ever done that with someone before. I've always thought my own thoughts... If that makes sense."

Cameron laughed and embraced me in a hug, "You make me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you."

I hugged him back. "I know. You make me feel the same."

And more. You mean so much to me. Suddenly, Michael seemed to be lost. All my problems seemed to be lost. All I wanted to think about and be with was Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. **Cameron**.

(Cameron's POV)

She doesn't even have the slightest clue how much she truly means to me. I just wish we'd get to the point where she doesn't feel like she has to run away from her problems, that she can face them and I'll be the leader of the attack. I hope she knows that when she breaks down no one hears her the way that I do. I hope she knows that no one understands her and sees her the way that I do. It's amazing that I'm lucky enough to have someone to care about. That I have someone to be there for, and have be there for me. I'm so lucky to have someone that I understand more than myself. I'm more than fortunate that I have someone that I can love. I can't think about it enough, I love her.

Even with all the pain and suffering I had at home, knowing her... it makes it all worth it at the end of the day.

We sat at Spanish Cover for another while longer until we finally gave up and figured that the sun wouldn't be showing at all that day. The winds were steadily picking up and the sky was turning an intimidating shade of dark gray. There was a slight rumbling in the sky but no presence of rain. Tiny flashes of lightning broke into the ever darkening sky, causing me to blink my eyes it was so bright.

Nikki and I quickly exited the beach before we were struck by lightning or the sky broke lose. Even though no one was at my house we decided to go there and sit on the porch to wait for the storm. We shared some small talk before I pulled out a key and we went inside. The house was just as filthy, if not filthier, than when I had left. Beer cans and bottles still layered the floor. The air still reeked of smoke and booze along with body odor. I almost wanted to puke but then my nose suddenly became clogged and I couldn't smell anything anymore. As I looked around the whole house seemed dark and depressed. Piles of garbage lined the walls and furniture, leaving barely anywhere to sit or stand.

"Should we clean it?" Nikki suggested suddenly.

I looked at her, the thought not even passing my mind. "That might take too long."

She shrugged, "We've got nothing better to do. We have all day and then some. It'll leave the place all nice for your parents to return to. A place you'll all want to live in and leave no trace of your past life."

I considered it and nodded, "I doubt we have any cleaning supplies or trash bags though."

Nikki was already way ahead of me. She vanished into the kitchen and reappeared moments later arms full of cleaning supplies and kicking a box of trash bags. All items hadn't been opened or used, but I figured we'd need three times more to put a real dent in the house work. I gave Nikki a look as though I was saying how did you find those.

"When we were here that one time, I saw your mother go under the sink and I saw all these bright colors in this dark house. They really stuck out to me so, of course, I remembered where they were."

"You still seem to amaze me the more and more we are together."

Nikki blushed. "Now let's open some windows and get this place a little happier... even though outside isn't the nicest looking," Nikki laughed as she walked over to the dusty curtains and pulled them open. I wondered when the last time they had been opened was. Dust particles filled the air and we had to pull our shirts over our mouths and nose to keep from gagging. Once again, Nikki was prepared and pulled out face masks - from where I still don't know. I shook my head and smiled at her.

"I saw them as well," she said in a muffled voice after putting the mask on.

You fascinate me. It's amazing that even in the worst seeming situations, you still bring light to my life.

This world will never be what I expected  
And if I don't belong...

Nikki and I started in the kitchen, stuffing old food into trash bags along with broken dishes. The kitchen wasn't as bad to clean because it was never used much due to the fact that we always had takeout or we never ate. It took us about two hours to sort all through the garbage and dust until the kitchen could pass as spotless.

Nikki and I walked outside a moment to get some fresh air. The sky was as it was before, only it was darker and windier. The air was full of moisture, but was easier to breath in than inside. After our five minute break we headed back inside to get some other cleaning done. Next we headed into the dining room, which was even cleaner than the kitchen. The dining room was mainly filled with books and such about growing plants. The whole room had flower pots scattered here and there as well as a few dead plants in pots. The room was covered in two inch thick dust, making my eyes water and become itchy. The room took about an hour to pass as spotless.

So far, we hadn't found anything out of the ordinary. But they were the two rooms that my family hadn't used much, so I shouldn't speak too soon. It took the remainder of the day to finish about a quarter of the family room. There wasn't much we found in there except various drugs and booze. I peered out the window and there was still nothing of the storm, it was only becoming more vicious.

Over a period of three days, my house was finally clean except for my bedroom and my parents bedroom. I was a bit embarrassed to have Nikki go into my messy room so we started with my parents room. As we opened the door it was as if we were looking at an old photograph. Everything in my parents room was old fashioned looking and had the same dingy grimy color as well. Nikki and I exchanged a look and headed deeper into the room. We had bought a giant supply of trash bags and cleaning things so there was no way we could run out.

I took a trash bag out of the box and waved it around to open it up, Nikki following suit. My parents' room was absolutely disgusting. I don't know what was more embarrassing; the fact that it was this disgusting, that I had to go through my parents' things or the stuff that we found in the room.

The room took about four and a half hours to clean. While cleaning we found; weed, marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, cigarettes, beer, cigars, porn (lesbian, gay and straight), pornos (same applying as before), condoms (both used and unused), sex toys, a gun, various types of birth control, blood-stained clothes, a bat, a shotgun, a butchers knife, a wig, a maid's outfit, thongs (both dirty and clean; both men and women's), high heeled shoes, and... the most heart breaking... a stack of pictures of me either ripped, written on, stained, punctured, burned. That was the worst of all we found, that hit me the hardest.

The floor and bed was stained with cum, blood or spilt liquid. I didn't even want to question what it was half the time, it would have grossed me out even more than it already was. I wondered whether my parents did anything in their room besides have brutal sex... judging by the stains and items we found in the room. I couldn't even look at Nikki my face was so red with embarrassment. That wasn't really something I wanted to do with a girl I had such a love for... at least if it was for my parents and it all had nothing to do with us.

I mentally smacked myself for thinking so dirty. Though, I couldn't help but notice how mature Nikki's body was. She had a very toned stomach, long slim legs and arms, slight protrusion of her cheek bones and a rather busty chest for her size. Her eyes were empty but full of life at the same time, showing me she was thinking of a million things. We hadn't spoken much the whole time we cleaned my house unless it was a joke about something we had found. Over those three days up until now, I had almost never left Nikki's side.

Finally, after a long waited three days, rain pelted the windows threatening to break them. Thunder boomed and shook the windows, sending chills down my spine because it reminded me of gunshots. Lightning was streaking the sky, jumping from cloud to cloud and down to the ground. The wind could be heard whistling outside and you could even feel the chill from the wind coming through the house that had no heat in it at the moment. Nikki crept closer to me, grabbing my arm tightly and shuddering.

"You alright?"

Nikki jumped, "Y-Yes."

I lifted up her face mask as well as mine and kissed her full on the lips. I slid it back down her face and smiled at her. "It'll be alright."

Thunder shook the whole house as it exploded outside. Nikki whimpered and squealed and practically jumped into my arms. "I'm scared," she said barely above a whisper.

Even if I say "It'll be alright"  
Still I hear you say you want to end your life  
Now and again we try to stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late

I held her close in my arms and opened up my bedroom door. My room was fairly clean, probably the cleanest room in the whole house. It was rather messy but not very dusty and smelly. I shut the door behind me and we were encased in darkness and silence. My room didn't have a window but, for some odd reason, the lights all worked even though all the power was out. Plus, there wasn't anymore of a sound than our own heavy breathing. Ever since moving into this house my room always had power in it and always had an oddity about it that the rest of the house didn't. I dropped my face mask onto the floor and looked around my now trashed room. 'Kill the boy!' and 'Die boy!' was written in giant block letters all over the walls.

I bit my lip and spun around, gazing at how many times they had written it. It hadn't been there when I left, or had I just not noticed it? I squatted down and covered my ears when I suddenly heard those words ringing in my ears. They were said to me often and were now echoing in my ears as loudly as anything. Hot, salty tears streamed down my face as I began freaking out, begging the voices to stop.

It seemed like every time my home life came up, more and more problems arose. I could feel Nikki standing beside me and was pretty sure she wasn't sure what to do. After about another fifteen minutes, I calmed down and managed to stand up.

"Cameron..."

Nikki began to speak but I just stuck a hand up and shushed her. I didn't want to talk about it. Not here. Not now. There wasn't much to clean in my room except all the shit my parents left or hid in there. I hadn't noticed it before but my parents hid all of their drugs under a loose floorboard in my room - a totally cliché spot to hide anything. I figured that they put all their drugs in my room in case the cops showed up I'd get sent away. I sighed, the more times I came back here the less I thought of my parents.

After about an hour my room was spotless except for the harsh words of my parents etched on my walls. We stood in my room a moment, unsure if the storm was still exploding outside. We opened the door and discovered that it was even worse. There wasn't any use calling anyone because everyone's power was out except in my room. Nikki did try phoning a couple times as well, but the line was always dead.

We thought it would be stupid to leave the house in the middle of the violent storm so we just stayed at my house. It was a little weird to be in a house by myself in my room with a girl, but Nikki was too afraid to leave my room. It was amazing how silent my room was even though outside it sounded like it was the end of the world. We could hear slight booms every once in a while but that was about it. Evey time thunder sounded in my room, Nikki would shudder.

We shared some small talk for a little bit before getting into a more in depth conversation. Nikki seemed to lose her fear of the storm outside because she was completely focused on what we were discussing.

"So you're saying that when you sat down, you didn't notice that your once white seat was now brown?"

I laughed, "Nope, totally oblivious. Who would have thought someone put pudding on my seat so it looked like I shit myself in my khaki shorts."

Nikki began laughing insanely. I felt a little embarrassed about it, but at the same time it was good to see Nikki laughing again.

"You haven't laughed like that in a while... It's nice to see you a little bit happier," I said with a smile. "Even if it means I have to embarrass myself, I'd do anything to get you to laugh."

Nikki blushed at this and swatted a hand at me. I found this rather cute but said nothing about it.

"Ok, Nik, now you tell me something embarrassing."

Nikki thought a moment, scratching her chin lightly. "Hmm... Well when I was in fourth grade I brought my favorite doll to school. She was an American Girl Doll, Kit. I took her everywhere before fourth grade and when school hit I had a tough time letting go of her. So after a couple days I just kept her hidden in my backpack so no one would see her. Everyone, well the girls, was over dolls and were onto other things like boys or shopping and I was still stuck on dolls." Nikki paused, trying to think of how the rest of it went. "Well this one day a boy who didn't like me much went into my school bag and found Kit. He went and showed it to everyone saying how baby girl Nikki brought her wittle babydoll to school. No one had any sympathy for me, everyone just laughed. I began crying and demanding to get my doll back when someone pushed me, I fell into the kid who had my doll. The doll flew out of his hands and the head popped off. Ever since that day I'm still sometimes called doll girl."

I just looked at her, not sure if I wanted to kiss her or hug her or both. I felt so sorry for her, but I knew she wouldn't want to hear that.

"I guess it's not really embarrassing, more painful than anything."

I stopped, "You still have the doll?"

Nikki looked up at me with a childish smile, "Of course I do. She's in my bed."

I began laughing and she hit me. "No I'm not laughing about what you said, just how you said it."

We continued to share childhood memories with each other, the topics getting deeper and deeper as time passed by. Neither of us were growing tired so we figured it shouldn't be that late. Then the subject turned very touchy.

I looked at Nikki, waiting for an answer but hoping I wasn't pushing her too much.

"My worst memory..."

I nodded.

"I'd have to say Kit was probably among the worst. That was terrible I was constantly mocked for that. The teacher even sometimes jeered at me... I'd have to say that. What about you?"

I looked away, trying to come up with a bad one but not a disgustingly terrible one. I had many, many horrid things happen to me and all were equally bad... except one. I glanced up at Nikki who was staring intently back at me.

"The worst one?"

"_The. Worst. One._"

I sighed, "But Nikki... my _worst_ one is worse than worst." I looked at her to see if she was letting up and letting me slide. Nope. I let out a bigger sigh and put my hands to my face, pulling them hard down it then letting them drop to my lap.

"My worst one involves my parents. My dad to be precise." I gave a look towards Nikki then let my eyes drop to the ground. I bit my lip. "Before my mom had lost her job she was constantly traveling everywhere for work. My dad had long since lost his, or dropped out of his, and resorted to drugs and booze - which my mom hadn't discovered his addiction yet." Another glance up, then back down. "W-Well this one night my dad got particularly drunk and came barging into my room. My dad had a beer in his hand and a key which could unlock my door from the other side because my doorknob was backwards so they could lock me in my room. I could always get out though so don't make that face at me..." I gave Nikki a tiny smile because of the baffled expression that fell across her face. "Well... he dropped the key in his pocket, chugged the beer and came over to me. I can't remember what he was saying because he was slurring his words so badly it might as well have been another language." I turned completely away, the tears starting to build.

"He picked me up out of my desk chair and drug me over to the bed..." I bit down hard on my lip in hopes the tears wouldn't come out so furiously. "He kept k-kissing me, telling me how much he l-l-loves me and d-d-don't tell mom and all this g-garbage. He took all my clothes off and got my tied on my belly onto the bed..." I couldn't finish it because I couldn't take thinking about the memory a moment longer. Nikki looked like she couldn't listen to another second of it anyhow because she was crying worse than I was.

She opened her mouth to say something but when nothing came out she shut it and threw her arms around me. I squeezed her tight in my arms and cried. That was the first time I had ever told anyone about it, besides my mother who hadn't believed me. That, or she didn't care. It was a terrible thing to think about again, but I needed to let someone know... someone who cares know.

I broke out of Nikki's hug and stood up. I really needed tissues. I looked around and saw none so I opened my door. Surprisingly the storm was completely gone and there was a beautiful day greeting me through the window.

"Eye of the storm." Nikki said suddenly behind me.

I nodded, "We should get home now-ish then I guess right?"

Nikki nodded again and we headed back to her house. By the time we got there the storm had already started up again, rain pouring down on us in buckets. Nikki was about to open the door but I grabbed her hand. I leaned in a gave her a passionate kiss on the lips.

"Thank you for listening to me. I needed to let someone know."

Nikki gave me a weak smile, "It's a shame no one knew about it sooner to get you some help... but I'm glad I was the one you told, not someone else."

Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late

I settled down into bed, all the while hearing the storm ripping up outside. I rested my hands behind my head, thinking about our alone time in my house for the past couple days. We hadn't talked much but anytime we did always made life a little better. I smiled at the remembrance of Nikki laughing when I told her about pudding pants. Then my mood turned sour when I thought of my last story and the terrible memory that went along with it. With that, I fell asleep to relive that memory over and over as my greatest nightmare seemed to come to life in my dreams.

Some things in life just make you wonder... What would happen if you gave up? If you just fell down under all the weight one day and never got back up.. would you waste away to nothing?

* * *

I feel very inspirational. All I've done for the past month is motivate people to be happy or.. not be so _extreme_... I've decided to incorporate that into my story. xD 

Also, I'm usually in a very bored mood when I write, which would make sense because nothing in my story is consistent OR makes sense. I have hundreds of ideas in my head for things to write and what to write in here and sometimes they get mixed up or the ideas play off of other ones and make a whole new one. If I'm really starting to make no sense for you guys please let me know and I'll try to be more consistent and have my story actually have a plot. But I must say, a big problem will arise soon with MANY surprises.

-See The World Through Different Eyes and BELIEVE-  
lauren  
xoxo


	12. This Is Where Emotions Flare

Okay, okay. Yeah, I'm a slacker. I get that. Judging by all the emails and messages asking me if I've given up, people are still waiting for an update? Anyways, I'm not through with this... there's tons more. :D

But yeah, I just procrastinate a lot and such. I apologize for that as well as the fact that none of these chapters probably go along with each other. I try my best to remember what I wrote last because I don't go back and look. Too much of a hassle and I don't have enough time... So bear with me, I'm trying :P

I finished and am posting two chapters to hold you over for the next time I get around to updating xDDDD

A/N: This chapter is a little graphic at one point. If you don't like that kinda stuff DON'T READ IT WHEN IT BECOMES ALL ITALICS FOR CAMERON. After that part, it isn't graphic, so you may read again.

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Summerland, only this ridiculous 'plot'... if there is one. I also do not own the song "Franklin" by Paramore.**

* * *

**Chapter 12: This Is Where Emotions Flare**

**(Nikki's POV)**

The storm still raged on outside and Cameron had an unusual clingy heir about him. He claimed that every time there's a storm something bad would happen in his house and that it was an old habit when he was younger to stay by his parents because he became so afraid. Cameron had told me that once when he was little, there was a terrible storm. For whatever reason, his mom didn't want Cameron to sleep in his bedroom that night because of an old tree that was next to his room. Then, in the middle of the night, the tree fell over because it was so old and couldn't take the brutal storm and crashed into Cameron's room - landing right where he would have been sleeping. From then on, every storm that came crashing through the area, Cameron and his parents would sleep in a room away from any trees no matter how young they were or how little the storm.

I didn't say anything much about it to Cameron because he always got very defensive about it. Plus, I knew that wasn't the real reason for wanting to be close to someone during a storm... there's always another story. Cameron and Michael are like that, the same really. Needless to say, Cameron and I shared a room during the storm once we got back to Aunt Ava's house. Everyone must have been on crack or something because everyone thought it was a terrific idea. I didn't sleep much when Cameron was in my room. It wasn't even because I felt he would violate me, I knew he wouldn't do such a thing. I think it was because I needed to make sure he was okay. I guess it was the motherly side in me or something because I felt it was my job to keep Cameron under my wing. He did the same for me a lot, so I guess this was returning a favor.

Cameron didn't seem to notice me never sleeping because he never mentioned it. I sat up in my bed, Cameron laying right next to me, and stared out the window. I peered through the blinds a bit to see the destruction outside. Lightning was cracking all over the horizon of the ocean, lighting up some spots. Some spots on the beach were being hit as well. Trees were toppled over and the waves were lethal. Thunder roared ferociously causing me to jump so violently I woke Cameron up.

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

I fought the urge to say 'aw' because he looked so cute and instead replied with, "Nothing, just got a little jumpy because of the thunder."

Cameron touched my arm, "If you get scared, or wanna talk about anything, I'm right here. Don't feel bad about waking me up."

I smiled and fought the urge to say the things I wanted to say. "Thanks. But you can go back to bed, I'm fine."

I guess I can't tell him quite yet why I always become so afraid at the sound of thunder... or at least one of them.

**(Cameron's POV)**

I rolled back over and continued to pretend like I was sleeping. Little did she know that I knew she wasn't sleeping, and that I actually had been awake as well. I felt like a child sleeping in the same bed with someone out of fear, even if I wasn't scared. It was worse because I was in the same bed with a girl that I like, and all our clothes were on and there was no touching... just "sleeping." It was terribly hard for me to hold back and not lean over and grab her in my arms and never let go.

It wasn't that I was afraid of any of the storms, or that I wanted to be near Nikki all the time... I just don't want it to happen to her too. I can't bear to loose anyone else. Anytime there's a storm I can't help but want to be near the people I love. Ever since that one time...

I thought about the past couple days and how uncomfortable it had been going to my house. I mean, I couldn't even really call it home anymore because I didn't belong there. It's not like I'm even being dramatic or exaggerating. I was not welcome there. I wanted to badly to go back to the way things were, but it's changed. At one time my parents were glad I was alive... Now... well, I'm not so sure.

_And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all  
This place we live, it is not where we belong  
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own  
Going back to get away after everything has changed_

I clenched my eyes shut tight and slowly, but uneasily, fell asleep.

I felt a throb in my brain and then images of blood, a tree and a violent screaming bled through my ears. Lights ands sirens filled my eyes and ears, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut tight and hold my ears. I rocked back and forth and begged inside my mind for the images to go away, but obviously the 'G' man wasn't listening.

I heard my name being called over and over again, but the sirens and merciful screams drowned it all out. I couldn't understand why this was coming back so strongly this time and why it wouldn't go away when I tried to ignore it. It's been years since I've had a flashback, so why's it coming back now?

Then there was those eyes. The eyes that will forever be burned into my memory like a carving into fresh cement.

**(Nikki's POV)**

I was absolutely freaking out. Cameron nearly caused me to have a heart attack when his body began shaking so violently and he started screaming. For the life of me, I couldn't wake him up either. I sprang out of bed in tears and darted to go get Aunt Ava who was already hurrying up the stairs.

"Nikki, what on earth is going on?" she asked alarmingly.

"A-Aunt Ava, he-he just started shaking and scr-screaming and I can't wake him up! He won't stop!" I sobbed.

Aunt Ava weaved around me and booked it up the stairs, me following close on her heels. I could hardly see my eyes were getting so teary. Aunt Ava suddenly stopped in front of me, causing me to bump into her. I peered around her to see what was going on, but before I could get my head around someone sped past us. I spun around and saw Cameron darting downstairs.

I quickly turned around and chased after him. "Cameron! Cameron! Stop!" Aunt Ava and I were both calling. At this point we had probably woken up the whole house, but neither of us really cared.. or at least I didn't.

When I got outside, the rain was so hard I almost couldn't see. I saw Cameron bolting away from the house and began running after him, Aunt Ava yelling for us to come back. I'm not entirely sure where we were going or if I was actually seeing Cameron but I ran. I ran and ran and ran until I felt like I was running on air my legs hurt so bad. Cameron seemed relentless and we were probably so far away from the house we'd never make it back.

**(Cameron's POV) **(A/N: Remember it's kinda graphic, don't like it, don't read it. Scroll passed the italics and you may continue)

_I was so annoyed that I had to go pick her up in the pouring rain. My parents had fallen fast asleep and were so unconscious with sleep that I couldn't get them up. Her friend's parents had been drinking so I didn't dare have her ask them to drive her home. _

_There was a loud screech of tires and then headlights blinded me. I let go of her hand for a moment to shield my eyes. The headlights grew nearer and the sound deafened me. I heard only the sound of an engine, the rain and screeching tires in my ears. The car was only a few feet away from me, barrelling at me at high speed. I went to grab her to get her out of the way but she was getting more in the way of it. I went to dive to get her, but the car had already passed by me._

_More screeching tires and doors opening. I couldn't move._

_"Sweet Jesus! Someone just hit that little girl!"_

_"Someone call an ambulance!"_

_"Someone help me pull her out!"_

_"Oh My God!"_

_"HELP! HELP! HELP!"_

_"WHERE THE HELL ARE THE PARAMEDICS!" _

_"Get that guy out of the car!"_

_"I think I'm going to be sick! I just touched a dead body!"_

_I ran over to the wreck. There was blood spattered everywhere, including me. The grass was slippery from rain, but sticky from blood. A tangy odor plagued the air and there was so much noise I could only hear silence. The whole world seemed to stand still as I ran over in slow motion. The windshield wipers squeaked across the broken windsheild. The horn from the car blared, the drivers face was probably smashed against it. There was loud, bone-chilling screaming, now the only thing filling my ears because I knew it was her. She was in pain. I finally reached the car and was able to locate her. She was pinned between the car and an old tree. Her screaming was so violent that I almost couldn't stand. Her screaming continued, becoming more hoarse with each second. She opened her eyes a moment and found me. A shaky arm reached out to me._

_"C-C-Camer-eron. H-Help m-me. It hur-hurts."_

_I grabbed her bloody hand and thought of nothing to do to help her. People were swarming around me. I was being pulled but I couldn't bear to take myself away from her side. __"It'll be okay. I'm here." I said through sobs, saying it over and over._

_There were sirens and colorful lights. People were now everywhere around the wreck. The rain was coming down harder. The lightning suddenly becoming present in my mind. The thunder roaring in forcefully. The car was slowly being taken away from her body. Once there was enough room, her body fell to the ground. Then. The screaming stopped and there was a _thud_. I felt the clinging grip of her disappear and I looked down at her lifeless body. People were rushing over to her, touching her and turning away. It was the most gruesome wreck I'd ever seen. But I couldn't pull eyes away. Those eyes were staring back at me. Staring back at me in such a way that told me it was over. The life was sucked completely out of them but they still were full of her light. I stared and stared and stared until she was being lifted and put into a bag. Then, the light went away in those eyes. Then, everything was just gone._

**(Nikki's POV)**

Suddenly we were on a highway and I saw a car barrelling towards us, then veer sharply to the right. The hood of the car wrapped around a tree. When Cameron saw this happen, he went ballistic. He stopped momentarily and I caught up next to him. Then he began running over to the car and screaming my name.

"NIKKI! NIKKI! NOOO!" came Cameron's shrill cry.

I ran over to him and grabbed him, spinning him around. "CAMERON STOP!"

He looked at me in sheer terror and grief. He fell to the ground and sobbed uncontrollably. "Kelsey. Kelsey. Kelsey, I'm so sorry. I wasn't quick enough. Oh Kelsey."

I ignored him and ran over to the car, really wishing I had a cell phone or something. The windows were all broken and when I looked inside the car, the driver was somewhat pinned between the hard airbag and the seat.

"Hey! Can you hear me?" A slightly delayed 'yeah' came back from the passenger. "Are you injured?"

There was a long pause. The man in the car grunted something but the loud rain was impairing my hearing. There was some woman's voice coming form the dashboard. "An ambulance is on the way to your location. I'll stay on the phone until they've arrived."

I began trying to rip the airbag to relieve the man's pain but to no avail. Soon paramedics arrived and I moved out of their way to let them do their job. Luckily, the man's life wasn't in danger and managed to escape the accident with some broken ribs. He was carried away to the hospital for further examination and I was left with Cameron.

I looked over at his crumpled frame on the ground next to another tree about twenty feet away. I walked around the car and the cop cars and ambulance and various other vehicles to reach Cameron. He sat on the ground in silence, crying. When he realized I was behind him he sat up and wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling them close to his body.

"She was only nine. She was just a baby. I wasn't fast enough... But in a sense, I'm happy in a sense that it happened because she won't have to suffer. She won't have to live being with my parents or live in a mangled body that everyone would have been disgusted to see." He voice trailed off as he kept going and began to shake. He turned and looked at me through red and puffy eyes. "Is that so wrong? Does that make me a bad person?" He looked down and began crying hard. "But she was only a kid," his voice cracked "and she still had so much time left!"

I slowly walked over to him, "Cameron, who are you talking about?" I asked softly as I sat down in the wet grass next to him.

_'Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive  
(Everything has changed)  
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?  
(Everything has changed)  
'Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind  
(Everything has changed)  
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?_

"She was the only thing that kept me coming back home, night after night. Kelsey. My baby sister. My baby sister who was my only source of light in that dark place we called home. And now," his voice started cracking because he started crying out loud. "And now she's gone."

I began rubbing his shoulder because I couldn't pull him into a hug. "Cam, what happened?"

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, wiped his nose and pulled the hair that was clinging to his face because of the rain out of his eyes. He looked at me for a moment in a way that told me he was glad I was there. Cameron now looked away from me and towards the road like he was reliving the event.

"It was a night just like this one about two, two and a half years ago. Kelsey was at her friends house to accompany her when the kid's parents were having a party. Our parents were supposed to drive her home but they fell asleep long before they were supposed to get her. I tried to wake them up but they might as well have been an inanimate object."

His eyes grew blank and he didn't blink.

"So Kelsey called me at about eleven asking where we were. She said she was going to get a ride from her friend's parents but they were drinking. I decided to be the parent and say stay away from drunk drivers. I had said that she could spend the night and I'd come over and get her in the morning but she was afraid of her friend's dad for reasons still unknown to me. I told her I'd walk over and pick her up if she didn't mind getting wet. She agreed and I walked over there in the pouring rain, fearing I'd get struck by lightning on the way over."

Cameron stopped. I shifted on the grass, feeling my butt begin to sink into the mud. I waited for him to go on but I didn't dare rush him. I couldn't even speak.

**(Cameron's POV)**

It was hard to get the right words to explain this because I, myself hadn't really thought about it. Never talked to anyone about it. Never even told my parents all that happened. They hadn't cared because they had started getting into drugs and drinking - little to our knowledge that is. The event played over and over in my mind and yet I couldn't verbalize what I wanted to say and my mouth was becoming dry.

"I was so mad I had to go over and get her when it was pouring rain." I turned and looked at Nikki, laughing weakly, bitterly. "To think that would have been the least of my worries and looking on it, I would have done it a million times over to save her."

I heard Nikki sniffle, she was obviously getting upset and I hadn't even gotten to the bad part yet. I felt her hand slither over to mine and I grabbed it. "So I reached that blasted kid's house and we began our journey home. I had discovered walking over that much of the cut-throughs to get to her friend's house were flooded so we had to go the long way home. I held Kelsey's hand because I didn't want her to stray away from me in the storm. We reached about here when the car came. At the time, I didn't realize what it was and was dumbfounded by it. I let go of her hand and..." My voice quivered as I began hitting the part where it pulled heartstrings. The hard truth.

"And I shielded my eyes and then this car just came and took her from my side before I could grab her. I went over to the place where she got ... hit... and she was screaming. Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. The blood was just everywhere. I only knew she was alive because she just kept screaming in such a way I could have thrown up. She reached out her hand to me."

Without knowing it, I was acting out what happened. "She said my name. She asked me to help her. She...She..." My chest heaved hard and I lost my breath for a second. The tears were pouring down my face as much as the rain from the sky. "She told me that it hurt." Hurt being the word that squeaked in my voice. "I couldn't think of anything to say but 'It'll be okay' and 'I'm here.' And then there were people everywhere and the car began moving away from her and I was holding her hand and she was gripping mine so tightly... Then... Then her grip was nothing."

I turned over to Nikki who sounded like a complete and total mess. She was more than the water works, she was crying harder than I'd ever seen her cry but she was so quiet about it. She mumbled something about being so sorry and how she couldn't believe it. Along with some 'Oh Cameron''s and such. I was hardly listening because I couldn't hear.

"... My parents..."

"What?" I asked her, pulling her into my grasp, suddenly realizing she was shaking violently either from bring cold or from crying.

"Hearing you talk about your sister made me think of them...My parents... The way they died was nearly the same. A drunk driver hit them and they were dead on arrival." She paused and grabbed me hard, pulling me into such a strong hug I thought she'd never let me go. I grabbed her back, hugging her hard and feeling her spine crack.

_So we stand here now and no one knows us at all  
I won't get used to this  
I won't get used to being gone  
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying  
Going back to get away after everything has changed_

We both talked more in the pouring rain about the deaths of our loved ones, but I can't remember the words we spoke. Our tears were in sync with the rain that fell from the sky, soaking us more than to the bone. Finally after pouring our hearts for who knows how long, I led Nikki back home.

When we reached Ava's house she was in a state of panic, nearly on the phone with every police station in and around Playa Linda. Through even more tears and a fair amount of explaining, Ava calmed down and Nikki and I were sent upstairs to find dry, warm clothes to put on.

I was completely exhausted so I went straight to bed after changing. I figured some sleep might calm me down a little bit because I felt loads better after telling Nikki about Kelsey. One little unknown secret to the world outside of the family I called Mom, Dad and me. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard a soft, almost unnoticeable knock at my door. I heard the door open, the only sound coming from it being the force of wind following it as it was opening. I peered over my shoulder and saw that familiar frame.

I heard a small movement of feet, then the door closed again. For a moment, I almost wasn't sure if Nikki was even in the room with me because I couldn't even hear her breathing. I guess she was just letting her eyes adjust to the pitch black cave known as my room. It then startled me when Nikki was suddenly at my side, pulling up the covers and sliding in next to me.

"What's the matter, hun?" I asked quietly.

I felt Nikki jump beside me, I guess she didn't think I was awake. "Oh I'm so sorry! Did I wake you up?" she asked alarmingly, her voice kept quiet all at the same time.

"No. I can't sleep." I lied. "What's going on?"

I could tell Nikki was looking away from me, she probably felt embarrassed or something. But probably she felt bad for thinking she woke me up. "I don't know. I couldn't sleep and I don't know... The thunder is still freaking me out a little."

I felt my face twist in confusion, I had completley forgotten about the rain and the storm. It's like I was totally unaware of it. But as soon as Nikki mentioned it, it became obnoxiously noticeable. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, bringing her close to my side. I kissed her forehead, a new habit of mine that I hadn't even really become aware of. "Well, feel free to spend the night. I'd enjoy your company again."

I knew she smile because I heard it. There was silence between us for the longest time but I knew we both weren't sleeping, or sleepy rather. I still had the trembling Nikki close to my side, not even minding the fact that my arm was slowly growing numb. I felt Nikki fidget with the discomfort of not being able to sleep.

I smiled, "Hey, do you remember when we were at my house and we were telling each other stupid stories of things that happened to us?" Nikki nodded. "I don't know why but I just realized that we only talked about embarrassing or sad things... Not many happy things."

I propped myself up on my elbow, pulling my arm from around Nikki. "What is your best memory?"

Nikki was silent and I knew she was thinking. "It's hard, I have two."

"Then tell me both of them."

Nikki looked up at me, then up at the ceiling as she folded her hands and placed them on her stomach. "I remember this one time when I was small my mom took me to this playground place with a giant wooden castle. It was raining a little so no one was there except us. I was so excited and the wooden castle was absolutely taller than I could see. I mean standing a few yards away from it, I still couldn't see the top."

Nikki laughed, "So, my mom and I went into the castle and were running around for what seemed like days to me. We had such difficulty getting to the top because it was all wet from the rain plus I kept getting us lost because I was leading. Finally we got to the top and we found this huge - I mean HUGE - tube slide. I was a little terrified to go down it because it reached from the top of the castle to the bottom (of course). My mom wrapped my up in her arms, placing me firmly on her lap and sitting at the top of tube slide. She slid forward a little and we went flying down the tube slide because it was practically a water slide because it was full of water from the rain. Up until it got really dark out, we stayed there. Going all over that castle. It seemed like everytime I went up there I found a new place to go, another place to get lost in. I think that was one of the only times I remember my mom truly laughing."

She looked up again, staring me in the eyes a moment. "But of course, it was an old castle so the wood began to rot and it was eventually taken down. Sometimes when I was upset I'd go back to that place and sit where it used to be. I'd shut my eyes and sit there thinking about the time my mom and I had."

I smiled at her, she was so unbelieveably cute sometimes. I pulled her into a hug, not quite sure what to say but I don't think Nikki wanted me to say anything anyway.

"Now you tell me one."

I looked at her, "What's the other one?"

She turned away from me. I took her face, cupping her cheek, and making her face me. Her face felt hot with embarrassment.

"I don't want to. It's embarrassing."

"Please?... For me?" I said in the cutest way I could muster.

"Fine," she pouted. She stopped and stared blankly into no where. I guessed she was trying to think of a good way to start it. "About a year ago I came to a new palce far away from my home. The most tragic thing a person can go through happened to me and I had to be moved away from all I knew. The two people I loved most in life were taking away from me at the hands of someone who thought they only had a little to drink and were okay to drive. So I came to this beachy area to live with my Aunt Ava who so graciously took my brothers and I in as if we were her own kids. So when everyone seemed to be getting along fine, I thought they were forgetting about my parents and I freaked out. I ran outside to the beach, crying my eyes out -"

"And there was this gir on the beach, crying and I couldn't help but watch her. I sat down on the beach a few yards from her to see what she would do." I said, beginning to tell my greatest memory because it paralleled hers.

"I remember watching the waves and wishing they could swallow me whole and take me to see my parents again, so that I might be able to say goodbye to them. I was completely lost in my own thoughts to realize that there was someone watching me, ever growing closer and closer to me."

"Finally I couldn't stand watching her cry anymore so I had that I got up and went over to see what was wrong. This pretty girl, a complete stranger to me, and I felt so drawn to her. So drawn that I couldn't just walk away without even hearing her voice, knowing her name, seeing her face up close."

"So this boy came and tapped me on the shoulder."

"I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if I could sit down, like we were old friends seeing each other by chance." I felt my heart pounding hard in my chest.

"I was surprised to see this gorgeous boy asking me if I was okay. A boy who looked so much like someone else I knew, which gave me an odd sense of comfort and I was able to open up to him. I stuck my hand out as a greeting and -"

"Boy were her hands cold!"

"And my hands were icy cold from sitting on the beach for so long," Nikki laughed sweetly at the memory.

"I asked her why she were here and she told me her parents died. I nearly exploded, I felt like such an asshole for being so pushy. Then I reached out and hugged her, feeling so comfortable to have her in my arms."

"And this boy, he... he just hugged me out of no where. His hug was so warm that I nearly melted and I felt suddenly at home again. Like nothing mattered at all anymore. But then suddenly I became alarmingly aware of the fact that I didn't even know him, that I had just met him mere minutes before. I pulled aware wakwardly after soaking the shoulder of his shirt."

"And she cried harder than I had expected but I didn't care. I was glad I was there in a sense, glad I was the one she was opening her heart up to. Finally, she was done crying her eyes out and pulled away from me all embarrassed. Absolutely the cutest girl I had ever seen in my life. Even with insanely puffy and red eyes, snot pooling on her upper lip, she was still so beautiful."

"And after meeting an ex of his, I realized I needed to go. I wanted so badly to invite him back, to tell him everything about myself and learn so much more about him. I prayed to God as I walked away from him that I'd see his shining face again."

"Then she left me and I couldn't tear my eyes aware from her as she left my side. Sudednly I felt so empty and I missed her... I _missed_ her."

Nikki's eyes and mine met in an intense stare. Her bottom lip was trembling. Her hands shaking and she sat up, not breaking eye contact with me. Then we both spoke in unison. "And I couldn't wait until the next time we met."

_'Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive  
(Everything has changed)  
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?  
(Everything has changed)  
'Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind  
(Everything has changed)  
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?_

I reached up and cupped her cheek, pressing my forehead against hers. Warm tears started to stray from her eyes and she began laughing and smiling.

"To think such a bitter memory for me would have been one of my happiest all at the same time," she whispered as she looked down at the bed. "But at the same time, I guess if it wasn't so painful then it wouldn't have been the same... If I wasn't crying, you wouldn't have come over," she paused, unsure how to form the words that were boggling her mind. "I'm glad. In a sense, that's one positive thing out of my parents' deaths." She looked at me, her eyes now impossible to read, "Does that sound terrible?"

I smiled, "No... No it doesn't because I'm glad too."

She leaned into me and hugged me, her head now rested where my heart beat underneath my ribcage, beating only for her. "Cameron, thank you."

I laughed, "Thanks for what, you silly duck?"

"For just being you. For being there for me when I'm being such a baby. For letting me cry. For letting me just be me for once and not feel like I have to hold anything back anymore, ya know? I mean, without you being my friend, I wouldn't have been able to get through any of this."

I rubbed her head, "Stop talking nonsense, you would have been okay."

She sat up, staring me intensely in the eyes, "I mean it. I mean every word of it. From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul... You saved me."

I felt tears begin to sting my eyes, the words meaning more to me than she probably intended. _You saved me_. The words struck me hard in the chest, getting caught in my throat and I didn't even say them. "You saved me too."

There was a moment where time stood still and my body began gradually craving Nikki's touch more and more. The air in the room seemed to get a little thicker, and the room itself seemed to grow to only the size of the bed we lay on. My chest began to rise and fall at a faster pace, what was going on? I observed Nikki's body language and she was acting the same way. I reached out and let my fingers run up and down her arm, leaving trails of goosebumps behind my touch. Nikki's breath was getting a little heavier, but still somewhat the same so it was almost unnoticeable.

I tried to fight every fiber of my being from touching her, but my desire to connect was too overwhelming. I tilted her chin up, running my thumb along her bottom lip. I ran my fingers under her eyes and down her cheeks to catch some tears. I kissed her cheeks to catch the tears that were slowly falling. I kissed her forehead, her left cheek, her nose, her right cheek, her chin, her neck, and shoulders before ending with her lips. I hear Nikki's breath start to catch when my lips touched her neck.

She lifted her hands up, placing one on my neck and another in my hair. As I began running my hands down her sides, her body tensed. I heard her begin gasping softly when I began massaging her chest and kissing her neck. As I kissed her neck, I could hear her heart pounding in her chest right in rythmn with my own. My breath was quickening as well as hers.

I brought my face back in line with hers and planted a hot kiss on her lips, licking her bottom lip while doing so. Her mouth opened and I slid my tongue in her mouth. Nikki was hesitant for a moment, but then she moved her tongue to meet mine. I instinctively brought my hand up to her cheek while the other one wrapped around her and I slowly brought her down onto the bed. I slowly moved on top of her, overly enjoying the best series of kisses in my life. I wanted more, more, more. But I knew I couldn't because Nikki and I weren't even together... yet.

I felt her hands sliding down my back, then slipping underneath my shirt and begin to pull it up and over my head. I paused a moment, to give her a chance to think but my hesitation only made her take it off me faster. There was no holding back for me now, I couldn't wait a moment longer. I kissed her hard on the lips and slipped her shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the floor.

There was a breif moment where clothes were falling to the floor like leaves in autumn before there were no more to take off. I held myself up above Nikki, a few inches from her face, breathing harder with desire than I thought possible. I couldn't help but touch her thin fram on every inch, making her squirm underneath me. I was more than hard for her and she was wet with desire. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I stopped a moment, was this happening? Was this _serously_ happening?? This was too fast for her, I felt like an ass.

She noticed me stopping, not continuing. "Don't stop," she moaned in my ear.

And with that. I kissed her more passionately than she had anticipated and just crumbled under the kiss. I readied myself and she gave me the go ahead and then... it happened.

_Taking up our time  
Taking up our time  
Taking up our time  
It's taking up our time we can't go back, we can't go back at all  
It's taking up our time we can't go back, we can't go back at all  
It's taking up our time we can't go back, we can't go back at all  
It's taking up our time, taking up our time_

**(Cameron's POV)**

I can't help but feel like sometimes I'm so weak. That I may never be the strong, stable man Nikki needs to keep her safe. I feel like sometimes all I do is cry around her. Up until I met her, I was the strong guy that everyone always turned to when they were down. The guy who never had any problems. The guy who was unbreakable. . . Now look at me. The guy who has so many problems he blows everyone else out of the water. It's pathetic and so embarrassing sometimes.

But then again, when I'm around Nikki I can't hide my feelings. I can't fake anything like I can everyone else. That's a good thing right? Finding someone you're truly yourself around? Even if I become miserable at times because I remember the bad things I blurred in my memory, she brings out the best in me. Along with all the terrible times in my past, she reminds me of all the good ones too. She even helps me make new ones to compensate for the bad ones.

Nikki and I sat down further in my bed, the heavy blankets on my bed close to our noses. We flicked on the T.V. but I know neither of us was really paying attention to it because we were still stuck on what happened only moments ago.

"You're amazing, Nikki" I said completely out of the blue and then feeling silly for saying it.

She looked at me, "Haha, and why is that?"

_'Cause you remind me of a time when we were so alive  
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?_

I looked at her and smiled, pulling her closer to me so that I could feel the warmth of her body. I instantly saw her eyes light up at my touch. I was the happiest guy on earth and she didn't even know it because I didn't know how to tell her because there were no words for what I was feeling. The desire to have her as mine for the rest of enternity burned feircely in my chest now. I didn't care what happened. I wanted her... All of her. She turned and looked at me with those beautiful eyes and I leaned in and kissed her full on the lips.

"Goodnight, Nikki."

"Goodnight, Cameron."

_Nikki, just for one moment in time I want to be the air that fills your lungs, the reason your heart keeps beating. I want to be that thing that's constantly present in your body that goes so unnoticed but is so necessary. When you meet people you care about, you give them a part of you because that seems to be the way to make them apart of your life. When I look in your eyes, everything is good and agreeable. I don't really know much about your past or what you're thinking most of the time. The same goes for you; we're basically complete strangers. But I'm still totally drawn to you. I don't know what's going to come in the future, but I don't want to be alone for it. I want to start over with my life and I want you to be there to guide me through it. Maybe this will be going too fast, and maybe it won't last at all... What do you say to taking chances? I want you. I want all of you. Would you take me into that place in your chest reserved for the one person who loves you more than themselves?_

**(Nikki's POV)**

_Cameron, you're just like a dream but if I pinch myself it always hurts. You understand my differences and I understand yours. I'd trust you with my life, with my soul, and with everything I am. You have the most beautiful heart of anyone I've ever met or had the slightest feelings for. When your eyes meet mine, I know you understand what I'm thinking. You know the rhythm of my heart and you can sing the song that goes along with it - we meet in harmony. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You made me feel things I thought I'd never feel again once my parents died. You hold the key to my heart and I don't know if anyone else will ever be able to fit the lock as well as you do. You are the air that I breathe. The song that my heart sings. The reason I get up in the morning. The reason why I want to live forever. I need you. I want you. _

**(Cameron and Nikki's POV)**

_No matter what happens, I will support you like my life depended on it. You make me feel better in the worst situations. You can always bring a smile to my face. To me, you're like that little song I'd get sung to me when I was a kid. You shine brighter than anyone I know._

_I love you. Eternally. Forever. _


	13. I'm Sorry, It's All I Can Say

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I do not own the song "I Liked You Better Before You Were Naked On The Internet" by From First To Last as well as the little blurb I used from "4 In The Morning" by Gwen Stefani strictly because it came on when I was typing that part.**

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**Chapter 13: I'm Sorry, It's All I Can Say**

**(Michael's POV)**

I felt my blood begin to boil when I heard her voice in soft moans of pain through the walls. He was touching her and I knew it. It turned my stomach at the thought of that insensitive prick touching my Nikki. To think that after so many years of holding back my feelings for Nikki, that bastard swooped right in and won her over in mere days. I mean, in a way, she still likes me because Cameron is me. Cameron is me doubled. I'm the older one so he's just a copy of me. That should be me that Nikki is all over. Me who Nikki is losing it. Me who should be able to touch that beautiful part of her body only a woman possesses and men long to get.

Nikki loves me. She told me. She told me that she loved me when I loved her. We expressed our deep and passionate love for each other and I don't plan on letting that promise be broken. We vowed to stay together forever. And I meant forever. Cameron must have lied and said he was me for the longest time before he finally told Nikki that he was Cameron. Better yet, Nikki must just think that she knew him for all of her life like she did with me. He brainwashed her, that's it. That sneaky little bastard. I've become what Cameron used to be to Nikki, no one.

I wanted more than anything to walk into there and break Cameron's neck, rip his willy clear off his body and toss it to sharks. How dare he touch her! Let alone penetrate her and make her bleed but the one time she would! He probably forced her at gunpoint to fuck him. Nah, it was probably with a knife because he's a pussy and wouldn't touch a gun probably.

They don't even like each other mutually. It's one sided and Nikki wants nothing to do with him. I'm the one that is her soul mate, he just needs to give up on her because she used to love him.

_It's amazing what you'll find when you just open your eyes  
Sometimes love can leave you blind  
But still you try, to cover all the lies and ignore all the signs  
Sometimes love can leave you blind_

I felt vomit come up the back of my throat when that thought crossed my mind. Used to love him? _Love._ She never loved him. He just pressured her when she was the most vulnerable. He cornered her. He pulled her away from everyone when she was sad I'm sure and kissed her. Cameron probably then confessed his love for her even though she didn't know him. Since Nikki's a nice person, she probably mistook shock for attraction and felt bad for the poor sap and tried to talk her way out of it. Then he probably kept persisting, that pathetic bastard. Then she probably finally agreed to it.

I couldn't even believe that someone as pure as Nikki was succumbing to such a slutty act. To just have sex with someone you met mere months ago is so trashy. I mean it'd be different if it was me because she's known me longer. She must be so confused right now to even like that wanker. It got me so mad. They didn't even have a relationship yet! I know it too because I asked Nikki about her relationship with Cameron and she said they were 'just friends.'

Now they're in his bedroom risking pregnancy and ruining a pair of sheets. It infuriated. It disgusted me. I don't know which feeling was more prominent. I shut my eyes wishing that I could fall asleep so I didn't have to hear the soft squeak of both Nikki and the bed in the other word. But really, what should I care? She doesn't love him.

Then my heart nearly stopped and I almost died. That last thought hadn't even fully finished coming out before she said it. It was her and I know it. There! Now he said it! Those three words that are reserved for someones one and only. She said it to him.

I love you.

She loved me! How could she say that to him with such sincerity?! This was blasphemy! He even said it to her too! This can't be happening! She told me she loved me! She can't just take that back. You can only say 'I love you' to one person. I just don't understand. I know she loves me, right?

_What I thought was a certainty (Was a certainty)  
Has left me (Left me)  
Spinning in circles again_

The next morning Cameron and Nikki sat across from each other at the picnic table, constantly looking up from their plates and smiling at one another. Cameron was wearing a true smile I know that's for sure but Nikki's looked rather fake to me. I think since coming here Nikki is a lot sadder. Back in Kansas she always smiled and had tons of friends; here she has two friends and doesn't seem as happy. I mean of course her parents are dead now but that can't account for anything because they don't add to a person's happiness.

I don't even know my parents. They can't effect my feelings. Playa Linda is a terrible place for a girl like Nikki, she must hate it here. Especially with that stupid twat around. Rage spread through my body at the thought of Nikki being unhappy for even a second.

Nikki was the only girl for me and I was the only boy for her. We were perfect. She was so happy when we were together. Technically, she's cheating on me because we haven't broken up. I became increasingly angry at the thought of being cheated on, especially if it was _him_. Someone related to me. It infuriated me but I kept my face as unchanging as a stone.

Nikki looked over at me occasionally, all hunched over my food like it was my last meal.

"You okay, Michael?" I looked up, being taken away from my thoughts. Who had talked to me? "You okay?" Again. I scanned Nikki's face, it wasn't her that had spoken. My eyes met Cameron's and I felt sick.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I said through my teeth. Cameron's been looking over me since I came here. I guess it's like he's looking out for me like we were truly brothers. I hated it because I wanted nothing to do with him.

Cameron shrugged, "You're rather quiet. It's kinda unusual for you, no offense."

I spun my spoon around in the bowl, "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. There was just a lot of noise," I said all nonchalantly.

They both blushed and looked at each other, sharing silent signals that said that they were hoping I didn't know. I continued to eat my cereal in silence while those two shared small talk at the end of the table. This wasn't the Nikki I knew, she'd always have something to talk about. She isn't happy and it's killing me. I got up from the table once finishing my cereal and went inside. I sat down at the counter and glared at the two through the window.

_Comparing to the last time that we had spoke  
It seems to me that you're not happy, like you used to be_

I wasn't really sure what went on for the rest of the morning because I couldn't tear my eyes away from them. From him. From that traitor. I couldn't believe such a thing was happening to me when I begged my brother to let us come down here for the summer. I specifically came down here so Nikki and I could continue our relationship. She couldn't do this to me!

Cameron and Nikki sat on the couch, barely letting a millimeter of space separate the two. They giggled and cuddled so affectionately it made me sick. I wanted to get Nikki away from him for a second to knock the sense back into her but I couldn't think of an excuse as to why I needed her. They didn't even notice I was there as they swapped tiny little kisses.

"Last night was..." Nikki said with an embarrassed tone.

"Me too."

They shared smiles and then he planted a kiss on her lips, making me see fire in my eyes. Then God must have heard my prayers because Bradin came into the room. "Hey, Cam. Can I talk to you for a sec?" he saked calmly, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom.

Cameron looked at Nikki, then at Bradin. "Yeah, no problem." Bradin waved a hand at him to welcome him into his bedroom. I knew they their conversation would take a while because I was the one who informed Bradin of last night's little olympic game. I got up and walked over to where Nikki was sitting on the couch.

She turned and looked at me, smiled and went back to watching T.V. This got me a little frustrated but I ignored it. We sat there a moment watching Tom & Jerry before I couldn't take it a moment longer, I had to get it out.

"I know you fucked him."

Nikki, much to my suprise, just nodded her head. "Yeah. Last night. Sorry if you heard but I couldn't help it... It hurt... A whole lot because it was my fir-"

"I don't want to hear the details! I heard enough!" I was slowly feeling my face turn red with anger.

"Michael, what is wrong with you?" Nikki said, finally turning to me, but not saying it in a way that was insulting. Then he face shifted and I knew she knew what was wrong. "Michael, we never really had anything. I-I was confused and sad and vulnerable. You cornered me and I couldn't really say no!" I felt my body jolt with shock at what she was telling me. "I don't know what to say to you... I'm sorry. All I can say is that I am so, so sorry."

_To you I'm like a flavor that wouldn't last  
You took one bite and spat me out real fast_

I couldn't believe that this was happening. Over? "Fine." It was all I could muster, as pathetic as that remark was.

I turned my back on Nikki and walked upstairs to my room, locking the door securely behind me. My whole body was trembling and I couldn't even cry. I don't know if it was because I was angry or because I was so upset that I wasn't anymore. Then it hit me. I'd show her my love for her by hurting.

I walked over to the dresser, rifled through some clothes to the bottom, and picked up my old friend. Boy how I missed him. A sudden adrenaline rushed through my veins when it shined in the light. I turned on the radio, to give me some momentum as I ripped apart my flesh. To my suprise, the radio wasn't on but instead one of Nikki's CDs. Gwen Stefani. I have no idea what the song was but I sat there a moment, listening to the lyrics that seemed to go in tune with my current situation. Yes, this was the perfect song. _"__Oh please, you know what I need, Save all your love for me, We can't escape the love, Give me everything that you have. And all I know is you've got to give me everything, and nothing less 'cause you know I give you all of me. I give you everything that I am, I'm handin over everything that I've got, Cause I wanna have a really true love, Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up."_

I pressed the razorblade down hard on my arm, making sure it was deep enough to scar. I made straight lines, making the letters absolutely perfect. This will prove to her that my love is true and that I'm serious. If I hurt myself, she will know I love her. This pain I'm suffering now as the razorblade sinks into my skin is only a little bit compared to what Cameron will feel when Nikki's mine again.

There, finished. Now I will forever have this on the inside of my arm as a symbol of my love. Blood inked out of my arms in the form of a five letter word.

Nikki.

_And now this mark remains, it will never ever go away  
And now this mark remains, it will never ever go away  
And now this mark remains, it will never ever go away_

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So there you go people. Two chapters for you full of heavy stuff. I pulled an all-nighter typing these up so I expect lots of reviews. :3  
I just want the reviews to know that you guys are still reading ya know? Also, if you want feel free to add some insight as to what you think will happen next or what you want to happen next. Also, too much detail? Needs more detail? ;)

I could of added a lot more detail to all this but I don't know if you guys want that... So lemme know

'Til next time loves.


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